How God Opened My Eyes to Dating His Way

I really didn’t date until after college. The little bit of dating I did during college consisted of meeting men at bars and seeing them once, or maybe inviting a guy from my writing class as my date to a sorority party. Dating wasn’t a priority for me, and honestly, I was fearful to date given my lack of experience.

Post-college, I was suddenly much more interested in the dating scene. I said NBD to any fear around dating and my lack of experience. I began to flirt, I began to date, and date quite a bit. Truth be told, I liked it. I liked the attention from men. I liked living the way I saw in magazines and on TV. I bought into the idea that “the one” would complete me, and I spent a lot of time and energy trying to ready myself for the perfect man.

When I did find myself in my first committed relationship in 2013, I let the world dictate that, too. I made the relationship my everything. I made him my everything. As you can imagine, that relationship grew sour. The sweet exterior faded until a painful, toxic root remained. Friends pointed this out to me on more than one occasion, and as the breakup hit, it became so clear to me that they were right. The relationship was past the point of healthy. Being in a relationship simply for the sake of having someone isn’t worth the cost. We broke up, and God protected me greatly in that.

Throughout 2013 and 2014, God was working, refining, pruning, and pulling me closer to Him.

My eyes were opened like never before. I saw where I had veered (way) off course, and I started to see the beauty of God’s way. He had a better way for my relationships all along; I had simply been too blind to see it.

I announced my faith publicly through baptism in early 2015. Things in my life began to click. It was as though a weight was lifted off. I knew from that point on that my relationship with men would be different. My approach to dating forever changed. My understanding of marriage and “the one” was turned right side up.

“So God created man in His image. In the image of God, He created them. Male and female, He created them. God blessed them, and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it.’”

— Genesis 1:27-28a

God created man and woman in His image, to be fruitful and multiply. God set this way from the beginning of time!

For most of my life, I didn’t get that. I didn’t understand His beautiful design. I did what I wanted. It took years of struggling, of loneliness, and of heartbreak to realize there is a better way for relationships and dating. As I read more and more about God’s way, the scales began to fall off.

The book of Ephesians rocked my world. Relationships are not about ourselves. Marriage is not about me finding ultimate happiness and fulfillment. It’s not about my Prince Charming saving the day. It’s about sacrifice. Marriage is holy. Marriage is loving someone in spite of them—and in spite of yourself. Dating is an earlier degree of that.

No small request, right? But that’s love in light of eternity. That’s the glory we can partake in here on earth. That’s the way God will bless.

After my first breakup, I decided to pray for my love life.

I found a specific prayer online that I wrote down in my journal and prayed in earnest for a long time.

I prayed:

That God would give me a relationship (Matthew 7:7)

That He would grant me patience and insight to wait for a good one (Isaiah 40:31)

That He would be working out anything unhealthy in my life (Jeremiah 33:8)

That He would shape my heart for nourishing interactions with others (Colossians 3:12-14)

That He would bring healing into my past so I’m free to embrace the present (Philippians 3:13-14)

That He would protect my emotional world and give me wisdom of how to set healthy boundaries (Proverbs 4:23)

That He would open my eyes to the joys of doing sex His way (Hebrews 13:4)

That God would be the focus of my life now and forever (Psalm 37:4)

I prayed this and even thought I met someone a month or two later who was an answer to that prayer. He was not, and that was okay. Life moved on. I found myself investing more in Christ, in the one who was now my primary love. I learned to enjoy and appreciate my singleness as a gift. I couldn’t be tempted or distracted by others; my focus was finally on Him.

Still, I prayed that prayer, and I prayed the Lord would inject continual peace and contentment into my status as a single woman. I prayed He wouldn’t give me what I wanted but give me His best. (Yes, that same prayer over my career worked pretty well on my love life, too.) I stopped dating for a bit. I stopped planning. I stopped comparing and asking everyone, “How old were you when you got married?” I stopped looking at my ex on social media. I stopped doing things that weren’t what I desired and weren’t what would bring me closer to Christ. I let go and let God.

