I Want To Make My Name Known

Last week the Forbes 30 Under 30 list came out. I saw all the tweets, Facebook posts, and LinkedIn statuses. I read through the multiple lists (yes, there are more than one), and I made a mental note of all the young women in media, marketing, communications, and tech. The 25-year-old head of marketing at a rising company. The 28-year-old co-creators of a brilliant email newsletter. The 18-year-old founder of a magazine.

They’ve done so much in their short lives. They made the cut. They’ve been recognized and carved into history.

My heart so badly desires what these under-30s have: acknowledgement, approval, achievement, success, influence. They are making an impact, and the world knows about it. Forbes makes sure you’re aware of it:

“From an initial screening list of more than 15,000 of the best of the best, the 600 women and men featured in the Forbes fifth annual 30 Under 30 are America’s most important young entrepreneurs, creative leaders and brightest stars. Name a business sector, social issue or essential institution, they are taking it on and changing the rules of the game– or creating entirely new playbooks.”

In the past, youth was a handicap to professional success. Getting older meant more resources, more knowledge, more money. No more. Those who grew up in the tech age have way bigger ambitions—perfectly suited to the dynamic, entrepreneurial and impatient digital world they grew up in. If you want to change the world, being under 30 is now an advantage.”

I want to change the world and be one of America’s brightest stars, too.

How can I do that?

How am I going to get there?

I’ve got approximately four years left to make the cut…

The wheels start turning. I begin to get a bit anxious. I look at my own life and feel suddenly inadequate. I need to do more, work harder, make moves!

These movers and shakers have made their names known. I want to make my name known.

Maggie Niemiec.

Published author. Blogger. Expert Marketer. Social Media Strategist. Influencer.

I want to see my name in lights—on bookstore shelves and computer screens and Instagram follow lists.

And then it hit me: I wasn’t made to make my name known.

No.

I was made to make His name known.

Jesus.

The son of God who was 30 years old when he started his ministry. He was about 33 years old when he died for our sins, saving all of humanity from death if they simply believe.

Jesus wouldn’t have made the 30-Under-30 list.

He also wouldn’t have wanted to. He lived a life of obedience in order to exalt His Father and bring glory to the kingdom.

“Jesus, who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”

— Philippians 2

I let that truth wash over me. I’m ambitious and driven. I like to set goals and achieve them. I bet if you're reading this right now, you can probably relate. As Millennials, we may be a part of the selfie generation, known for self-absorption and binge-watching. But we’re also a generation who's witnessed 9/11 and an economic recession firsthand—we’re deeply optimistic and we work hard, believing we can achieve whatever we conceive. These qualities are not inherently bad. We should work hard and work well. We should have dreams.

Except for me, my heart bends much too quickly toward the ever-elusive “success” and away from Christ. I give a lot of weight (like, a lot) to my perceived recognition in the world. I didn’t see the extent of my ambition and approval-longing until recently. That Forbes list stirred something deep within me and reminded me, Oh wow this is where my struggles with body image and perfectionism are actually rooted. In being known and successful and admired.

But these things that I desire are never going to fully satisfy. There will always be another rung of the ladder to climb, another accolade to achieve, another way to improve. The definition of success will continue to evolve—I know because it already has. 

What if I started to make his name known instead? 

To acknowledge the names of these 30-Under-30ers, acknowledge my own name and my own goals, and know that ultimately the name Jesus is above them all.

I want to start viewing my life and viewing my dreams in light of what really matters. I’m getting there. I’ve come a long way since college and first moving to New York City. I’ll have to keep admitting to you, dear readers, that my natural inclination is toward my own success and fame. I still want to make an impact with my words. I want to write a best-selling book, give a TED Talk, and speak to young women about my life and my faith. If I’m honest, I still want those things badly. Except they’re not my everything anymore.

I’m learning to release the white-knuckle grip I’ve had on my plans and goals. I’m trying to live in a way that makes Him known. To cultivate humility, meekness, patience, obedience. These aren’t usually the qualities you read in a 30-Under-30 listing. But I think they’re the qualities that lead to something so much better than what the world tells us is worth living for.

In the words of Frances Chan, I don’t want to “stand before a holy God and rob Him of the glory that was rightfully His.”

I’d like to take a step back from my own striving and goal-checking-off. I’d like to practice surrendering a bit more. I’m going to pray for a humble heart and the ability to remember, at the end of the day, it’s not about me at all. Life just isn’t about my success or whether my name sits on a bookshelf. I’m so glad I have sweet friends who remind me of this on a daily basis. 

So I hope this blog—whether it has 1 view or 1 million views—is a light for you. But more than that, I hope when you read my posts, you walk away thinking of Him, not of me.

Some of Your Favorite Posts This Year

Can you believe this blog is less than a year old? The above photo was taken last winter (by my girl Haruka), when this blog was still just a thought and not something I felt I had the time, energy, or talent to really do. Oh how things can change!

I've been so encouraged by everyone who has reached out to me with support, advice, and above all love. I took a leap by starting this website and committing to being truly vulnerable with you. I can tell you it has been so, so worth it. From connecting with fellow writers during a digital writing intensive to meeting with social media friends in NYC coffee shops, I've been able to share more of my heart this year than any other year yet. And you've shared right back! You've given me bigger hopes and dreams, and I am excited to see what God has in store for each of us in 2016.

