Feeling the Feels and Walking the Walk

I’m a deep feeler. I am sensitive. I am empathetic. I am conscientious. I feel things to my very core, and it can be very hard for me to simply brush things off. Although I don’t enjoy conflict, I do definitely place a high value on talking about feelings and allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Authentic. Transparent.

Those are such buzz words nowadays, and I’m on board. I am all for living an authentic life. Living a life full of confidence and conviction.

But what I don’t want to do is leave Jesus in the dust while I’m over here supposedly living my best life based on how I feel.

God gave us our emotions. God gave us our feelings, and He gave us them specifically for specific purposes. Sometimes that purpose is so we demonstrate mercy and grace, or so we share humility with others. And sometimes, those feelings show us our dire need for a Savior—our utter lostness without the anchor of Christ.

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.”

— Hebrews 6:19

I repeated those words in Hebrews to myself two weeks ago as I sat on the bathroom floor, hunched over the toilet, clutching the white porcelain and certain I would lose my marbles at any moment. I told myself that verse over and over again. I told myself that I could trust God.

You see, I absolutely hate throwing up. I mean, no one enjoys it, but I hate it. I get panicky when I feel nauseated, and typically when I am sick with some sort of digestive problem, I cry.

So in that moment, on the cold bathroom floor at 2 a.m., I cried out to God. I asked him to take away the pain. I asked him to heal me. And I finally relaxed enough to realize my body is going to do what it needs to do. If I needed to get sick, then that would be okay. I would be okay. God is still good.

After a good almost two hours of intense nausea like that, still nothing had happened. I crawled back to bed and eventually fell asleep. The next two days, I rested; I then went back to work and all seemed to be well.

Except eight days later, the same situation happened again.

I felt ready this time. I was somewhat scared but ready. I could do this. I would be okay.

And again, nothing.

I felt this intense pain, discomfort, and uneasiness. I spent half of the night awake on the bathroom floor trying to understand what was going on.

While I have a doctor’s appointment soon and am hopeful for some answers (Is it dairy? Is it gluten? Is it this new medication?), the fact of the matter remains: I don’t understand. I don’t understand, and I feel pretty darn crappy. These gastrointestinal issues have left me feeling fearful and in pain. I have even felt lonely and sad.

Why am I telling you about my GI issues in detail?

Because these uncomfortable moments and negative feelings have shown me my need to be totally reliant on Christ.

I cannot do this life alone. I cannot control everything, and I cannot base my faith on my feelings. There will be countless times in this life when I don’t feel well. Whether that’s due to an illness or medication, or because of a broken heart, loss, or longing, we will continue to not feel well in this lifetime.

If you do a Google search for “core feelings,” “basic emotions,” or something along those lines, you’ll find a few variations of the list developed by psychologists. The psych major in me loves this stuff, and I think this list of nine core feelings really gets to the heart:

Anger

Fear

Pain

Loneliness

Love

Passion

Joy

Guilt

Shame

These are feelings we will experience on a regular basis, even daily. Not might but will.

Not only do I feel physical pain and emotional fear from GI issues, but I feel some loneliness because I’m in a long-distance relationship. I also feel love and passion from that relationship. At the same time, I feel guilt and shame when I indulge in sin, when I turn away from God.

“We trust God because feelings are real, but they’re not reliable. He is unchanging. God sees you. God knows you. He’s calling out to you. God is who He says He is. What He says about you is true. He alone is reliable and able to rescue us. He is unchanging, and He is our deliverer.”

— Mason King, The Village Church

Frustration, sadness, embarrassment, regret, isolation—all feelings we’ll encounter on earth as humans.

Feelings cannot carry us through the struggles. Only faith can do that.

We serve a God who has felt every feeling as He walked this earth, fully man and fully God. Jesus was tempted in every way and yet sinless. He is perfect. Because of this, we know we can run to Him when we are tempted and when we feel these negative emotions.

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tested in every way as we are, yet without sin. ”

— Hebrews 4:15

God is super specific in His Word about who we are. He gave us an identity, and we can stand in that truth even when we don’t feel like it. Even when we don’t feel as though as have an identity, or when we feel like the ways in which we define ourselves are crumbling. Because that's the thing:

If we place our true selves in our always feeling happy, then we will always come up empty.

We’ll be looking for our job, relationships, bank accounts, homes, and bodies to satisfy us. Except they never will.

Like impure dross being transformed into gold, we are going to be refined by fire. I expect that fire will come with difficult emotions.

