My Word of the Year

It's only January 21, but the new year has already ushered in a host of changes. I started a new job in a new industry in downtown Nashville, and (drumroll, please) we are engaged! Within one week, I accepted my new job offer, gave my notice at work, and Charles proposed. Needless to say, the Christmas season felt extra special with friends and family this year. 

I've taken the past few weeks to soak up our engagement and focus on being present. The blog has taken a back seat because of that, but I'm ready to post as regularly as I can in 2018. I love this little space, and I'm so grateful to each of you joining me on the journey. 

The Lord has been teaching me so much in the past few weeks. I picked up my very first Powersheets One-Year Intentional Goal Planner at the end of the year, and I've been excitedly walking through the prep work since then. I first heard about their creator and author Lara Casey from my sister. Lara is an amazing mom, wife, entrepreneur, and sweet Christian. And her Powersheets have always intrigued me because their focus is on cultivating what really matters, with practical action steps. 

She gave me the idea for a word of the year a few years ago. Last year I chose "rooted," and the Lord truly used that word throughout those 12 months. I wrote in my journal:

“God, I pray for depth this year. Fewer commitments, fewer things, and greater focus on you. Help me to grow deep rather than wide. You will guide me. I pray I listen and obey. Strengthen my relationship because we’re both going deeper with you. Help me to do good work at my job and on my blog because I am growing deeper in you. Let all I do be an outpouring of that depth; let it continually point back to you. I pray for deeper health, healing, courage, and freedom. Let the roots grow deep, Lord.

Rooted in you, watered daily with Scripture and prayer so that I may grow and blossom. Rooted in you, Father.”

He did absolutely that—He grew the roots deep and allowed me to blossom in Him. He grew my relationship with Charles, He grew my understanding and love of His word, and He grew my process of healing and restoration. 

As I've sat and really contemplated what my word might be in 2018, God has reminded me of His faithfulness. He's reminded me how very big He is and how very small I am. And how's that a very good thing. He's brought me back to the start, to Genesis, to show me how much He's weaving His story and our stories from beginning to end. 

One word has popped up over and over for me: 

steadfast (adj.)

(1) Firmly fixed in place: immovable.

(2) Firm in belief, determination, or adherence: loyal. 

Synonyms include: faithful, devoted, steady, true, firm, constant, unwavering.

I’m making my way through Genesis, and no story better illustrates steadfastness to me than that of Abraham and Sarah. God chose Abraham to be the father of all nations, whose offspring would number more than the stars in the sky. The only problem? Both Abraham and his wife, Sarah, were old and childless. In Genesis 18, the Lord says to them that He will return in a year’s time, and Sarah will have a son. Sarah actually laughs at God, knowing she’s way past childbearing age. God speaks to them quite boldly:

“Is anything impossible for the Lord? At the appointed time, I will come back to you, and in about a year, she will have a son.”

— Genesis 18:14

God had changed Abram’s name to Abraham, from “high father” to “father of a multitude.” He had changed Sarai’s name to Sarah, from “princess” to “mother of all nations.” You know when God changes someone’s name in the Bible, He’s about to do something big. He changes names because He changes hearts. He writes the story. He makes history.  

With Sarah and Abraham, God was faithful. He gave them a son, Isaac. He came back to Sarah exactly as He said He would and at the very time that He had set (Genesis 21).

God is firm, true, unwavering. He is constant, and He is loyal, even when we falter. No matter what our lives look like, God is there. No matter what changes we go through or ups and downs we face, He remains the same.

God is the very definition of steadfast.

He is not slow to fulfill His promises, but He works on His own timetable. He wants all to be saved. (2 Peter 3:9) The Christian Standard Bible translates this verse in a way that really stands out: “The Lord does not delay his promise, as some understand delay, but is patient with you, not wanting any to perish but all to come to repentance.”

God is patient, and His timing is always the best. I fail to believe this sometimes. I want to do things my way, according to my own schedule. What I want, when I want. For example, I felt a tug on my heart that He was going to send me out from my full-time ministry job into a secular environment. I prayed about that for 10 months in 2017 before receiving an offer and trusting it was what God had asked me to step into it. God is much bigger and greater than me.

Think of Abraham and Sarah: waiting on God’s perfect timing was absolutely worth it. They had to go through difficulties before Isaac was born. The same is true for us. I know 2018 will hold more changes. Suffering will happen. I can find hope knowing God is still the same.

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

— James 1:2-4

I pray God cultivates steadfastness in me like His son, Jesus. This year, I pray my faith is resolutely firm. I want to be devoted to God no matter the situation or season. His love for us is unwavering—I want that kind of love for Him in return. I know I am prone to worry and anxiety. I like to be in control. But God, I give that to You. 

Lord, help me to stand firm in the faith. Guard me against sin and temptation and keep me focused on you. Give me steadfastness. Endurance for the fight and total surrender to the King.

That's the life I want to live in 2018: steadfast and true. 

The Reason for the Season

Christmas is almost here. As I drove up to Chicago yesterday, I had almost eight hours to myself, so I spent time listening to the Bible app and a sermon on Advent from The Village Church. It really helped me get into the mindset of Christmas and remember the true reason for the season.

