A Word for 2019
A moment of true peace, minutes before we said “I do” | Photo by The Siegers Photo + Video
I’ve been choosing a word of the year since 2016. A new word for each year, and each year, God shows up. While I think about the word and pray about it some before officially choosing it, I’m still not really sure in January what it means for me or if it will affect my year ahead. But then God always does beyond what I imagine He will, revealing more of Himself through that word over the next 12 months.
I didn’t spend a lot of time focusing on my word for 2019, because it came to me quickly, and I knew this word was the right one.
Peace.
Peace in my pregnancy, labor and delivery, and parenting.
Peace in my marriage.
Peace in our families and friendships.
Peace financially.
Peace with our jobs.
Peace at home.
Peace in my heart.
Peace with God.
This peace is the opposite of fear, worry, and anxiety. It’s the opposite of turmoil and war. Peace takes work. It takes trust in the Lord and faith in His plan.
The word “peace” occurs more than 400 times in the Bible. Yes, 400.
Try finding “fear” or “anxiety” that many times. Hint: You won’t. And when you do see “fear,” it’s likely referring to the fear of God, a holy reverence and awe of Him, not a feeling of danger.
A few weeks ago my pastor gave a sermon where he referenced Ephesians 2, and it has really stuck with me. He said Jesus Himself is our peace—and that God actually created peace. Meditating on that helps bring me peace. Our God is not a God of worry and anxiety but of peace.
“For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near.”
God sent his son, Jesus, to defeat sin and Satan. He destroyed the dividing wall of hostility between us and God, and He offers new, eternal life to everyone—simply asking we confess that we need Him and that we believe in Him. The cross that Jesus died for us on reconciles us to God and puts to death the hostility. It can no longer overtake us or rule us. It’s done for good.
“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”
But Jesus is not.
He rose again and is now seated at the throne in heaven. He came and preached peace to all the ends of the earth. Peace is His mission. Peace is His message, and this is the peace that I want to guide my life.
The last few months of my 2018 haven’t been peaceful. They’ve been full of worry, anxiety, doubt, and fear. They’ve looked much different than what I had expected for newlywed life. My husband and I work opposite schedules. We have a few hours to be together on the weekend, but that’s it. There’s no time for joining a group together through our church or for making new friends. No time for the seemingly little things like having breakfast with each other or even washing the dishes together. We both value quality time as our top love language, so having such different schedules has been trying to say the least. I haven’t always run to God for comfort and peace.
My anxiety has shifted off of my body and food—praise God!—as He has brought significant healing into that area of my life. But when I’m not spending as much time in the Word, in prayer, or in community, the anxiety can crop back up in new ways. In these past few months, I’ve wrestled with anxiety in my pregnancy. I’ve worried about my baby and his health, and I’ve developed a rather intense fear of delivery. I’ve faced anxiety around my job, around Charles’ job, around our home and being “ready” for baby, around our finances, and even around my passion of writing and this blog.
This anxiety culminated last month in a panic attack, a first for me and something I felt woefully unprepared for.
It was terrifying, and I didn’t understand what was happening in the moment. After I calmed down, I fell asleep for over an hour. It was as though my body shut down, refusing to carry the weight of anxiety anymore.
As I’ve been processing through each of these things, I’ve written less and less on this blog. I’ve needed time to work through my thoughts and emotions with God, my husband, and those closest to me.
January feels like a new chapter for me and my little family. I keep thinking about the peace of Christ, and I pray this peace will rule in my heart as I have been “called to live in peace. And always be thankful.” (Colossians 3:15) Gratitude truly does change my perspective. When I focus on my blessings, like thinking about this baby boy as a literal miracle, my fear quickly dissipates. When I remember all The Lord has done for me, how He’s given me a new identity and a firm foundation in Him alone, then the stressors of this world become meaningless. Then all I want is to live for Him and to be more like Him.
I love the story of Jesus calming the storm in Luke 8:22-25:
“One day he and his disciples got into a boat, and he told them, ‘Let’s cross over to the other side of the lake.’ So they set out, and as they were sailing he fell asleep. Then a fierce windstorm came down on the lake; they were being swamped and were in danger. They came and woke him up, saying, ‘Master, Master, we’re going to die!’
Then he got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waves. So they ceased, and there was a calm. He said to them, ‘Where is your faith?’
They were fearful and amazed, asking one another, ‘Who then is this? He commands even the winds and the waves, and they obey him!’”
As I read this passage this week, I noticed the note I had written in the margin: Often we go through storms to experience more of God and more of His glory. He uses the storms to strengthen our faith and trust in Him. But He’s always present in the storm and all-powerful over it.
