On Motherhood

I thought I was becoming a stay-at-home mom to help my kids. But really, God was leading me into stay-at-home motherhood to help me.

Charles and I got married in June of 2018. (You can read more about our dating here, and how I knew he was my future husband here.) Come August of that year, still fresh from our honeymoon in Snowmass, Colorado, we had moved into our new apartment in Nashville, he started a new job, and – I remember the day like it was yesterday – we found out I was expecting. Cue mic drop.  

We were excited and, of course, a bit nervous, too. As my belly began to grow, I felt like I would want to quit my job outside the home to work as a mom.

Once I held my baby boy, I knew I wanted to stop working at my corporate job to be his primary caretaker. I had prayed about this decision. My husband and I both had. I truly felt called to this new role. 

What do I mean by feeling called? Well, Merriam-Webster puts it this way:

call·​ing (n): a strong inner impulse toward a particular course of action, especially when accompanied by conviction of divine influence

I felt convicted by divine influence. God made it clear what I should do, and He united Charles and I in that. That has been super important because it’s allowed me to stay the course when things are hard. Because even though I made this choice, I still have hard days. I still have times when the kids aren’t listening to me (they’re six, three, and one, after all) when I remember my old work, my paycheck. I think that’s very normal. I used to have frustrations in my 9-to-5 job, too. 

Yet I feel confident this is the right spot for me, even if only for a season. I have one child in school now, and things might look different when all three are in school. Like we strive to do with each part of our lives, we are taking it one day, one step at a time, trying to be faithful to Jesus and surrender it to Him. We trust He will continue to make our steps clear. 

I’m a working mother but I do not get paid. I do not work outside the home. That said, I don’t usually use the term “stay-at-home mom” because I like to be out of the home whenever possible. I’m in car drop-off and pickup lines, in grocery stores, at the library, at the park, taking my kids to the museum or the zoo or a local trail, I’m at church, I’m meeting up with friends and having playdates, I’m at the pool or splash pad, going to appointments, volunteering at school events. You get the picture. 

At one point, I would instead say I’m a “full-time mom,” but I’ve recently learned that term is a divisive one. So when someone asks what I do? I tell them plainly, I am a mom. And after six years of this role, I finally feel at peace with that. I don’t need to justify my job by saying “Well, I used to be a writer and work in communications.” Or “I sometimes freelance.” Or even, “I’m very busy with XYZ at church.” 

In my pride, I would want to tell people about the job I once had, the cool things I’ve done in my career, and the education I received before I became a mom. I thought that was important. I thought I was giving up everything I worked so hard for when I decided to work as a mom. Sure, I have given things up. I have sacrificed. But each sacrifice has been worth it. It’s shown me more of who God is and how He’s made the ultimate sacrifice for me. 

My perspective has completely shifted on this because in reality, I was – and am – becoming more of who God created me to be. A daughter of the King, with my identity firmly in Him, not in anything I do and not in how successful I believe I am as a mother. My identity is secure. 

He’s the one writing my story, ordaining each chapter along the way. I’m not “throwing away” the life I used to have or the achievements I once valued so much. I’m simply attempting to set aside my earthly treasures for a life in His Kingdom, done His way, instead.

You see, I thought I was becoming a stay-at-home mom to help my kids. But really, God was leading me into stay-at-home motherhood to help me.

He’s used motherhood to reveal my anger, impatience, fear, anxiety, desire for approval, and desire for control. And no, I don’t think I’m being too hard on myself here. Rather, I recognize that I’m a sinner, and my sin is what sent Christ to the cross. I can do nothing apart from Him. Nothing. I cannot fix myself or force myself to be a “better person.” Jesus, and Jesus alone, through the cross and resurrection, can change me. 

He rose again, defeated death and the grave, and he now offers me life forever with Him – and new life here on this earth! That’s what we call the Gospel, the Good News. Jesus made a way back to God on my behalf. As a broken human, I couldn’t do it on my own. As the perfect God-man, Jesus could (and did). 