Yes, I desired a boyfriend during this time. I wanted to know if marriage was in the cards for me. I hoped and longed for someone special, a partner in ministry, a man to love me boldly and like Christ. This is a good desire! I asked God to take the desire away if He wanted me to be single instead and to live missionally, singularly focused on Him, like Paul suggests we all do in 1 Corinthians 7.

“Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches.”

— 1 Corinthians 7:28

So that’s what I did: live the life God has called me to.

God wasn’t done with me, or my love life, quite yet. He had a few surprises in store in 2015 and 2016. He opened my eyes to doing a relationship His way, to doing sex His way, to living focused on Him above all else—not as an afterthought. And God brought someone into my life who helped me see the beautiful design He has for our relationships. That design is not impossible or irrelevant but transcends all ages and eras. That design is as real for us today as it was for the early church thousands of years ago.

Dating like I used to date does not even compare to the joy I’ve experienced in dating His way. It’s like I went from having fat-free Splenda-sweetened ice cream to having creamy Italian gelato with hot fudge and a cherry on top. I mean, hello. No comparison.

Dating is a special and unique season, and I’m thankful for how God has used this time to make me more like Him. As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. I now actually enjoy looking back on the heartache and pain I once experienced because I can see God’s hand over it all. It’s been a sweet, sweet journey, and I look forward to what’s next. Thank you, Jesus.

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.

Our Biggest Untapped Resource

What if I told you that I know of a place where you could find answers to your questions? You could receive encouragement for your struggles? You could find empowerment and equipping and hope for the days ahead?

Now what if I told you that place already exists.

Right here, right now.

It’s called the Bible. It’s the living, breathing, divine word of God, and we can look to it literally any time we want.

The problem is that we don’t. I believe the Bible is truly our biggest untapped resource. We have this book that has been translated and passed down for thousands of years. Men were killed just so we could read the Bible in English. And now we can download it on our phones and computers in any language and any translation we want.

That is a miracle.

“The problem is not that we don’t have access to the Bible. It’s that we don’t access it.”

My pastor delivered those words during church this Sunday, and he is spot-on.

A great example is my own life. I’ve always had the Bible around. I grew up with bibles in my home. I was given different versions of bibles and devotionals over the years: My Personal Promise Bible, Jesus Calling, The Secret Power of Speaking God’s Word. I’d also read my fair share of Christian books and books that referenced the Bible. I liked to pick and choose verses, but I didn’t understand the full context. I didn’t have the full story.

When I went through a breakup, I read a million blog posts about it. When I felt lonely in the midst of singleness and friends moving away, I asked my girlfriends for encouragement. When I wanted to change jobs, I sought out books and Christian career experts.

But I had the best resource of all sitting in front of me untapped the whole time. These other things are not bad, but in light of the Bible, they simply cannot compare. They’re meant to be supplements to the one book that truly gives life—and we aren’t going to experience life without the Bible no matter how many books, podcasts, or blog posts we seek out.

The last year or two marks the first time I really began to read the Bible itself. I’ve almost read the full Bible, and my eyes have finally been opened to how important time in the Word really is.

Don’t let the Bible intimidate you or overwhelm you. This is the living and active word of God. It was made to be opened by you.

“All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that he man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. ”

— 2 Timothy 3:16-17

If you don’t know where to start, take it one step at a time. Try a plan like the F260 or She Reads Truth but don’t feel pressure to read the entire Bible in a year. While doing so is completely possible, trust me when I say it is so much better to read for understanding and application. Don’t try to race through it. Reading the Bible is something to be relished and enjoyed, not simply checked off a to-do list.

I used to treat it like a task, and honestly, I didn’t get much out of it. So take your time.

As John Piper says, “You are launching on a lifetime of Bible reading, on a lifetime of engaging with God in the Bible.”

Give yourself 20 minutes today to read. Even if you feel distracted or your mind drifts, God will use that time. He’s called you into a relationship with Him. Reading His word will help you get to know Him and talk to Him. It will change your life.

And when you’re ready, start memorizing Scripture. Arm yourself with His words to fight sin and temptation. Put on the full armor of God by knowing what He says about who you are and who He calls you to be!