I imagine God has been waiting for me to come to this point, saying to me, Where is your faith? (Luke 8:25) I have created you for such a time as this. (Esther 4:14) Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. (Jeremiah 1:5) I know the plans I have for you, and I will give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11) Now trust in me with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5) Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with My righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)
Okay, Holy Spirit, let’s do this. 2019, I’m ready.
If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life.
And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.
Truly, He makes beautiful things.
Worship Songs That Move Me
Sometimes you just need to crank up the tunes and let the music wash over you. That’s how I feel about these five worship songs. They point me to the Truth of Christ and the Gospel when I need it. They remind me of my identity in Him. They echo the hope that God gives us in His Word. Over and over again, these worship songs move me.
We see God’s people singing in the Bible and worshipping Him through song. It’s no accident that we start church on Sunday mornings with worship. Our voices were created to reflect His glory—in our words and in our songs.
So grab your headphones or turn the speaker on loud, and praise God with me.
1. "Fear is a Liar" - Zach Williams
Zach Williams has done it once again with this song. I can almost guarantee the music video will make you cry. In fact, the first probably 10 times I heard this song in the car, I would start crying. I wrestle with fear, anxiety, perfectionism, comparison. I think most of us do. Williams' song cuts to the heart of our fears, reminding us those doubts come straight from Satan. Christ paid our debts by his blood, and He wants a relationship with us. All we have to do is believe in Him. He's made us fully capable, fully courageous, and fully free.
2. "You Say" - Lauren Daigle
Oh this song. It gives me chills. Every. Single. Time.
"I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough. Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up... Remind me once again just who I am because I need to know. You say I am loved when I can't feel a thing. You say I am strong when I think I am weak. You said I am held when I am fallen ashore. And when I don't belong, You say I am Yours. And I believe."
I constantly need to be reminded that my identity is in Christ alone. When I feel alone, He is with me. When I feel weak, He has made me strong. No matter what I'm going through—no matter what you are going through—You have an identity that is secure in Jesus.
This week I heard Daigle's song on the top 40 radio station here, and I about started crying all over again. We need the message of the Gospel now more than ever, and even pop radio recognizes it. We need to keep looking up.
3. "King of My Heart" - Steffany Gretzinger, Jeremy Riddle, and Christine Rhee (Bethel Music)
Watch this live music video, and you will feel the depth of God's promises to us. He is good, and He is faithful. He's made a covenant with us for all generations. Jesus died the death we deserve and rose to eternal life, giving us access forever to Him, The Father, Holy Spirit. God never goes back on His promises. He is the very definition of faithful. If you are in a difficult season of life, sing these words over yourself. "You are good, You're good... You're never gonna let me down."
4. "Your Love Defends Me" - Matt Maher
I first heard Matt Maher as a sophomore or junior in high school during youth group. I liked his music back then, but it was until I recently listened to this song that I felt a true sense of worship:
"Surely My God is the strength of my soul. Your love defends me... And when I feel like I'm all alone, Your love defends me."
When Maher launches into the "Hallelujah" part of the song, I can't help but praise God. God, you are my portion and my salvation. You are all I need.
5. "Who You Say I Am" - Hillsong Worship
No matter how lost you might feel, Jesus is for you. He wants to give you a new name as a child of God. We can chase a million things in this world hoping they will finally fulfill us. Dating, marriage, kids. Money. Career success. Beauty, influence, attention. Drugs, alcohol, food, gambling. We can chase it all, but nothing will ever satisfy us. Only Jesus can do that. He's given us a place at the table as his beloved sons and daughters.
"I am chosen, not forsaken. I am who You say I am. You are for me, not against me. I am who You say I am." Let us walk in that freedom, friends!
If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life.
And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.
Truly, He makes beautiful things.
Steadfast in Every Season
Back in January, I wrote about my word of the year and why I chose "steadfast."
steadfast (adj.)
(1) Firmly fixed in place: immovable.
(2) Firm in belief, determination, or adherence: loyal.
"I pray God cultivates steadfastness in me like His son, Jesus. This year, I pray my faith is resolutely firm. I want to be devoted to God no matter the situation or season. His love for us is unwavering—I want that kind of love for Him in return. I know I am prone to worry and anxiety. I like to be in control. But God, I give that to You.
Lord, help me to stand firm in the faith. Guard me against sin and temptation and keep me focused on you. Give me steadfastness. Endurance for the fight and total surrender to the King.
That's the life I want to live in 2018: steadfast and true."
Here we are, 7 months later, and I need that steadfastness in my life.
I have felt my emotions running the gamut these past few weeks. Anger, frustration, impatience, irritability. I have felt like a hormonal teenager all the time, getting annoyed by the slightest things and allowing a cloud of negativity to hang over my usual sunny self.
