Peace in a Pandemic

I published a version of this post in January 2019. I needed to re-read these words today—I hope they’re an encouragement for you, too.

Peace.

Peace with my body and health.

Peace in my marriage.

Peace within family and friendships.

Peace financially.

Peace with our jobs.

Peace at home.

Peace in my heart.

Peace with God.

This peace is the opposite of fear, worry, and anxiety. It’s the opposite of turmoil and war. Peace takes work. It takes trust in the Lord and faith in His plan.

The word “peace” occurs more than 400 times in the Bible. Yes, 400.

Try finding “fear” or “anxiety” that many times. Hint: You won’t. And when you do see “fear,” it’s likely referring to the fear of God, a holy reverence and awe of Him, not a feeling of danger.

My pastor once delivered a sermon where he referenced Ephesians 2, and it has really stuck with me. He said Jesus Himself is our peace—and that God actually created peace. Meditating on that helps bring me peace. Our God is not a God of worry and anxiety but of peace.

“For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near.”

— Ephesians 2:14-17

God sent his son, Jesus, to defeat sin and Satan. He destroyed the dividing wall of hostility between us and God, and He offers new, eternal life to everyone—simply asking we confess that we need Him and that we believe in Him. The cross that Jesus died for us on reconciles us to God and puts to death the hostility. It can no longer overtake us or rule us. It’s done for good.

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”

— Isaiah 9:6

But Jesus is not.

He rose again and is now seated at the throne in heaven. He came and preached peace to all the ends of the earth. Peace is His mission. Peace is His message, and this is the peace that I want to guide my life.

For so many of us, 2020 has been the opposite of peace. It’s been a year full of worry, anxiety, doubt, and fear. You might be afraid of COVID or getting sick this season. I can relate. My anxiety has shifted off of my body and food—praise God!—as He has brought significant healing into that area of my life. But when I’m not spending as much time in the Word, in prayer, or in community, the anxiety can crop back up in new ways. I’ve worried about my family’s health. I’ve faced anxiety around my parenting, marriage, home, and finances. Even around my passion for writing.

I’ve had a panic attack once before, and I don’t want to face that again. I want to take time away from the fear-inducing things of this world and focus on the peace of Christ.

I pray this peace will rule in my heart as I have been “called to live in peace. And always be thankful.” (Colossians 3:15) Gratitude truly does change my perspective. When I focus on my blessings, my fear quickly dissipates. When I remember all The Lord has done for me, how He’s given me a new identity and a firm foundation in Him alone, then the stressors of this world become small. Then all I want is to live for Him and to be more like Him.

I love the story of Jesus calming the storm in Luke 8:22-25:

“One day he and his disciples got into a boat, and he told them, ‘Let’s cross over to the other side of the lake.’ So they set out, and as they were sailing he fell asleep. Then a fierce windstorm came down on the lake; they were being swamped and were in danger. They came and woke him up, saying, ‘Master, Master, we’re going to die!’

Then he got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waves. So they ceased, and there was a calm. He said to them, ‘Where is your faith?’

They were fearful and amazed, asking one another, ‘Who then is this? He commands even the winds and the waves, and they obey him!’”

As I read this passage, I noticed the note I had written in the margin a long time ago: Often we go through storms to experience more of God and more of His glory. He uses the storms to strengthen our faith and trust in Him. But He’s always present in the storm and all-powerful over it.

I imagine God has been waiting for me to come to this point, saying to me, Where is your faith? (Luke 8:25) I have created you for such a time as this. (Esther 4:14) Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. (Jeremiah 1:5) I know the plans I have for you, and I will give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11) Now trust in me with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5) Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with My righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

God is saying those words to you, too, my friend. Listen to His truth and trust in His peace.

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.

My Testimony

Jesus paid it all,

All to Him I owe.

Sin had left a crimson stain,

He washed it white as snow.

Today is the day after Easter, and we have a snowstorm here in Colorado. It hasn’t stopped snowing since early yesterday morning. Although I was hoping for the spring weather like we had just last week, I have to say a snowy Easter is pretty fitting. I’ve been singing “Jesus Paid It All” on repeat and reflecting on Isaiah 1:18:

“Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.”

One of my bridesmaids sang this beautiful hymn at our wedding. I couldn’t keep it together to sing with her. I cried because this hymn is my story. My sin left a crimson stain, but Jesus washed me white as snow. He has made me a new person.

Jesus changed my life.

