A Prayer of Remembrance

God brought me out of slavery. He healed me from the inside out. He restored my life. He gave me manna in the wilderness, water from the rock.

Even though I still struggle, I know I am redeemed. Lord, help me to not forget you.

Deuteronomy chapter eight was hitting me hard today. Let’s read the full passage together:

“Be careful to follow every command I am giving you today, so that you may live and increase and may enter and possess the land the Lord promised on oath to your ancestors. Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you.

Observe the commands of the Lord your God, walking in obedience to him and revering him. For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land—a land with brooks, streams, and deep springs gushing out into the valleys and hills; a land with wheat and barley, vines and fig trees, pomegranates, olive oil and honey; a land where bread will not be scarce and you will lack nothing; a land where the rocks are iron and you can dig copper out of the hills.

When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you. Be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, then your heart will become proud and you will forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. He led you through the vast and dreadful wilderness, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock. He gave you manna to eat in the wilderness, something your ancestors had never known, to humble and test you so that in the end it might go well with you. You may say to yourself, “My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.” But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today.

If you ever forget the Lord your God and follow other gods and worship and bow down to them, I testify against you today that you will surely be destroyed. Like the nations the Lord destroyed before you, so you will be destroyed for not obeying the Lord your God."

Oh Lord, I confess I am quick to forget you.

So quick to forget the slavery you brought me out of, and to even wish things were as they used to be. Just the Israelites, who wished they were back in Egypt where they ate good food – forgetting that’s where they were slaves! I look at the manna you have given me, God – food to eat, an apartment to live in, a loving husband and a stable job for him, two beautiful children – and I long for other provisions. Why can’t I have better food, a better home, more alone time, more money, the ability to travel, etcetera, etcetera?

I turn to other gods in worship. I want my own comfort, my control, my security. Yet, Yahweh alone is worthy of my worship. He gives me my daily bread, every day. His mercies are new every morning.

How quickly I forget.

If I had all the desires of my heart, all my sinful desires for a more comfortable life, a more robust bank account, a perfectly mapped-out five-year plan, how much easier would it be for me to abandon God altogether?

“He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.”

Help me to remember, God, that you are all I need. That, in fact, I deserve nothing. I am a sinner, and I deserve death. But God, you gave Your Son’s life for me. You made a way in the wilderness, streams in the desert. You started something new!

When I hold my baby, hold a bag of groceries, and hold my toddler’s hand as we walk up the stairs to our apartment, Lord, give me a heart of gratitude.

Thank you for my squirmy baby.

Thank you for my rambunctious toddler.

Thank you for this bag of food to eat.

Thank you for strong arms to carry these things.

Thank you for strong legs to walk up and down stairs.

Thank you for a roof over my head, heat to keep us warm, and beds to sleep comfortably each night.

Thank you for saving me and giving me a seat at the table You’ve prepared for me.

Change my heart, God. Remove my heart of stone and give me a heart of flesh.

Help me praise you in all circumstances.

In Jesus’ name, I pray.

Amen.

Hope in the Midst of Unmet Expectations

“May the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge, reward you fully for what you have done.” (Ruth 2:12, NLT)

I had our first year of marriage all planned out. 

Romantic dinners, walks in the park, coffee dates, and Sundays side-by-side at church. 

Instead, our year looked vastly different. Shortly after our honeymoon, my husband began working nights. The job slowly ate away at him and often hit 80 hours per week. We hardly saw each other. 

“How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?” (Psalm 13:1a, ESV)

I wonder if Ruth ever felt the same way. 

After losing her father-in-law, brother-in-law, and husband, Ruth boldly chose to stay by her mother-in-law Naomi’s side. 

“For wherever you go, I will go, and wherever you live, I will live; your people will be my people, and your God will be my God.” (Ruth 1:16b, HCSB)

Her loyalty comes amidst desperation. Ruth had witnessed Naomi’s faith in Yahweh. She was willing to leave behind her family and homeland to follow the Lord. And she had hope He would deliver them.

God wrote Ruth’s story, and once in Bethlehem, He brought her to Boaz’s field. Boaz protects her, ensuring she and Naomi have food. He blesses her:

“May the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge, reward you fully for what you have done.” (Ruth 2:12, NLT)

Ruth’s unwavering faith in the Lord is so encouraging. Through every season, we’re called to seek refuge under the shadow of His wings.

This young woman had no idea Boaz was one of Naomi’s “kinsman-redeemers.” She was simply obeying God. Later, she humbles herself at Boaz’s feet, requesting marriage. Boaz selflessly takes Ruth as his bride and vows to sacrificially care for her. This is huge! God’s providence leads Ruth—a poor widow and foreigner—to Boaz. She gives birth to a son, and God puts Ruth in the genealogy of Jesus. 

Naomi and Ruth had no home, security, or hope. And God provided. 

He’s not left us without a Redeemer. He cares for us as individual women, no matter our background or circumstance. During marital hardship, poverty, fear, disappointment, and death, God is still present. He’s full of lovingkindness, and He’s provided our ultimate Kinsman-Redeemer in Jesus Christ.

My marriage didn’t improve overnight. My husband’s job wore us down and disappointed us.

But God never did. He was always there, pointing me to stories of hope like Ruth’s.

He showed us dashed expectations can be a very good thing and His plan is much better than ours. Ten months into marriage, I gave birth to our son, an unexpected, “good and perfect gift” (James 1:17, NIV). God gave us a tangible sign of hope—a continual reminder of His provision. “How excellent is thy lovingkindness, O God! therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of thy wings.” (Psalm 36:7, KJV)

Thank you, Jesus.