In the meantime, catch up on some of my most read posts of 2015 below. Feel free to send me a note if you want to chat. Cheers to 2016! 

Finding Purpose in the Wait

We are all always waiting for something. Waiting for a new job, waiting for a relationship, waiting for health and healing. I'm beginning to see that waiting is an act of utmost faith. 

Meaghan's Story: Famous In His Eyes

My sweet friend Meaghan guest-blogged back in August, opening up her heart and sharing a whole lotta truth bombs. For more of what she's up to, be sure to check out her blog and her Instagram.

But Who Are You?

If someone asked, "Who are you?" what would you say? Answering that question was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Let's set aside the many titles, accomplishments, and possessions we carry and focus on our identity at the core. 

Elise's Story: Strength Through Him

Elise was the first person to reach out to me about sharing her story for my site. She and I talked for hours about her battle with lyme disease and how she's finding true joy in Christ alone. When you're done reading, head to her blog for even more.

The Reason for the Season

The holidays and the new year can be really hard for some of us. I have totally been there! But there's a reason we can have great hope instead.

A Word For 2016

I’m not really into new year’s resolutions. I usually hear resolutions like “lose 10 pounds” or “run a marathon” or “cut out dessert”—you get the gist. For a lot of people, making resolutions such as those is super helpful, motivating, and inspiring. But for me, a recovering perfectionist (yes, that’s a thing), it's harmful. It can set be down the path of striving and pushing myself in a way that becomes detrimental. I have the personality where when I set my mind to something, I achieve it. I am my own harshest critic. 

At the same time, I believe change is one of the most beautiful parts of life. Setting goals and dreaming big are two beautiful ways we can live our lives to the fullest. I hope to be continually growing and changing throughout the year. Transforming into a better person, not because of a new year's resolution but because of God's grace in molding me into His image. 

So instead I’ve adopted a new way to take on the new year: with a word or phrase that I’m holding close as I live out the coming 12 months.

I’ve thought about a number of words that could fit.

Courage. 

Strength.

Peace.

Freedom.

This one seems to have stuck. With word after word floating around, this is the one I come back to. Freedom. Freedom to make mistakes. Freedom to be vulnerable. Freedom from the slavery of depression, anxiety, worry, comparison, addiction. Freedom from judgment. Freedom from fear. Freedom to write on this blog and share my story as it unfolds. Freedom to be myself. Freedom to be who God created me to be. Freedom to have ups and downs and know God is still good.  

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom.”

— 2 Corinthians 3:17

I'm continuing to be set free from the idols I've held too close, the things I've let control me. That freedom has come after a lot of struggle. As I look back on 2015, I see how much change I've experienced. I moved apartments and neighborhoods. I gained two new roommates. I attended a new church congregation and joined a new community group. I was baptized and gave my testimony in front of more than a hundred people. I started a new job in a new industry. I closed the chapter on a relationship and felt the pain of a broken heart. I met someone new and began to heal—and when that season ended, I was able to stand firm by myself, just as I am.

I struggled, and I hurt. Yet I learned how to hope again. I grew more this year than I ever thought possible. I saw that I could suffer—and still be free. God is at work in all the mess. Truly, greater things are at stake. I get to be free from the expectations and desires I have because there's so much more to life than what happens here on earth. This life is fleeting; knowing that sets everything into perspective. It frees me up to be exactly who I am, in this very moment. 

A current of freedom has made waves in my life these past few years. I didn't notice it in the moment, but I see it so clearly as I look back on my old journals. Last night I opened up my journal from 2012. I had recently graduated college, took an internship in a tiny Pennsylvania town, and then I packed up my whole life in a rusty black 2001 Ford Taurus to relocate to New York City. I was chasing my dreams and working so hard to make them come true. On the surface, everything was exactly how I envisioned it should be. I had everything I thought I ever wanted. But deep down, I was lost. Living for things that would never really satisfy. Idolizing success, status, my body, my relationships. 

I didn't realize how I was living my life until now that I can look back on it, and I see I've been freed from my past. Reading the words from 2012, 2013, and 2014 sound like a different person. I’ve been freed from the yokes of perfection and performance. Those old journals tell such a different story than today’s does. And it's a continual process, happening day after day, year after year. So please hear me: I still wrestle with perfection and performance. I still desire approval and affirmation. I still want to control the path of my life.

But when I see how much God has moved and shaken my life in the last three years, I get excited. If He can do all that He has done in such sweet and unexpected ways during this time, I cannot wait to see all He will do in the next three years. I have freedom to not plan everything or have it all figured out.

I have freedom to trust Him, even when it is hard.

That's the sentiment I want to carry with me into the new year. I hope true freedom will permeate my life in 2016—freedom to know I am right where I am supposed to be.