If I'm honest, though, I haven't been as reflective this Advent as I wanted to be. I told myself when December hit that I'd do something special each day. I started the month listing to an Advent devotional, but doing so quickly faded away as the hustle and bustle of the season seemed to take over.

I have much to share in coming posts about all this month has held. But no matter what I’ve been up to or however distracted I may have felt, God is present. Christmas is His season. And without Jesus Christ, there is no Christmas.

This year, I’ve noticed more Christmas trees with stars on top, more Christmas cards for sale, more “Merry Christmas” greetings from sales clerks and toll booth operators and customer service folks over the phone. Have you noticed that, too? I think people—Americans on the whole—are ready for hope and revival. We are waiting for peace and joy, and the promise of our Savior come alive. We’re tired of the death, destruction, and rampant sin in this world. Whether we realize it or not, we need Jesus.

With Advent, we wait. We wait for the arrival of Christ, knowing that He has already come as a man, died as the spotless lamb, and risen for us so that we might have eternal life. During Advent, we remember what it was like for the world thousands of years ago, waiting on the hope of the Messiah—a baby born in a manger.

I’m blown away by how God orchestrated the birth of Jesus. He used Mary and Joseph, and He planned every detail of His coming. He used ordinary people with incredible obedience for His extraordinary purpose.

Do you stop to think God wants to do the same thing with us ordinary people today?

Most of us hate waiting. We’re almost always rushing toward something. (Maybe I’m only speaking for myself here.) Yet Scripture instructs us, both in the Old and New Testaments, to do that very thing: to wait.

“But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”

— Isaiah 40:31

We’re told to stay dependent on God, and He will honor our waiting. I’ve written before that waiting feels passive. Weak. Helpless. In fact, it’s the complete opposite. It’s one of the strongest and most courageous choices you can make.

Here’s the deal: We are all always waiting for something, whether it’s for a job or an apartment, for marriage or a baby. We will wait throughout our lives, ultimately waiting for the return of the kingdom or life beyond this one. Most of our life is waiting. Waiting means choosing to say every single day, Jesus is better.

Don’t forget: Our God is a Crock-Pot kind of guy. He’s not a microwave God. He is good and faithful. He fulfills His promises to us. But He works slowly—often much more slowly than we would like.

“Dear friends, don’t overlook this one fact: With the Lord one day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years like one day. The Lord does not delay his promise, as some understand delay, but is patient with you, not wanting any to perish but all to come to repentance.

But the day of the Lord will come like a thief; on that day the heavens will pass away with a loud noise, the elements will burn and be dissolved, and the earth and the works on it will be disclosed. Since all these things are to be dissolved in this way, it is clear what sort of people you should be in holy conduct and godliness as you wait for the day of God and hasten its coming. Because of that day, the heavens will be dissolved with fire and the elements will melt with heat. But based on his promise, we wait for new heavens and a new earth, where righteousness dwells.”

— 2 Peter 3:8-13

When you feel like God is moving slowly in your life, take heart. He does not delay His promise! His timing is perfect. He works in our waiting, and He is patient with us.

Advent reminds us of the beauty of waiting. God began telling His people about Jesus a full millennium and a half before His birth. God really was before all things, is in all things, and is the future of all things. He is making everything new, and His thread of redemption is woven throughout history.

The precious baby Jesus grew into the man who showed the world a new way, who died the death we deserve, and who rose again to offer redemption for all people! Christmas is the beginning of the story of Jesus, but Christmas continues with us. We wait in excited anticipation of His second coming or life eternal in the kingdom of heaven. We get to wait in the hope of the Gospel, knowing He is true and faithful. Thank you, Father, for sending Your Son! Thank you for preparing the way.

“Glory to God in the highest heaven, and peace on earth to people he favors!”

— Luke 2:14

---

If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.

Feeling the Feels and Walking the Walk

I’m a deep feeler. I am sensitive. I am empathetic. I am conscientious. I feel things to my very core, and it can be very hard for me to simply brush things off. Although I don’t enjoy conflict, I do definitely place a high value on talking about feelings and allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Authentic. Transparent.

Those are such buzz words nowadays, and I’m on board. I am all for living an authentic life. Living a life full of confidence and conviction.

But what I don’t want to do is leave Jesus in the dust while I’m over here supposedly living my best life based on how I feel.

God gave us our emotions. God gave us our feelings, and He gave us them specifically for specific purposes. Sometimes that purpose is so we demonstrate mercy and grace, or so we share humility with others. And sometimes, those feelings show us our dire need for a Savior—our utter lostness without the anchor of Christ.

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.”

— Hebrews 6:19

I repeated those words in Hebrews to myself two weeks ago as I sat on the bathroom floor, hunched over the toilet, clutching the white porcelain and certain I would lose my marbles at any moment. I told myself that verse over and over again. I told myself that I could trust God.

You see, I absolutely hate throwing up. I mean, no one enjoys it, but I hate it. I get panicky when I feel nauseated, and typically when I am sick with some sort of digestive problem, I cry.