With Us in the Wilderness

My sister-in-law and I have been studying Numbers using Lauren Chandler’s With Us in the Wilderness book. And it has been so good. Numbers is the kind of book that I would read through quickly, missing much of the meaning and having a hard time focusing on. But Chandler has connected so many dots for us throughout Scripture, and we’re only halfway through the study. 

One of my favorite passages in the Bible is Numbers 6:24-26. This was actually read as a blessing at our wedding, and this year I decided to memorize it. I love praying this over my son (and he especially loves the Elevation Worship song based on it!)

Even if you haven’t read the book of Numbers before (I hadn’t), you’re likely familiar with these verses. For context, during the book of Exodus, God delivers His people out of Egypt after sending 10 plagues and parting the Red Sea. Now, the Israelites are in the wilderness, where they will spend 40 years before entering the Promised Land. During this part of Numbers, the people are restless. They are tired of wandering and impatient for God’s promise. The Lord gives Aaron (a priest and brother of Moses) this blessing for His people.

“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.”

— Numbers 6:24-26

This is an incredible blessing from God. He extends it to each and every one of His children, and it still applies even when we’re walking through our own wilderness. Jesus Himself went through the wilderness. For 40 days, He was tempted by Satan, and He relied on the Father to deliver Him.

In her study book, Chandler writes:

“The Lord ‘blesses people by giving them children, property, land, good health, and his presence (Gen. 17:16; 22:17f; Lev 26:3-13; Deut. 28:2-14).’ The Lord ‘keeps’ His people by guarding and protecting them. For God to ‘shine his face’ on them is to liken Him to the favor and grace sunshine brings… The peace that is mentioned here is the Hebrew word shalom. It isn’t just peace in wartime, but wholeness and well-being. It is the ‘sum total of all God’s good gifts to his people.’”

Through Jesus, we get to have this total peace—both with God and with others. When we accept Christ as our Lord and Savior, we get to experience the sum total of all God’s good gifts to His people. Wow. That is the truth that I desperately need to cling to when times are hard.

If you are in the middle of your own wilderness right now, know that you are not alone. God sees you, and He continually offers deliverance. I’m so grateful for that.

What are you studying in the Word right now? Does your Bible study or quiet time look different because of the pandemic? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

Lessons Learned

This past weekend, we went on a snowy, winter hike. It was a short, relatively easy one mile to the top, where a beautiful, icy glacier awaited us. We’d done this hike a few times before but always during the summer. We all dressed in warm clothes and boots, and we set off excitedly on our journey.

We took some incredible photos, like the one above. It looks like a winter wonderland, right? And in the photo I shared on Instagram where you see our faces, we look super happy.

What our beautiful photos don’t show you is that we ended up being pretty unprepared for the frigid temps and strong winds that met us at the top. My husband and I both forgot our gloves. (Oof.) Even though our son had on his warmest mittens, coat, boots, and hat, he still looked pretty darn cold and windburned halfway through the hike. Right before we headed back down, I started to feel anxious and worried for him. And unfortunately, I took my frustration and fear out on my husband by yelling at him. Never the way to go. Our son started screaming and crying.

His crying picked up as we began our descent. And it was the awful, sad, high-pitched kind of cry that comes with lots of tears and a very runny nose. It hurts my heart just thinking about it.

Charles took him out of the hiking backpack to instead hold him close. He used his bare hands to warm our little guy’s face, while going as fast as he could down the hill. Twenty minutes later, we’re back at our car, all trying to warm up and calm down. Our son was still screaming, and Charles’ hands hurt so bad, I thought he had frostbite.

The next thing we know, the car starts blasting air instead of heat—and then it shuts off completely.

Well, THANK THE LORD my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and three of her kids were with us. They took a separate car, so praise God we could all pile in their vehicle to stay warm. At this point, Charles realized our car wouldn’t start because it was out of gas. We were stuck. Cue another angry outburst from me. Yikes.

My angel sister-in-law drove us all a half hour to the nearest town, where we picked up a tank of gas. And then she drove us all back up that mountain so Charles could fill our car. Did I mention she is an angel? 😊

After a few unsuccessful starts, and more shivering in the freezing temps, Charles was able to fill up our tank with those two precious gallons of gas. It was just enough to let us coast down the mountain into the nearest town to fill up with a full tank. After that, we all headed safely back to my sister-in-law’s for a delicious homemade dinner and cozy night in.

It was a crazy afternoon, one that taught me a few valuable lessons I want to share with you here:

1. Never let your gas tank get below half a tank during the winter, especially if you’re traveling at higher altitudes.

2. Always keep an emergency kit in your car.

3. What you see on social media is almost always a highlight reel. We took some beautiful photos on our hike. But like I said when I shared a picture on my Instagram, a photo only depicts a small snippet of a story. Social media is a platform where most of us, most of the time, show off our very best selves. Remember that whenever you’re tempted to compare yourself to someone else. You never know what their full story might be.

4. My attitude as a mom has the ability to affect my entire family. This goes for every one of us moms, and I would argue for anyone helping lead a family. I remember reading this in a motherhood book, and this weekend I learned it is so, so true. My temperature affects my husband’s and my children’s. I want to be a mom who parents with joy and who trusts in the Lord as much and as often as I humanly can.

5. Last but certainly not least: Despite my turbulent emotions, God is always stable. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). When I’m fearful, when I’m anxious, when I’m angry, when I’m out of gas—God is my rock (Isaiah 44:8). He is my anchor (Hebrews 6:19). He’s the only One I can tether myself to for true protection, provision, and peace. He is the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6). Thank you, Lord!

“Do not tremble, do not be afraid. Did I not proclaim this and foretell it long ago? You are my witnesses. Is there any God besides me? No, there is no other Rock; I know not one.”

— Isaiah 44:8