“This is why you must take up the full armor of God, so that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having prepared everything, to take your stand. Stand, therefore, with truth like a belt around your waist, righteousness like armor on your chest, and your feet sandaled with readiness for the gospel of peace. In every situation take the shield of faith, and with it you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is God’s word. ”

— Ephesians 6:12-17

God’s word is the sword of the Spirit, protecting us against any spiritual battle we fight. The more I think about that, the more amazed I am. I have the greatest weapon available to me at all times. You do, too, my friend. Wield it.

I’m new to the Scripture memory journey, but, my goodness, there is something so powerful about being able to know and speak truth when you’re feeling stuck or in the midst of a struggle. It’s equally as helpful when you’re experiencing blessings and gratitude, too. Yet another super awesome part about the Bible: It applies to all seasons of life in all places, at all times. The narrative remains the same.

I could talk all day about how much reading the Bible will impact your life. You don't need me to hear me talk about it, though. You need to read and experience it yourself.

So, go.

Dust off that Bible on the shelf.

Download the app.

Get started. Dig in and devour.

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.

A Word for 2017

New Year’s Resolutions.

That phrase seriously makes me cringe. When I hear it, I usually think of health or fitness-related goals that end up tossed to the wayside by March. I also think of the years I spent setting goals and pursuing them in search of perfection, rather than trusting The Lord or letting His will be done.

So last year I settled on a new tactic. Rather than set goals to somehow better myself, I adopted a different way to take on the new year. I chose a word that I held close and prayed about for twelve months.

That word was freedom.

I wrote about having freedom to not have my life completely figured out:

“... when I see how much God has moved and shaken my life in the last three years, I get excited. If He can do all that He has done in such sweet and unexpected ways during this time, I cannot wait to see all He will do in the next three years. I have freedom to not plan everything or have it all figured out.

I have freedom to trust Him, even when it is hard.

That's the sentiment I want to carry with me into the new year. I hope true freedom will permeate my life in 2016—freedom to know I am right where I am supposed to be.”

Well God totally showed up.

I think, in so many ways, freedom did permeate my life in 2016. I felt free from things I’d previously been enslaved to—free from the yokes of perfection and approval. Free from my own control. In 2017, I’ll continue to pray for freedom and restoration. I can now truthfully say full freedom rests in Him alone.

Praying and thinking about freedom as much as I did helped bring it to light in my life.

A move to Nashville! A communications and ministry job! A relationship founded in Christ! The words we use to make requests to God have power. And that’s why I’ve spent the past week journaling about my word for 2017.

To help me do so, I’ve been following along with Lara Casey’s goal-setting series on her blog. Girlfriend is amazing. I recently discovered her blog and ministry, and I am so very encouraged by the way she lives out her faith through her work. It turns out she, too, believes in picking a word for the year ahead. She talks a lot about living on purpose rather than chasing perfect. That idea could not resonate more with me.

Armed with Lara's advice, I’ve looked at the challenges from this past year, as well as the blessings and the lessons I’ve learned. Where do I hope to be in the year ahead? How do I want to grow? What do I need to say yes to—and what to do I need to say no to?

Lara suggests looking for themes in the midst of all this journaling. Jot down some possible words of the year and take time to pray about the word God has actually laid on your heart.

I did just that, and I kept seeing themes of growth and depth. Nature was a common thread. Stillness, quiet, and peacefulness were all on the page.

Yet none of those words seemed quite right. I knew God would impress the right word upon my heart.

It only took a few days. I wrote down a few prayers earlier this week, and the word flowed out.

“God, I pray for depth this year. Fewer commitments, fewer things, and greater focus on you. Help me to grow deep rather than wide. You will guide me. I pray I listen and obey. Strengthen my relationship because we’re both going deeper with you. Help me to do good work at my job and on my blog because I am growing deeper in you. Let all I do be an outpouring of that depth; let it continually point back to you. I pray for deeper health, healing, courage, and freedom. Let the roots grow deep, Lord.

Rooted in you, watered daily with Scripture and prayer so that I may grow and blossom. Rooted in you, Father.”

Rooted.

