The Comparison Game

I moved to Nashville nine months ago. In that time, I have received three couches from friends and family. Yes, three. My initial thought was one of gratitude and appreciation. I have a new couch! For free! But if I’m honest that very quickly dissipated and morphed into, This couch doesn’t fit with my aesthetic. This isn’t what I’m going for. My apartment doesn’t look good enough to invite friends into. I want the clean, white, perfect Joanna Gaines home that so many other people seem to have.

Hello—talking about a couch here. Interior design. A first-world problem if there ever was one.

I’d say to myself, I’m a 27-year-old woman living in my first apartment alone, and I want it to look good.

It didn’t take long for my boyfriend to call me out. Leave it to a male to speak the obvious truth:

Why does it matter?

Desiring or possessing a nice house or apartment is not an inherently bad thing. We’re allowed to have living spaces that fit our style and make us feel at home. But I think it’s important we ask ourselves the state of our hearts in desiring these things and building them up.

Surely you can relate, whether with your home, your body, your job, or your relationship status. After all, we live in an image-focused world. I read a statistic that Instagram has 600 million users, 400 million of whom are active every day. And 95 billion images and videos are shared on Instagram every 24 hours. How crazy is that? We’re inundated with images from other people—some authentic but many not. Images of fitness routines, “clean” meals, beauty tips, high fashion, celebrity lifestyles, career accomplishments, perfect homes—the list is never-ending.

I look at Instagram and compare myself to women who “have it all”: a successful blog or book, a cute body, great fashion sense, a perfectly decorated home, a nice husband, and maybe even a sweet little one.

These things will ultimately pass away. That vintage clawfoot tub and the number of blog followers aren't coming with us to heaven. We’re not guaranteed our six-pack abs are either. I don’t want to store up so many treasures for myself here on earth that I’m reluctant to leave them behind when I’m called to glory and life eternal with Jesus Christ.

Let my wealth be in the Cross.

This truth applies to any of our ventures. I know when I am not on guard and spending time in God’s Word, my tendency to compare can take deeper roots in my life. I imagine comparison like a nasty weed that makes its way into the flower bed and destroys every blossom. It digs in, plants roots, and grows deeper and wider until it has thoroughly wrecked the entire garden.

At that point, my comparison turns into jealousy and envy.

My friend Paul Maxwell had this to say about jealousy:

"Through jealousy, God shows us two things. First, he shows us himself. He is a jealous God (he even says “my name is Jealous” Exodus 34:14). It is part of his character as the covenanting God to take on the pain and hurt of experiencing his bride’s unfaithfulness (Hosea 4:13–14). Through our jealousy, we experience a communicable divine emotion (Deuteronomy 32:21).

Second, he shows us ourselves. Through jealousy, the deepest desires of our hearts are elicited and amplified (Genesis 22:12; Psalm 66:18–20). The fire of jealousy burns away the distractions of life’s details to show us the things we treasure. This process of internal emotional suffering—of jealousy most pointedly—can help clarify and bring to the surface all that we would otherwise have kept hidden from God and even from ourselves."

My jealousy indicates where my desires are. My jealousy for someone else’s beautiful home is about more than decor. At its core, it’s about approval, recognition, and admiration.

I even get jealous about friend’s successful blogs, books, and creative pursuits. Deep down, I want God to widely use me and my writing, to allow me to publish a book and to impact other women. The jealousy that can come from that desire is not a pretty place for my heart to be.

In 1 Kings 20 and 21, we see Ahab fiercely jealous of Naboth and his vineyard. Ahab wants what he wants, and his wife Jezebel encourages him to assert his power to make it happen. God had commanded earlier,

“Walk in my statutes, execute my ordinances, and keep all My commandments by walking in them.”

— 1 Kings 6:12

Ahab and Jezebel completely disregard God and pursue their own desires in selfishness and sin.

Later, Ahab repents and walks around subdued—and The Lord honors His humility. God is just, yet He is full of mercy. He wants our humility and reliance on Him over our own pride. And He wants our contentment to be in Him, not in what other people have.

Immorality comes into my life through comparison, jealousy, and pride. Can you say the same?

I want my focus to be on my holiness, my becoming more like Jesus and more consistently in step with Him. This has to be elevated above any striving for success, approval, or acceptance. 

“This is what the Lord says: Heaven is my throne, and earth is my footstool. Where could you possibly build a house for me? And where would my resting place be? My hand made all these things, and so they all came into being. This is the Lord’s declaration. I will look favorably on this kind of person: one who is humble, submissive in spirit, and trembles at my word.”

— Isaiah 66:1-2

God created heaven and earth; He created us and every part of our lives. He's looking for the person who is humbly willing to follow Him. When I notice myself in the trap of comparison, I ask Him to create in me a humble heart and a spirit of obedience to His will. I need His help so that my focus rests on Him, not on others. Let my life be about Jesus and the things He wants for me.