If you’ve been around my blog for a bit, you’ve probably learned parts of my testimony. I’ve struggled for years with anxiety, fear, control, approval, and perfectionism. At my worst, I almost died from an eating disorder. But God intervened. He opened my eyes, and He brought me healing. I’m now a wife and mom, and I honestly can’t believe all God has done in the past decade.

He is the God of miracles. The God who saves.

This is the story throughout Scripture, and it’s my story, too.

How to Fight Back Against Anxiety

After publishing my last post, a few of you reached out and told me you also struggle with anxiety or that you have had a panic attack this past year, too. You offered encouragement and truth, and for that, I am so very grateful. We weren't made to fight our battles alone, friends. And we weren't made to sit in anxiety, letting it rule over us. God created us for much more than that.

As I've been praying for peace and trust in the Lord's plan in 2019, He has reminded me how important it is to "get up and walk." (John 5:8) I don't see anxiety or panic attacks as sinful, but I do believe we can choose to run after Christ in the midst of those—and that He will sustain us. Below are five practical things that have helped me in the fight against anxiety.

1. Read the Bible.

Spending time in God's Word—daily—is our absolute best weapon against the enemy. Satan wants to bring you down, and he will use any tactic he can get. In 2018, I noticed I was finally experiencing true healing from my eating disorder. With my desire for control no longer being channeled into what I ate, Satan did everything he could to find a new outlet. Fear and worry cropped up in my pregnancy, in my job, and even in whether my home was clean or not. Sometimes I let those fears hold me back from time with God. In 2019, I'm committed to reading the Bible daily. I have seen firsthand how much of a difference that makes. God speaks to us all the time, and He's given us His Word as a direct form of communication. We just have to be willing to listen.

2. Pray.

It sounds easier than it is at times. Talk to God. Share your heart with Him in all its messy, anxious, fearfulness. You don't have to clean yourself up before God. In fact, He wants you to come as you are.

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”

— 1 Peter 5:6-7

God's yoke is easy and His burden is light. Go to Him.

I often want to Google a solution, phone a friend, or search a book for the comfort I'm looking for. But those times I talk to Jesus first, those are the times I really feel comforted. I can search for answers in a million different places. (And I do.) True peace, however, comes from God alone.

3. Memorize Scripture.

I was in a women's group in 2017 where we memorized two verses of the Bible each week. By the end of the year, we could each recite Ephesians 1 and 2 from memory. That practice changed my life. I was amazed at how much those verses from God's Word would come to mind when I needed Him most.

Since then, I haven't practiced much scripture memory, but it's a spiritual discipline I want to get back to. I know it's a fierce weapon in the fight against anxiety. So pick some verses—or just one—to memorize and be your mantra in those worry-filled moments. Speak truth aloud over yourself and let it soak into every fiber of your being.

Right now, I'm working on Isaiah 41:10:

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

4. Talk to a trusted friend.

Open up to a friend or family member you trust. I've learned that the more you are vulnerable with other people, the more they will be vulnerable with you. You can pray for each other, pray together, and encourage each other in whatever it is you're going through. This person can also serve as an accountability partner. Be honest with them, even if you're feeling guilt or shame. Sometimes this means talking to a counselor or therapist. I’ve spent about eight years in counseling, and I truly believe every one of us could benefit from it. I’m actually looking into counseling again now in Nashville because of how helpful my experience was back in New York.

As Christians, we need a constant cycle of confession and repentance to experience full freedom. Talk to God and talk to your friend.

5. Take a walk.

Go for a stroll, and if you can, leave your phone at home. Enjoy time in God's creation without other distractions. Head to a local trail, go on a hike, or simply walk around your neighborhood. A change of scenery and a bit of movement can be the best thing to help you get out of your own mind. Change your perspective from an inward focus to a greater focus on the Lord.

The less I think of myself, the less I worry. And the more I surrender humbly to God and give things up to Him, the better I feel. No matter what my emotions are, God remains the same. We can depend on Him to provide for us, care for us, and sustain us—even in the darkest hour.

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.

A Word for 2019

Freedom.

Rooted.

Steadfast.

I’ve been choosing a word of the year since 2016. A new word for each year, and each year, God shows up. While I think about the word and pray about it some before officially choosing it, I’m still not really sure in January what it means for me or if it will affect my year ahead. But then God always does beyond what I imagine He will, revealing more of Himself through that word over the next 12 months.

I didn’t spend a lot of time focusing on my word for 2019, because it came to me quickly, and I knew this word was the right one.

Peace.

Peace in my pregnancy, labor and delivery, and parenting.

Peace in my marriage.