Read through 1 Peter 1; you’ll see what I mean.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Because of his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead and into an inheritance that is imperishable,undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you. You are being guarded by God’s power through faith for a salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. You rejoice in this, even though now for a short time, if necessary, you suffer grief in various trials so that the proven character of your faith—more valuable than gold which, though perishable, is refined by fire—may result in praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him; though not seeing him now, you believe in him, and you rejoice with inexpressible and glorious joy, because you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”

— 1 Peter 1:1-9

We will be tested. We won’t always feel good about that. But let us still rejoice! God gave us feelings. And they’re not all bad feelings. He gave us hope, peace, compassion, humility, love. He gave us all these feelings through His son, Jesus, and asked us to walk by faith.

I have to walk by faith even when I don’t feel like it. It’s the only way. Believe me, a lot of the times I just don’t feel like it! Living a life without God is easier. But I have a living hope and an assurance of salvation through faith in Christ alone. We are all offered that. When we cast our burdens onto God—no matter how big or how small—He will carry us through. Our feelings cannot dictate our faith. But when we walk by faith and ask for a spirit of rejoicing, the feelings will follow.

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.

Put on the New Self

God has been hitting me over the head recently with the whole idea of "holiness." I'm not talking about legalism or self-righteousness. I'm talking about walking in the holy identity He has already bestowed upon us as believers. 

“If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all.

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”

— Colossians 3:1-17

In the NIV, the heading for this section of Colossians 3 is "Living as Those Made Alive in Christ." The CSB calls it "The Life of a New Man." That's how I want to live—putting on the new self every single day. I want my life to reflect the identity I have in Christ. I want to live from His victory, rather than for victory of my own.

I pray that we, as a generation of Christians, show what it really looks like to be in Christ. To put away impurity, lust, greed, sexual immorality, anger, wrath, slander, and filthy language. To instead practice compassion, humility, gentleness, patience, love, and forgiveness. I think if we live our lives in a way that reflects our true identity as beloved and precious children of the King, we would change the world.

By Grace Through Faith

PART ONE.

I love this photo. If I had to use only one word to describe it, that word would be peace.

To me, it's the perfect depiction of peace, rest, and total awe at God's creation. The boats are docked for the night, the sun is gently setting, and a storybook pink glow is spreading across the water. 

This picture of peace is what I think of when I think about salvation. When I think about Jesus and calling Him the Lord and Savior of my life, I feel a deep sense of peace. I am assured of my salvation; I know where I’m going when this life ends.

I don’t have assurance because I did X amount of good deeds, read the Bible X minutes a day, or prayed X number of prayers. I don’t have assurance because I've been baptized, because I led X people to Christ, or because I write a blog about God.

Those things don’t save me. 

Those are what the Bible refers to as “works,” and while they can help lead me closer to God and grow in my relationship with Him, they are not the reason I have an eternal hope.

Salvation is not something I earn. It’s something God freely gives to me through faith by His grace.

If you want to look at one text in the Bible to understand this better, look no further than the book of Romans. Over and over again, Paul writes to Rome that the righteousness He has comes by faith in Jesus Christ. Grab a pen and circle how many times in Romans that Paul says “faith” or “by faith.” Paul is sharing the Gospel—that means Good News—with the people of Rome, and he does not mince words. Paul is clear that we all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. 

Think about it; even children lie and manipulate. We all sin, even when we don’t want to. Our sin nature is a direct result of the fall—that time Adam and Eve listened to Satan and ate from the forbidden fruit in the garden of Eden. Sin is innately within us. 

“Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin,in this way death spread to all people, because all sinned. In fact, sin was in the world before the law, but sin is not charged to a person’s account when there is no law. Nevertheless, death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over those who did not sin in the likeness of Adam’s transgression. He is a type of the Coming One.”

— Romans 5:12-14

But wait before you click away, feeling defeated—the story doesn’t stop there. 

Jesus is the One who is perfect, who has no sin within Him. He died the death that we deserve and rose again. He did this so that all might be reconciled to Him. The whole world! His message isn’t for the “good” people or those who seem holy. His message is for every single one of us.

Jesus came for me, while I was (and am) a sinner. While I was still dead in my trespasses, a slave to sin, He saved me. 

“ And you were dead in your trespasses and sins in which you previously lived according to the ways of this world, according to the ruler of the power of the air,the spirit now working in the disobedient. We too all previously lived among them in our fleshly desires, carrying out the inclinations of our flesh and thoughts, and we were by nature children under wrath as the others were also. But God, who is rich in mercy, because of his great love that he had for us, made us alive with Christ even though we were dead in trespasses. You are saved by grace! ”

— Ephesians 2:1-5

Salvation comes from accepting Christ and repenting, a big word that simply means to turn away from. When I repented, I turned away from my sin. I acknowledged that I am a sinner, and I will continue to sin even when I don’t want to. To accept Him, I declared Jesus Christ the Lord and Savior of my life. I invited Him in. I told Him my life is His. 