That’s my word. My goal and focus for 2017. I want all that I do to be rooted in Him.

A seed is planted, and its roots slowly settle in. With water, sunlight, and proper care, the roots will grow deep. The seed will spring up into a plant and grow stronger, blossoming and flourishing in the way it was created to be all along.

Like a plant, when we’re rooted in Christ and live for Him, we, too, will grow stronger and flourish into who He has designed us to be.

“Therefore, as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, walk in Him, rooted and built up in Him and established in faith, just as you were taught, overflowing with gratitude.”

— Colossians 2:6-7

My biggest desire for this year ahead is to stand firmly rooted in Him and to walk with Him. Growing deeply in Jesus is the first step; everything else follows suit. We can hope and dream, trusting that our Father is in control, leading us no matter what, and working all things for our ultimate good. We are blessed to live from victory of Christ rather than live for victory of our own.

As I went back to work this week, “rooted” was on my mind. It suddenly became obvious that this word came from the Lord. We as a church are going through a “Growing Up Challenge” together, learning spiritual disciplines for daily life and how to be a disciple. We even use study books called Growing Up, Firmly Planted, and Foundations. Everything points back to “rooted.” It's come full circle. 

Living out my word of the year in daily life in 2017 will take a lot of prayer. “Rooted” means saying yes to stillness, quiet, and rest. To time alone with Christ. To stepping out of my comfort zone trusting Him and knowing my foundation cannot be shaken. To gratitude, to generosity, to service. “Rooted” means saying no to comparison and selfishness. No to busyness and hustle, and definitely no to doubt and distrust. Over and over and over again.

No matter what changes occur over the next 12 months, my identity is rooted in God. My roots are unshakeable. I pray they grow deeper and stronger than I ever thought possible. I pray they remind me of exactly who I am and whose I am. 

I believe God will use "rooted" within me this year, even if in the smallest and most unexpected of ways. I'm challenging you to set your own word for 2017. Send me an email or reply in the comments below. Share it with your friends. Pray about it and offer it up to Jesus. And together, let's watch as He shows up yet again.

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.

Your Favorite Posts of 2016

I look back on the past 12 months and am in awe of God's faithfulness. I doubted, and He came through. I doubted, and He came through. The process repeated itself over and over again. I never would have guessed in January that by the end of the year I'd be working for a church in Nashville, Tennessee. I defs didn't see that one coming. I repeatedly said, "God don't give me what I want but give me your best." And that's exactly what He's done.

One of my favorite parts about journaling is the way it marks time. I jot a moment on paper and go back to it whenever I want. Blogging is the same. It's so cool to see how the Lord has worked in my heart this year as I read through old blog posts. Below are a few of your favorites from 2016. What resonated with you the most? What do you want to see more of in the new year? Leave a comment on the post below or shoot me an email. I'd love to hear from you. And thank you for sticking with me! You make this blog happen.

A One-Way Ticket

The biggest thing that happened to me this year? I moved from New York City to Nashville! Click here to read all about this major change in my life. (And hit me up if you're ever in town!)

Now I Know Why God Created A Sabbath

I spent a few days in Vermont this summer without cell service, social media, or any of the hustle and bustle. That time showed me the importance of sabbathing. Rest is so, so good, friends.

Courage, Dear Heart

I got a tattoo. Yes, really! God has pressed upon my heart to be strong and courageous and to trust in Him. My tattoo is a daily reminder of that. 

Let's Honor Our Bodies And Enjoy Food As The Gift It Is

This post is about as real as I get. My struggles with an eating disorder have propelled me to Christ; He alone heals. His Word has shown me why we eat and drink in the first place, and how our bodies are gifts made for a mission.  

Dear Future Daughter

There are things I want my future daughter to know, and I can't wait to share this letter with her one day.

Overwhelmed By Love

I felt deeply cared for and encouraged on my birthday this past February. Thank you to all who showed up and showed what it means to love. (Thanks also for the best birthday cake of my life!)

I Want To Make My Name Known

Anyone else feel intimidated and pressured by those 30 Under 30 lists? Good news: We don't have to be! Our names are already written in heaven, and that's the best list of all.

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.