I used to think about this more in terms of having my eternal home with God in heaven one day. Being a part of His kingdom. When we confess Him as Lord and Savior, He guarantees this. (Romans 10:9) We don’t have to do certain works for it. Aren’t you glad of that? 

But He’s also bringing His kingdom here, now. We get to be a part of it! 

He is changing me every day. He is refining me and showing me how to die to myself. This is a continual process. Some days I feel His presence and His power more than others, and some days I quite frankly just feel my mess. Yet, He who has promised is faithful. He already knew all my mess when he went to the cross. It’s the reason He came. 

I’ve had people say to me things like, Oh I could never have three kids like you because I’m too controlling/anxious/overwhelmed. 

I gently respond: Same, girl! 

“His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.”

— 2 Peter 1:3

I’m too controlling, anxiety-prone, and easily overwhelmed to have any kids at all. The only reason I can and do is by the grace of God. He gives me the strength I need while chipping away at my defects of character slowly but surely.

And I have to keep giving it over to Him. God can do anything. Nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37). He asks me to get up and walk, too. So, I’ve been through a lot of counseling and am a big proponent of it. I’m actively involved in Celebrate Recovery and am currently working through the eight principles of recovery with my accountability partners. I’ve also just started going through The Emotionally Healthy Woman study with a group of women from church. I firmly believe we can all benefit from counseling and recovery work. God can do miracles, and He invites us to be a participant in them. 

I just want to keep living for Him and His purpose, shedding the worries of this world, releasing expectations, and letting Him do what He wants to do. I feel more free now than I think I ever have. As John 8:36 says, “Who the Son sets free is free indeed.”

While I get to impact my kids each day through my time at home with them, I think what’s happening even more is that God is impacting me. I thought I was going to change them – yet God knew all along He was going to change me. 

❤️

Sometimes Life Looks Different Than You Expect (Plus, a Major Life Update)

We took this photo on the top of Independence Pass last June, during our honeymoon trip to Colorado. Charles and I were blissfully happy (I mean, hello, it’s our honeymoon), and married life seemed to be going exactly as we hoped and planned. Little did we know what was to come when we returned to Tennessee.

Charles accepted a job working nights—we were thrilled for the opportunity for him, despite our different schedules. We certainly made the best decision at the time for the two of us. We moved into a new place in the city of Nashville, and shortly thereafter we found out we were expecting. Everything felt exciting and wonderful.

What we didn’t expect was how difficult the next 16 months would be. His night shift job became more and more demanding, with some weeks topping out at 80 hours. Sunday to Thursday, we passed each other like ships in the night, and our weekends were reduced to a few exhausted hours together. We struggled to make friends or community within our church, and we were unable to join the groups or classes that we desired to because of our schedule. Holidays and vacation time were almost nonexistent.

We knew we were still blessed in countless ways. Both in good health, with jobs, an apartment, and plenty of food to eat. Plus a baby on the way! We tried to focus on all the gifts in our life, rather than dwell on the negatives.

Yet the truth is that we were processing through our own version of suffering. We were learning what life looked like when it didn’t go according to plan. You know: When you think you’re driving on a straightaway with the windows down, the sun shining, and no other cars around, and instead you’re stuck in a traffic jam on a stormy day, facing flat tires and engine problems and detour after detour with no end in sight.

And then once our son was born, I felt incredibly joyful—I think God revealed His true purpose for me in motherhood—but also more overwhelmed than I admitted at the time. My hormones were up and down. I was exhausted physically and mentally. I worried about my son all the time. In fact, I didn’t sleep at all the first night home from the hospital out of fear something might happen to him. I wasn’t exactly depressed, but I was definitely dealing with baby blues.

Charles and I both knew something had to change. He’d been searching for jobs since before the baby was born. We kept praying and praying and praying God would change our situation.