Charles and I recently moved, and I find myself rooting my emotions in the state of boxes in our apartment. When our home feels disheveled, so do I. I let my emotions carry me away, rather than anchoring myself in the Father above and the truth I know in Him.
God loves feelings. Jesus Himself experienced the depth of feelings while here on this earth. He knows deep joy and love, grief, anxiety, and empathy like no one else. He understands feelings because He is the One who created them.
So my feelings are not a bad thing. My feelings are not a problem in the eyes of God. Instead, my feelings are meant to show me more of Him. When I am upset about a messy apartment or frustrated that I can't do things exactly my way, what does that say about my heart?
I think about Joseph in the book of Genesis. Joseph, whom God loved, was put through situation after situation in which his faith was tested. Yet he never wavered. He followed God, and he credited all to God's righteousness. Joseph was thrown into a pit by his brothers and left to die. Then his brothers changed their minds and sold him as a slave to men passing by. Why let him die when they could prosper off his pain?
Joseph ends up serving Potiphar. Potiphar’s wife demands the young and attractive Joseph have an affair with her. He denies her, and Joseph ends up thrown in prison, hated by both Potiphar and his wife.
God still follows him.
“But the Lord was with Joseph and showed him steadfast love and gave him favor in the sight of the keepers of the prison… And whatever he did, the Lord made it succeed.”
He's respected and given more responsibility than the other prisoners. He helps the chief cupbearer get out of prison—and the cupbearer forgets about Joseph. Two. Whole. Years. Pass.
Finally, the cupbearer remembers Joseph. He gets him out of prison by telling Pharaoh he could interpret his dreams. Joseph explains how Egypt will have 7 years of abundance followed by 7 years of famine, and he helps Egypt prepare for this impending famine. So Pharoah uses Joseph and exalts him to the highest position in his kingdom.
“Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.”
Throughout his entire story—which spans years—we never see Joseph lose his cool. We don't see him freak out in the prison or complain to God.
In fact, Joseph is the complete opposite. He is steady, he is faithful, he is true.
God is with him in all that he does. Joseph reflects the steadfastness of God, and he’s a symbol of the Messiah to come. He shows what it truly looks like to have unwavering faith that isn’t disturbed by feelings or situation. His example encourages me in this season where my belief falters. From the pit to the prison to the riches in the house of Pharaoh, Joseph walks with God.
What would it look like for us to walk with God, regardless of circumstance? What if we remembered God walks with us even when we don’t feel His presence? I think our lives would look quite different. Our feelings would become more steady. And our emotions would serve as a way to point us to God, not detract us from Him.
“Lord, give me steadfastness like Joseph, like the Father, like Jesus. Keep me steady, peaceful, grateful. Help me walk with You in every situation and season. I pray all these things in Your name. Amen.”
If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life.
And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.
Truly, He makes beautiful things.
In Sickness and In Health
Our wedding day was the absolute best day, and everything turned out better than our wildest dreams. But the beautiful photos don’t tell the full story (as social media rarely does).
While at our rehearsal dinner the night before, Charles felt sick. Tired, shaky, weak, dehydrated. He looked pale as we arrived for dinner, and as the evening went on, things only got worse. He couldn’t enjoy his meal, and he kept turning to me to tell me something wasn’t right.
As chocolate lava cakes came around to the tables, Charles got up and went outside. (Chocolate lava cakes are his favorite so I knew something was really wrong.) He sat outside the restaurant, and he told me and his family that he felt more sick than he ever had in his life. That he needed to go to the hospital immediately.
Our pastor came outside, we laid hands on Charles, and we prayed over him. Then we drove him to the ER.
After waiting a while and getting brought to a room by wheelchair, Charles was hooked up to an IV. The doctors diagnosed him with dehydration, hyponatremia, and hypokalemia. Low sodium and low potassium, and if he had kept drinking plain water and losing nutrients as much as he was, he would have been in serious trouble. Charles told me he never felt that sick in his life, and that before he got to the hospital, he thought he was going to die.
We took this photo in the ER around 1:30 am, when doctors told us Charles was almost back to normal and okay to go home. The nurses wished us well and congratulated us on our impending nuptials, just a few hours away. Our brother-in-law said it best: Charles and my wedding was Friday, June 8, with a beautiful ceremony and celebration. But our marriage was built in that hospital room on June 7 (and in the early hours of June 8).
We know Charles is healthy and full of life today because of our Father. Jesus protected him, saved him, and gave us the gift of our wedding. Our marriage is a testament to His Grace. Thank you, Lord! And here’s to many more years by your side, Charles.
If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life.
And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.
Truly, He makes beautiful things.