So in that moment, on the cold bathroom floor at 2 a.m., I cried out to God. I asked him to take away the pain. I asked him to heal me. And I finally relaxed enough to realize my body is going to do what it needs to do. If I needed to get sick, then that would be okay. I would be okay. God is still good.

After a good almost two hours of intense nausea like that, still nothing had happened. I crawled back to bed and eventually fell asleep. The next two days, I rested; I then went back to work and all seemed to be well.

Except eight days later, the same situation happened again.

I felt ready this time. I was somewhat scared but ready. I could do this. I would be okay.

And again, nothing.

I felt this intense pain, discomfort, and uneasiness. I spent half of the night awake on the bathroom floor trying to understand what was going on.

While I have a doctor’s appointment soon and am hopeful for some answers (Is it dairy? Is it gluten? Is it this new medication?), the fact of the matter remains: I don’t understand. I don’t understand, and I feel pretty darn crappy. These gastrointestinal issues have left me feeling fearful and in pain. I have even felt lonely and sad.

Why am I telling you about my GI issues in detail?

Because these uncomfortable moments and negative feelings have shown me my need to be totally reliant on Christ.

I cannot do this life alone. I cannot control everything, and I cannot base my faith on my feelings. There will be countless times in this life when I don’t feel well. Whether that’s due to an illness or medication, or because of a broken heart, loss, or longing, we will continue to not feel well in this lifetime.

If you do a Google search for “core feelings,” “basic emotions,” or something along those lines, you’ll find a few variations of the list developed by psychologists. The psych major in me loves this stuff, and I think this list of nine core feelings really gets to the heart:

Anger

Fear

Pain

Loneliness

Love

Passion

Joy

Guilt

Shame

These are feelings we will experience on a regular basis, even daily. Not might but will.

Not only do I feel physical pain and emotional fear from GI issues, but I feel some loneliness because I’m in a long-distance relationship. I also feel love and passion from that relationship. At the same time, I feel guilt and shame when I indulge in sin, when I turn away from God.

“We trust God because feelings are real, but they’re not reliable. He is unchanging. God sees you. God knows you. He’s calling out to you. God is who He says He is. What He says about you is true. He alone is reliable and able to rescue us. He is unchanging, and He is our deliverer.”

— Mason King, The Village Church

Frustration, sadness, embarrassment, regret, isolation—all feelings we’ll encounter on earth as humans.

Feelings cannot carry us through the struggles. Only faith can do that.

We serve a God who has felt every feeling as He walked this earth, fully man and fully God. Jesus was tempted in every way and yet sinless. He is perfect. Because of this, we know we can run to Him when we are tempted and when we feel these negative emotions.

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tested in every way as we are, yet without sin. ”

— Hebrews 4:15

God is super specific in His Word about who we are. He gave us an identity, and we can stand in that truth even when we don’t feel like it. Even when we don’t feel as though as have an identity, or when we feel like the ways in which we define ourselves are crumbling. Because that's the thing:

If we place our true selves in our always feeling happy, then we will always come up empty.

We’ll be looking for our job, relationships, bank accounts, homes, and bodies to satisfy us. Except they never will.

Like impure dross being transformed into gold, we are going to be refined by fire. I expect that fire will come with difficult emotions.

Read through 1 Peter 1; you’ll see what I mean.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Because of his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead and into an inheritance that is imperishable,undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you. You are being guarded by God’s power through faith for a salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. You rejoice in this, even though now for a short time, if necessary, you suffer grief in various trials so that the proven character of your faith—more valuable than gold which, though perishable, is refined by fire—may result in praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him; though not seeing him now, you believe in him, and you rejoice with inexpressible and glorious joy, because you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”

— 1 Peter 1:1-9

We will be tested. We won’t always feel good about that. But let us still rejoice! God gave us feelings. And they’re not all bad feelings. He gave us hope, peace, compassion, humility, love. He gave us all these feelings through His son, Jesus, and asked us to walk by faith.

I have to walk by faith even when I don’t feel like it. It’s the only way. Believe me, a lot of the times I just don’t feel like it! Living a life without God is easier. But I have a living hope and an assurance of salvation through faith in Christ alone. We are all offered that. When we cast our burdens onto God—no matter how big or how small—He will carry us through. Our feelings cannot dictate our faith. But when we walk by faith and ask for a spirit of rejoicing, the feelings will follow.

---

If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.

Put on the New Self

God has been hitting me over the head recently with the whole idea of "holiness." I'm not talking about legalism or self-righteousness. I'm talking about walking in the holy identity He has already bestowed upon us as believers. 

“If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all.

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”

— Colossians 3:1-17

In the NIV, the heading for this section of Colossians 3 is "Living as Those Made Alive in Christ." The CSB calls it "The Life of a New Man." That's how I want to live—putting on the new self every single day. I want my life to reflect the identity I have in Christ. I want to live from His victory, rather than for victory of my own.

I pray that we, as a generation of Christians, show what it really looks like to be in Christ. To put away impurity, lust, greed, sexual immorality, anger, wrath, slander, and filthy language. To instead practice compassion, humility, gentleness, patience, love, and forgiveness. I think if we live our lives in a way that reflects our true identity as beloved and precious children of the King, we would change the world.