The months went on, and I continued processing. I wrestled with what it meant to be a stay-at-home mom, when my identity had been wrapped up in career and achievements my whole life. I felt lonelier that I had in a long time, and I didn’t quite know how to express that to people. I just wanted them to be there for me. Then there was the anger. Oh, the anger. I’ve never really been an angry person, but suddenly I was mad, a lot. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I was mad at God.

Lord, why is this our situation? Why does everything have to feel so hard?

And Charles was going through a lot of his own processing, too. Sleep deprivation will do a number on you—not to mention, he rarely saw the light of day, or anything, really, outside the four walls of his workplace.

But God has taught us more through this season than we anticipated. He’s shown us that He is always faithful, always loving, and always good. We’ve pressed into Him when we didn’t know what else to do. We’ve cried out to Him with literal tears and shouts. He’s grown our faith in areas we didn’t know we needed, and He’s reminded us that He is forever after His glory.

I’ve learned I’m not the only one who’s faced difficult situations. I have friends whose husbands work equally long hours, friends whose husbands travel all week, and friends whose husbands have been deployed in the Middle East. I have friends who are longing for a husband or a child and are probably reading this thinking I shouldn’t complain. (They’re right.) I have friends who’ve struggled with infertility or miscarriage. Friends who are walking through depression, anxiety, and grief. Friends with cancer diagnoses. Autoimmune disease. Addiction. The list goes on.

I’ve learned there are people all around us and all over the world who are struggling. Everyone is going through something. We have no idea what people might be experiencing, and we all owe each other a bit of grace and the love of Christ.

Through all of this, I now have a greater understanding that sometimes God allows His people to suffer to bring us closer to Him.

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we areyet he did not sin.”

— Hebrews 4:15

He wants our whole hearts and our dependence on Him. He wants our ultimate good and His glory. Through suffering, we see that He is God, and we are not. He is in control. Our suffering allows us to empathize with others. It makes us more like Him. When we are suffering, we are reminded of what Christ went through on the Cross for us. We have a great high priest who was tempted in every way, who suffered more than we ever will so that we can have eternal life. We can trust Him in all situations.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

— Psalm 139:13-14

If you take anything away from this blog post, please let it be that. You are not alone in whatever you’re walking through. You have a Savior who knows you and who knit you together in your mother’s womb. He created you with great purpose. Jesus really does love you, and He wants a real relationship with You.

Will you trust Him?

Trusting in God is the only thing that got us through these past months. I honestly don’t know how our marriage would have survived without our shared foundation of faith in Christ. I know there will be trials in the future, too, but I can say with confidence that God will be with us in them.

And so, after many tears, much prayer, and now wonderful thanksgiving, we can confidently say God has brought us into a new season.

He’s given Charles a new job, and our family is about to get a fresh start. We are moving to Denver, Colorado!

The photo at the top of this blog post has been the background on our computer since our honeymoon. It’s a picture that makes us happy every time we look at it and gave us hope that things would turn around again. We had no idea that God would actually send us out west, to the same state that photo was taken.

We are so excited to begin this new chapter in Colorado. We cannot praise God enough. Thank you for all your prayers and encouragement along the way.

Now onto the Rocky Mountain State!

I Want To Make My Name Known

Last week the Forbes 30 Under 30 list came out. I saw all the tweets, Facebook posts, and LinkedIn statuses. I read through the multiple lists (yes, there are more than one), and I made a mental note of all the young women in media, marketing, communications, and tech. The 25-year-old head of marketing at a rising company. The 28-year-old co-creators of a brilliant email newsletter. The 18-year-old founder of a magazine.

They’ve done so much in their short lives. They made the cut. They’ve been recognized and carved into history.

My heart so badly desires what these under-30s have: acknowledgement, approval, achievement, success, influence. They are making an impact, and the world knows about it. Forbes makes sure you’re aware of it:

“From an initial screening list of more than 15,000 of the best of the best, the 600 women and men featured in the Forbes fifth annual 30 Under 30 are America’s most important young entrepreneurs, creative leaders and brightest stars. Name a business sector, social issue or essential institution, they are taking it on and changing the rules of the game– or creating entirely new playbooks.”