The Reason For The Season

I’ve been wanting to write this post for a while, yet I haven’t been able to make my words stick. I type… and then I backspace. Writing about this makes me uncomfortable. In fact, I’ve been procrastinating like no other. I have about 10 tabs open on my computer right now so I can keep clicking off my page, distracting myself, and leaving this article behind. I’ve scrapped multiple version of this post already. But I think the piece I’m about to write is so important to put out there, which is why I’m giving you my unfiltered words straight from the heart.

Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s are supposed to be times of celebration and cheer. Except for many of us, the holidays bring up sadness, loneliness, brokenness.

A season that is meant to be merry and bright can feel so far from it.

We’re reminded of family members and friends who we have lost. We’re reminded of how much everything has changed since we’ve grown up, and not always for the better. We’re reminded of the utter imperfection of our lives as we attempt to buy the perfect gifts, to cook the perfect meals, to host the perfect parties, to score the perfect invites, to wear the perfect outfits. We’re faced with a whole lot of mess.

For years, I had an especially hard time around the holiday season. As someone who’s struggled with an eating disorder, being confronted with party after party and feast after feast proved challenging. Think about it: Most celebrations revolve around food in some way. Once I went through recovery, I wanted to make sure family and friends saw that I was doing well and that I could take good care of myself. I would put an inordinate amount of pressure on myself to minimize any sort of scrutiny around my health and my body. That meant eating the right things and wearing the right clothes. I couldn't bear the thought of others gossiping about me or questioning my choices. I couldn't look too thin, or eat too little. At the same time, I would battle the faulty idea in my head that I needed to enjoy everything in moderation and not go overboard just because it’s the holiday season.

That cycle was straight-up exhausting.

It’s not just food that made the holidays tough for me. It was seeing and thinking about the past. Coming home meant thinking about the friendships that have faded and even completely dissolved. It meant driving past the houses of the girls I’d known since age five—the same girls whose falling out with took me literally years to heal from. Coming home served as a stark memory of the person I once was. Home is where I got sick. Home is where life fell apart. Home is where everything changed.

And so for years, I stayed isolated and, even though I loved the idea of Christmas and all it stood for, I felt this nagging sadness around it all.

You may not face the same struggles and sins that I do, but chances are some part of you can relate to what I’m talking about. Maybe you lost your mom and Christmas isn’t the same without her. Maybe you come from a family of divorce. Maybe you face depression or anxiety. Maybe you deal with infertility, and you can’t seem to escape everyone’s babies and pregnancy announcements this time of year. Or maybe you’re just tired of being the only single one at your holiday parties and wondering when it’s going to happen for you. We can easily forget the reason this season is meant to be merry and bright at all. 

It doesn't help that the whole world seems to be on go-go-go mode. November hits, and life suddenly feels like a whirlwind. There are happy hours and holiday parties and cookies exchanges. There's shopping, plus cleaning and cooking and traveling. The calendar fills up with event after event. The to-do list grows longer and longer. Every minute feels precious. 

We want to give great gifts, ones that don't need a gift receipt because there's no way they are getting returned. We want to score invites to the best events. We want to tell people our calendars are booked and wear busyness as a badge of honor. We want to present ourselves in the best light possible because, darn it, cousin Jane needs to know that I am successful and happy and have the greatest life ever!

Before we know it, January is here, the Christmas tree has come down, and the past two and half months flew by without much thought or concern. In the end, the hustle leaves us feeling empty and lonely. It doesn’t bring joy at all. 

But, praise God, the holidays don’t have to feel this way.

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and of peace there will be no end, on the throne of David and over his kingdom, to establish it and to uphold it with justice and with righteousness from this time forth and forevermore. The zeal of the Lord of hosts will do this.”

— Isaiah 9:6-7

It’s taken me a quarter of a century to figure that out. I can finally let out a deep breath at Christmastime. The season feels different to me now. Christmas signifies hope. It means thinking about the girl I used to be and knowing I am someone else now. I have been made anew. I can come back home and think about the girl I once was and know that Jesus has redeemed her. I can drive past the houses of my former best friends and think of the good memories we had together, rather than the hurts and mistakes. I can eat extra Christmas cookies and pie and thank the Lord that I don’t pretend to not want them anymore. Home is where my heart is. I spend time with my family. I sleep in the same twin bed in the same house where I grew up, and I come downstairs on Christmas morning to the same tree I have always loved.

The past doesn’t get to haunt me anymore. My imperfections are part of what make me me. I am offered an undercurrent of joy, and all I have to do is latch onto it. Whatever we face in this season, we are given hope and peace. Our Savior is born! He's come down as a man on this earth to walk among us, to struggle with us, to face the same temptations that we do. Jesus is not just some figurehead. He is God and man, and He gets it. He's born so that one day He can die for us and bring us salvation. If that’s not cause for celebration, then I don’t know what is. 

Christ's birth brings true joy into the world.

It's an overflowing kind of joy that won't ever result from a packed social calendar or expensive presents or fun vacations. It's a joy that's available no matter what else changes in our lives. If the holidays are tough for you, it's okay. As my best friend likes to say, it's okay to not be okay. Because you know what? God still accepts us, still redeems us, and still brings everlasting peace, joy, hope, and love. Remember that, and I know the holidays will feel different for you, too. He is the reason for the season. To that, I say amen.