Peace in our families and friendships.

Peace financially.

Peace with our jobs.

Peace at home.

Peace in my heart.

Peace with God.

This peace is the opposite of fear, worry, and anxiety. It’s the opposite of turmoil and war. Peace takes work. It takes trust in the Lord and faith in His plan.

The word “peace” occurs more than 400 times in the Bible. Yes, 400.

Try finding “fear” or “anxiety” that many times. Hint: You won’t. And when you do see “fear,” it’s likely referring to the fear of God, a holy reverence and awe of Him, not a feeling of danger.

A few weeks ago my pastor gave a sermon where he referenced Ephesians 2, and it has really stuck with me. He said Jesus Himself is our peace—and that God actually created peace. Meditating on that helps bring me peace. Our God is not a God of worry and anxiety but of peace.

“For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by setting aside in his flesh the law with its commands and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. He came and preached peace to you who were far away and peace to those who were near.”

— Ephesians 2:14-17

God sent his son, Jesus, to defeat sin and Satan. He destroyed the dividing wall of hostility between us and God, and He offers new, eternal life to everyone—simply asking we confess that we need Him and that we believe in Him. The cross that Jesus died for us on reconciles us to God and puts to death the hostility. It can no longer overtake us or rule us. It’s done for good.

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”

— Isaiah 9:6

But Jesus is not.

He rose again and is now seated at the throne in heaven. He came and preached peace to all the ends of the earth. Peace is His mission. Peace is His message, and this is the peace that I want to guide my life.

The last few months of my 2018 haven’t been peaceful. They’ve been full of worry, anxiety, doubt, and fear. They’ve looked much different than what I had expected for newlywed life. My husband and I work opposite schedules. We have a few hours to be together on the weekend, but that’s it. There’s no time for joining a group together through our church or for making new friends. No time for the seemingly little things like having breakfast with each other or even washing the dishes together. We both value quality time as our top love language, so having such different schedules has been trying to say the least. I haven’t always run to God for comfort and peace.

My anxiety has shifted off of my body and food—praise God!—as He has brought significant healing into that area of my life. But when I’m not spending as much time in the Word, in prayer, or in community, the anxiety can crop back up in new ways. In these past few months, I’ve wrestled with anxiety in my pregnancy. I’ve worried about my baby and his health, and I’ve developed a rather intense fear of delivery. I’ve faced anxiety around my job, around Charles’ job, around our home and being “ready” for baby, around our finances, and even around my passion of writing and this blog.

This anxiety culminated last month in a panic attack, a first for me and something I felt woefully unprepared for.

It was terrifying, and I didn’t understand what was happening in the moment. After I calmed down, I fell asleep for over an hour. It was as though my body shut down, refusing to carry the weight of anxiety anymore.

As I’ve been processing through each of these things, I’ve written less and less on this blog. I’ve needed time to work through my thoughts and emotions with God, my husband, and those closest to me.

January feels like a new chapter for me and my little family. I keep thinking about the peace of Christ, and I pray this peace will rule in my heart as I have been “called to live in peace. And always be thankful.” (Colossians 3:15) Gratitude truly does change my perspective. When I focus on my blessings, like thinking about this baby boy as a literal miracle, my fear quickly dissipates. When I remember all The Lord has done for me, how He’s given me a new identity and a firm foundation in Him alone, then the stressors of this world become meaningless. Then all I want is to live for Him and to be more like Him.

I love the story of Jesus calming the storm in Luke 8:22-25:

“One day he and his disciples got into a boat, and he told them, ‘Let’s cross over to the other side of the lake.’ So they set out, and as they were sailing he fell asleep. Then a fierce windstorm came down on the lake; they were being swamped and were in danger. They came and woke him up, saying, ‘Master, Master, we’re going to die!’

Then he got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waves. So they ceased, and there was a calm. He said to them, ‘Where is your faith?’

They were fearful and amazed, asking one another, ‘Who then is this? He commands even the winds and the waves, and they obey him!’”

As I read this passage this week, I noticed the note I had written in the margin: Often we go through storms to experience more of God and more of His glory. He uses the storms to strengthen our faith and trust in Him. But He’s always present in the storm and all-powerful over it.

I imagine God has been waiting for me to come to this point, saying to me, Where is your faith? (Luke 8:25) I have created you for such a time as this. (Esther 4:14) Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. (Jeremiah 1:5) I know the plans I have for you, and I will give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11) Now trust in me with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5) Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with My righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

Okay, Holy Spirit, let’s do this. 2019, I’m ready.

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.