In the past, youth was a handicap to professional success. Getting older meant more resources, more knowledge, more money. No more. Those who grew up in the tech age have way bigger ambitions—perfectly suited to the dynamic, entrepreneurial and impatient digital world they grew up in. If you want to change the world, being under 30 is now an advantage.”

I want to change the world and be one of America’s brightest stars, too.

How can I do that?

How am I going to get there?

I’ve got approximately four years left to make the cut…

The wheels start turning. I begin to get a bit anxious. I look at my own life and feel suddenly inadequate. I need to do more, work harder, make moves!

These movers and shakers have made their names known. I want to make my name known.

Maggie Niemiec.

Published author. Blogger. Expert Marketer. Social Media Strategist. Influencer.

I want to see my name in lights—on bookstore shelves and computer screens and Instagram follow lists.

And then it hit me: I wasn’t made to make my name known.

No.

I was made to make His name known.

Jesus.

The son of God who was 30 years old when he started his ministry. He was about 33 years old when he died for our sins, saving all of humanity from death if they simply believe.

Jesus wouldn’t have made the 30-Under-30 list.

He also wouldn’t have wanted to. He lived a life of obedience in order to exalt His Father and bring glory to the kingdom.

“Jesus, who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”

— Philippians 2

I let that truth wash over me. I’m ambitious and driven. I like to set goals and achieve them. I bet if you're reading this right now, you can probably relate. As Millennials, we may be a part of the selfie generation, known for self-absorption and binge-watching. But we’re also a generation who's witnessed 9/11 and an economic recession firsthand—we’re deeply optimistic and we work hard, believing we can achieve whatever we conceive. These qualities are not inherently bad. We should work hard and work well. We should have dreams.

Except for me, my heart bends much too quickly toward the ever-elusive “success” and away from Christ. I give a lot of weight (like, a lot) to my perceived recognition in the world. I didn’t see the extent of my ambition and approval-longing until recently. That Forbes list stirred something deep within me and reminded me, Oh wow this is where my struggles with body image and perfectionism are actually rooted. In being known and successful and admired.

But these things that I desire are never going to fully satisfy. There will always be another rung of the ladder to climb, another accolade to achieve, another way to improve. The definition of success will continue to evolve—I know because it already has. 

What if I started to make his name known instead? 

To acknowledge the names of these 30-Under-30ers, acknowledge my own name and my own goals, and know that ultimately the name Jesus is above them all.

I want to start viewing my life and viewing my dreams in light of what really matters. I’m getting there. I’ve come a long way since college and first moving to New York City. I’ll have to keep admitting to you, dear readers, that my natural inclination is toward my own success and fame. I still want to make an impact with my words. I want to write a best-selling book, give a TED Talk, and speak to young women about my life and my faith. If I’m honest, I still want those things badly. Except they’re not my everything anymore.

I’m learning to release the white-knuckle grip I’ve had on my plans and goals. I’m trying to live in a way that makes Him known. To cultivate humility, meekness, patience, obedience. These aren’t usually the qualities you read in a 30-Under-30 listing. But I think they’re the qualities that lead to something so much better than what the world tells us is worth living for.

In the words of Frances Chan, I don’t want to “stand before a holy God and rob Him of the glory that was rightfully His.”

I’d like to take a step back from my own striving and goal-checking-off. I’d like to practice surrendering a bit more. I’m going to pray for a humble heart and the ability to remember, at the end of the day, it’s not about me at all. Life just isn’t about my success or whether my name sits on a bookshelf. I’m so glad I have sweet friends who remind me of this on a daily basis. 

So I hope this blog—whether it has 1 view or 1 million views—is a light for you. But more than that, I hope when you read my posts, you walk away thinking of Him, not of me.