Pride Part Two: But Who Are You?

Who is Maggie?

Oh that’s easy, I thought. I was asked this question this week, and I quickly spouted off a whole list of qualifiers.

I’m a writer, an editor, and a communications professional. I’m a journalism school grad. A born Midwesterner and a current New Yorker. A blogger. A big sister. A tennis player. A yogi. A single woman. And A Christian.

No, but I mean, who IS Maggie? Who are you?

Minus the labels and the titles. Take away the achievements. Subtract the expectations. It’s a simple question, but when the attributes that I so often cling to are gone, the answer becomes decidedly more complicated.

If someone asked you, “Who are you?” what would you say?

I’m not talking about the cute and witty Instagram profile bio you whipped up, or the accomplished and impressive LinkedIn headline you use. Not even your email signature or the little inspirational quote you include in your sign-off. I’m talking about who you are at the core, within your very being. The unshakable, insurmountable, unmistakable you.

Putting that answer into words is a lot harder to do than I thought it would be.

In thinking about this, I’ve been reflecting on Psalm 139 a lot.

"O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night," even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you. Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God! O men of blood, depart from me! They speak against you with malicious intent; your enemies take your name in vain! Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord? And do I not loathe those who rise up against you? I hate them with complete hatred; I count them my enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!"

He knows me better than I know myself. It’s His hand that has molded me. The gifts and blessings and struggles He’s given me are what shape my identity.

Who am I?

I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

I am a child of God. I am His beloved daughter. He has known me before even I knew him. He has knit me in my mother's womb and knows the beautiful plans He has for me.

I am a 25-year-old woman with a story to share and a heart to listen.

I am feminine. I am sensitive and nurturing.

I am kind, and I am loyal. I like to be surrounded by people, to care for them, to cultivate friendships, to get to know them intimately. An extrovert through and through. I love people with my whole heart, and sometimes that causes me to put my earthly relationships above my relationship with Him. Sometimes that means I go to my friend for advice and direction, rather than praying or searching myself. And sometimes that means I find my worth in my social calendar, my dating life, and my quality of relationships around me. I see this, and I am working on it.

I am open and honest. I will tell you my past struggles, my past heartaches, my past mistakes.

I am strong. Resolute. A fighter. I am confident and secure in Christ. Yet I am still worrisome, anxiety-ridden, and insecure. I still wrestle with fear around my body, my relationships, my career, my future. I put pressure on myself to “have it all.” To be perfect and to reach some lofty unattainable standard. I am a planner, a fixer, a problem-solver. For better or for worse, I am type A. I am incredibly hard on myself. My own worst critic. I have to surrender my desire for perfection and control on on a daily basis. I have to constantly remind myself to give up my own plans and press into His plans. It’s not easy for me to do so. Often, I don’t understand the Lord. I don’t get what He is doing. But I trust Him. I trust, trust, trust.  

I am made anew in Christ. I have been given new life. I have literally been saved from death when I was in the throes of the eating disorder. He spared me, so now I live my life for Him.

Despite my worries and fears, I have so much joy. I smile, and I laughsometimes so hard that I get the hiccups. I am silly, goofy, and playful.

It’s so easy for me to complain, but if I take a good hard look at my life, I really am #blessed. Because as much as I could wish for life without anxiety or fear, one where I never struggle with an eating disorder, I don't. These things are part of what make me me. I’ve become an empathetic, understanding, joyful, loving person through suffering and struggle. He has shown me what really matters. He has been a good Father and taken things away to lead me back to Him. I am passionate about the Lord. I am courageous, and I am strong because of Him.

He allows me to be a light to other people, whether they’re Believers or not. I am excited about who God has made me to be. I am excited to see how He will continue to move in my life.

That’s who Maggie is, and she is proud of it.