Meaghan's Story: Famous in His Eyes

I first connected with Meaghan over social media. Our mutual friend pointed out that we both worked in magazines, both had a passion for telling stories, and both loved the Lord. After plenty of tweeting and tagging back and forth, we finally met up in person last winter for coffee at our mutually favorite cafe. Instant soul sister. I'm continually encouraged by Meaghan's faith and her wisdom beyond her years. She's sharing a snippet of her story below.  Love you, Meg! — M

  

 

 

My name is Meaghan O'Connor and I currently live in Colorado Springs, Colorado, as a Digital Marketing and Social Media Specialist for Young Life, an international ministry non-profit. I spend my days scrolling through Instagram and climbing red rocks and mountains in my free time. If you would have asked me this time last year what my life would look like today, my guess wouldn't have been even close. I would have probably told you that I'd be living with roommates on the Upper West Side in New York City, chasing my dreams as an up-and-coming magazine journalist. Yep, just like I said, not even close.

After spending three years at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, I moved to New York City with the intention of staying there for a while. In fact, I was almost certain that New York City would be the place I'd develop my career, raise a family, and build a life. Ever since middle school, I dreamed of working for a major magazine. Seventeen, specifically, but since I knew how hard it was to get my foot in the door, I knew I'd be happy with any of the big ones. You know, the ones people recognize and buy regularly at the grocery store. 

Something deep in me wanted to be recognized, too, I think. 

Something deep in me wanted to be part of an industry that people were really impressed by. A superior, competitive, glamorous, and influential one. I was living with the suspicion that once I got in the door, once I had the job, once people knew my name, I'd be happy. Many of us live like that, I think. Like we're on a never-ending race to the next thing, the thing laid out before us that we think is going to make us happy. The cool and hard thing is that once we achieve those things, once we realize that those things will never really fully satisfy us, we are ultimately lead closer and closer to the only thing that does, Jesus Christ.

December of last year, I saw a random job posting on a Young Life social media page. Young Life is a religious non-profit dedicated to sharing the gospel with kids all the way from middle school through college. We're one of the largest international ministries in the world, operating in over 90 countries and in every corner of the United States. I had been involved with Young Life ever since I was in middle school, first as a student and then eventually as a leader while I was in college. I saw and experienced the deep impact that Young Life and my leader had on me while I was still growing, questioning, and learning about the unconditional love of Jesus Christ.

I noticed that the people I met through Young Life were some of my closest friends. That they loved me and accepted me like I hadn't experienced before. That they were interested in my story, my scars, and my struggles. That instead of running away from those things, they would run straight into the mess. That they lived in a way that modeled Jesus Christfull of abundant life, acceptance, and deep love.

I reached out to the HR department, hesitantly, knowing that the job was located in Coloradomany, many miles away from New York City. Early in the interview process, I was sure that nothing they would do or say could convince me to leave. Even though I loved Young Life, potentially more than any other organization I could think about working for, I was really scared to leave all of my magazine dreams and New York City behind. A few months in, however, I found myself on a plane to an in-person interview in Colorado Springs. I left the interview more certain than ever that I wanted the job. That I loved the team. That it was really the perfect fit for me. 

Except that taking the job would mean that I'd have to leave New York.

They gave me a few weeks to make a decision. I think I knew in my heart, right after I left that interview, that I was going to do it. That I was going to take the job, go all in. Even still, I went back to New York City, my heart and head heavy with the thought of leaving. Of saying goodbye to friends and communities I'd been pouring into over the last few years. I was (and am still) the brand champion for investing in people, investing in placeseven though you have no idea how long you are going to be there.

But back then, as I started to think about leaving, part of me wished I would have been a little more reserved. Prepared myself a little better for leaving. Because honestly, leaving felt like ripping off a really terrible Band-Aid. Like somehow, the Lord was playing a joke on me. Like he had convinced me to pour myself out in New York City, to make deep friendships and connections, all the while knowing I'd only be there for a few years. 

I also felt overwhelmed with all the logistics, what it would take to quit my first job, to leave magazine journalism (potentially for good), to pack up all my things and move them across the country. It'd be a lot. And I think that during those few weeks, while I was still in "decision mode," I started to learn just how much power New York City had acquired over me over the past few years. The fact that I knew I wanted the job, but was letting a city stand in the way, proved that. It proved that New York City had become somewhat of an idol for me. I was looking to the city for happiness and fullness and pride. But it's a city. And it would would disappoint me. And in fact, it did, a lot. But it was almost like I was so blinded and in love with New York City that it was hard for me to see those things.

If you ask any of my friends about me, they'll tell you I love adventures. That new adventures and risksthings like moving across the countryfuel me. That I love the challenge of making new friends, building a new community, making new connections, falling in love with a different zip code. Those things are my jam.

But what people won't tell you is that all of those things, while wonderful, are also really hard. And my first few months in Colorado, after I finally decided to take the job, weren't perfect. (Regardless of how beautiful my Instagram page looked.) They were really hard. And full of loneliness and doubt.

As I was learning more about what it means to be brave, to embrace the unknown with arms wide open, Jesus was there to remind and reassure me that I am never alone. That He would provide everything I needed. That He'd help sort out all the logistical things. That being an important and influential magazine journalist wasn't actually going to give me any sense of worth. That I'm already famous in His eyes, and that's really all I need.

For more, follow Meg on Instagram and check out her blog post on leaving New York City.