And by doing that, God’s Word tells me that I am saved. Saved by grace through faith, and this is not of ourselves but it is God’s gift. Not from works so that no one may boast. For we are His creation, created in Christ Jesus for good works that He prepared ahead of time so that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:8-10)

When we accept Christ, we get to fully claim our new identity in Him. The Holy Spirit dwells within us. The old self is gone; the new self remains. Will we still struggle? Of course. Yet we’re no longer slaves to sin. We have a new identity as holy saints, as servants to the King. 

Think about the person you love the most: your spouse, your child, your sister or brother, your best friend. Picture them, and now think of everything you would do for them. You want them to know and feel how deeply you love them. You’d do anything for them.

The way Jesus loves us is like that, except to a greater degree like we can’t even imagine. So when we put our life in His hands, when we’re “saved,” good works are a natural outpouring of the love we have for Him. They’re not what guarantee we’ll one day spend eternity with God. They’re the visible, external fruit of the amazing transformation and hold He has on our hearts.  

“Do you have passion for Jesus Christ? Do you have a love affair for the Word of God?”

My pastor asked us those questions this Sunday. They're questions I have to ask myself on a regular basis. I have to continually ask God that I would become less and He would become more.

So ask yourself, what’s the fruit of my life?

Do you want to spend time with God, in prayer, in His Word, and living a life for Him? That’s what living a “saved” life looks like. It’s not about doing a certain number of good deeds to tip the scales in your favor. If you’re living a life based on deeds and good works, you’ll never be satisfied. You’ll never not be sinful, and you'll never know what's going to happen on the day you laid to rest.

Knowing we are saved doesn't mean we don't do good works or that we live our lives however we want because we're guaranteed to go to heaven. If we're truly a Believer, then we're fully living in our new identity. When we're saved, we can't help but do good works to serve God with every ounce of our being. 

“And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day. ”

— Genesis 1:31

God looked at His creation and declared it to be good. He looked at man and declared him to be very good. Did you catch that? He looks at you and me and says we are very good. He loves us in a way we cannot even comprehend. We are worth Jesus to Him—the only perfect man who ever lived, fully man and fully God. That is how much God loves us.

“But the gift is not like the trespass. For if by the one man’s trespass the many died, how much more have the grace of God and the gift which comes through the grace of the one man Jesus Christ overflowed to the many… So then, as through one trespass there is condemnation for everyone, so also through one righteous act there is justification leading to life for everyone. For just as through one man’s disobedience the many were made sinners, so also through the one man’s obedience the many will be made righteous. The law came along to multiply the trespass. But where sin multiplied, grace multiplied even more so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace will reign through righteousness, resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”

— Romans 5:15, 18-21

When we are Believers, we are no longer under the law but grace. Grace multiplied even more through Christ Jesus.

That is the most freeing, joyful news possible, friends. That should bring us peace that warms us to our very core. We get to have life beyond this one, a life with Jesus in eternity. And when craziness ensues in the world around us, we can be sure of the kingdom that awaits us. You're invited to His table. All you have to do is surrender to Christ. By grace through faith. 

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.

My First Podcast Interview

I was honored to do my very first podcast interview last week for the brand new Long Hollow Stories podcast. This weekly podcast gives a behind-the-scenes look at the life within our church, giving others a chance to hear how God is moving within our midst. 

When my boss talked about starting a podcast this summer, I thought it was an exciting idea. I thought this would be something I'd totally listen to—stories of God working in and through His people. I never once thought I would be on it. But when he approached me last week with an opportunity to share my story—to share specifically about anxiety and eating disorders—I knew I had to say yes. I felt in my heart that God could use this story as a way to show people more of Him. 

I was actually shaking as we sat down to do the interview. I had read over my testimony that morning, and I brought a notecard into the studio with some of my favorite verses on it. Other than that, I didn't do any formal preparation. I prayed. I asked God to give me wisdom and to speak through me. I prayed that His words would be mine. I prayed that He would get the glory through this. And I will keep praying that. To thine be the glory.

I'm still a work in progress. I still struggle, and I still have room for healing. But God is faithful. He reminds me that trials lead to endurance and strengthen our faith. That when I seek Him, He hears me and delivers me from all my fears. That I am His, a new creation, no longer a slave to the old self.

Let me tell you, friends, amazing things can happen when your life is in His hands. 

Click below to listen, and as always, feel free to comment or send me a message to keep this conversation going!

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.