Emily's Story: Delivered From My Fears

I've known Emily for three years. We met during an internship and have been friends ever since. Emily is one of the bravest people I know, with a true fire for Jesus that emboldens everything she does. She's also super fun to be around and can dance like nobody's business. Emily's been a huge force in my own faith journey, but she has been on quite the journey herself. I'll let her tell you about it in her own words. — M

When you and I met right out of college, I was really going through a hard time. 

My mom and stepdad were getting divorced. As the oldest of six kids, I felt like I had to hold things together for my siblings. Meanwhile, I had just gone through a breakup of my own. Then I moved myself across the country for an internship in a small Pennsylvania town where I knew no one! 

I couldn't see it then, but I was depressed. Just a total mess. I knew that I needed to pull it together. At the same time, I couldn't do it on my own. I joined the local church, which is when my faith became really real. Before, I was pretty delusional about my faith. I wasn't behaving like a Believer.

I had been in a relationship with a non-Believer for almost a year and was really lost. Once that relationship ended, I felt ashamed for how I had walked away from God and feared He no longer would love me. I thought I had disappointed him beyond repair. I felt like damaged goods for future relationships and just about myself in general.

My struggles became so apparent. I realized that I wanted to be wanted. 

For so long, I sought that fulfillment from other gods—guys, my career, my body. I craved the attention of men. I was determined to be the perfect student and have the perfect career. I had also engaged in an eating disorder for years. I had so much shame from chasing these idols. They didn't fulfill me, and I was seriously unhappy. I started seeing a counselor and really plugged in at church. I was prescribed antidepressants, which helped me significantly and I take to this day. I was beginning to be open with my struggles.

I needed grace. For the first time, I felt how much I needed it. 

When that internship ended, I took a job in Dallas. Again, I knew no one. Honestly, I felt like I didn’t fit in there. 

But God wanted me in Texas. I think He brought me there just to be a part of The Village Church. My apartment was literally two miles away from The Village's main campus. I didn't even know what The Village was until I moved there. I immediately joined a small group. We were involved in each other's lives and were very honest with each other. I had never had that kind of intense accountability; I needed it. 

God put this group of Believers in my life during a season of great guilt and shame. I remember I had drunkenly hooked up with this guy, and I felt so disgusted with myself. Again, it went back to that whole desire to feel wanted. I really didn't want to tell my small group about it, but I did. They put hands on me and prayed for me. By confessing it, God was teaching me to let it go.

I had chosen such brazen sins against God. It had become a spiral of "Well, I've already done x, y, and z, and I can't make it up to God now." Because I hate making mistakes. I hate being wrong. I'm a perfectionist. But I've learned God doesn't go, "Oh you've been a good girl this week, I'm going to bless you."

It's not about being good or bad.

God doesn't work like that. That's where His grace came in. The thing is, I already had it! The Holy Spirit was working in me. Even though I didn't love myself at the time, God did. And that is what kept me hanging on. 

My time in Texas was a season of giving up a lot of pride. God was breaking down my walls. He was showing me that getting help for a struggle doesn’t make you weak. It's quite the opposite. Being perfect is not attainable. Accepting that, and knowing God still loves me, has been life-changing.

About nine months into living in Texas, I was laid off. That's when the feeling of loneliness really hit me. But God was there. I look back and see that layoff was a blessing in disguise. The Lord brought me back to Pennsylvania, to work full-time at the same company where we'd interned. It was what I like to call a "pillow landing." I was emotionally fragile from being laid off and starting all over again. It was my third move in as many years. I needed familiarity, and God brought me that. 

My faith continued to grow. God was teaching me so much. And a year later I was laid off again. I was a 24-year-old college graduate with two layoffs in the books! It definitely hurt my pride.

Yet this second time around, I had a much different mindset. God wasn't punishing me or trying to make my life worse. He was using these experiences to grow me.

A lot of my identity was wrapped up in what I was doing and where I was working. I began to realize life is not about that. God is going to provide. I had prayed about whether this job was a good fit for me, and God took me out of it. He also provided a new job at the company within two weeks. 

I see how fulfillment doesn't come from relationships or work, or from my own striving. I don't have to prove anything to God. He loves me in spite of me. I don't have to earn anything through Him. What I have to do is trust him and continually refocus myself on him. I have to surrender my life to Him. I really think that the Holy Spirit has worked in me with my pride, my depression, all of my sin. It's so easy for me to get stuck in my own head. I think so much of life is giving Him control rather than thinking, "Oh my gosh, what if I do this and all these other things happen?"  I take everything one day at a time. He is going to lead me in whatever happens. He's going to give me what I need each day.

It's not about me. It's not about what I've done--He has done everything. 

I know if I'm not where I'm supposed to be, God will put me someplace else. That's part of trusting. I know I'm not working for an organization; I'm working for God. That motivates me. To think you have no purpose where you currently are, well, I just don't believe that's true. God is going to use you wherever you are. 

How do I keep trusting God? I pray for faith! I'm never going to say, "Oh, yay, for suffering. I know this is going to be good for me in the end." I'm real about it: "Okay, I'm really struggling today, Lord." I bring anything and everything to Him, saying prayers throughout the day. That helps me to not feel anxious or worried.

I really like Psalm 34 right now, especially verse four:

I sought the Lord, and He answered me
and delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant,
and their faces shall never be ashamed.

He is delivering me from my fears. God is all ears and all eyes. He knows. He hasn't abandoned me, even in my suffering. 

God is telling me, I am here. I know. And now keep going.