Rather than compare to others or long jealously after what they have, we can root ourselves in the Lord. When we align our hearts with His, we understand and experience what He wants for us.

This is the long game. It's not an overnight process. It takes work, and it takes continual turning back to Him.

When we do that, we get to rest because we're not constantly striving. We get to experience real peace in a way we cannot with anything else. While it may not garner us a bestselling book or a cute home like the comparison game could, it will allow God to use us as He sees fit, for our overall good and the good of His kingdom.

I'd take that any day. 

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.

A Follow-Up on Body Image and Recovery

Friends—thank you so much for reading my blog post on body image. I really think God was using me for that post, and I am glad His Word was such an encouragement for so many of you.

After publishing it, a couple of you reached out to me to ask for more specific advice. You wondered about any helpful suggestions I might have for someone going through recovery from an eating disorder or disordered eating.

First of all, for each of you who confessed to me that you have struggled with body image or eating and no longer want to walk that path, I want to say I am so proud of you. Being honest and admitting body image struggles, exercise addiction, or an eating disorder is the hardest part and the first step to recovery. And I would encourage you if you are reading this and thinking that you might be struggling, too, would you confess that to someone? Share this burden with someone else. Invite them in and push back some of the darkness that has a hold on you.  

Give up your struggle to the Lord. Cry out to Him. Talk to Him specifically about what you’re going through. Someone once told me you have to claim your struggle—meaning you have to name it aloud and ask very intentionally for healing. Prayer is the most powerful weapon we wield. Use it. Don’t let sin and Satan’s grasp keep you trapped.

I think that has been one of my biggest revelations in recovery—the knowledge that I cannot do it alone. Other people are not here to judge you; they want to help you.

Even more so, God is here for you. If you are a Christian, you have been sealed with His Spirit. He dwells within you! Take a moment to soak that in.

“When you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and when you believed in Him, you were also sealed with the promised Holy Spirit.”

— Ephesians 1:13

God hears you, and He loves you so much. He doesn't want you to spend your life hyper-focused on your body and your weight, your fitness routine, and your food intake. He has so much more in store for you. You have to believe that. If you are wrestling with the same struggle again and again, continually hitting a dead end, and you are not a Christian, would you consider how a relationship with Jesus changes your life? How He enables your healing, recovery, and redemption?

Read my story. I can’t make this stuff up—I’m alive today because of Jesus. I’m still a work in progress, and I will always be. But He has given me new life. You can have new life, too.

If you believe in your heart that Jesus is Lord and you proclaim that, you will be saved. (Romans 10:9)

My next step for you would be to start meeting with a non-diet dietitian in your area. I cannot emphasize enough how much my dietitian has helped me and continues to lead me on the road to full freedom. When seeking out a dietitian, be sure she has her credentials and really does specialize in eating disorders and intuitive eating. If you cannot find someone in your area like this, there are some great RDs who offer phone/Skype sessions. Consider Robyn (a friend and fellow church member from New York City!), Kylie (adore her), or Reba (my dietitian!).

Another thing that was super helpful for me was doing a detox for my mind. I re-evaluated all the media I take in, and I looked specifically for healthier outlets that would encourage me and build up my body confidence. I now regularly read blogs like Imma Eat That and The Real Life RD, and I listen to podcasts like Food Psych with Christy Harrison. I look for books on recovery, such as Life Without Ed (could not recommend this more), The Eating Disorder Sourcebook, and Intuitive Eating (a game-changer for everyone, not just those who struggle with an ED).

I stopped following a lot of people on Instagram who made me feel guilty about the food I eat or the way my body looks. I stopped following most celebrities. I often found myself comparing my life to theirs, and it wasn't healthy. About a year ago, I stopped all my magazine subscriptions. I read magazines here and there, but not the way I use to legit study them from cover to cover. I even stopped watching "The Bachelor/Bachelorette"—I know that sounds silly, but it's helped! I didn't realize how much I compared myself to the "real" women on those shows and held them as a standard for what I should look like and what men desire. Let me tell you: That could not be further from the truth.

I have to take solace in the real Truth—God's Word. Psalm 139 and Proverbs 31 are beautiful reminders of who we are as precious daughters of Christ. Our worth is so much more than our weight or the food we eat. Pick a verse that especially speaks to you and memorize it. Pull that out when you’re tempted to fall back into old ways.

For me, that’s 1 Samuel 16:7:

“But the LORD said to Samuel, ‘Do not look at his appearance or his stature, because I have rejected him. Man does not see what the LORD sees, for man sees what is visible, but the LORD sees the heart.”

Remember who you are and whose you are. Keep fighting. Recovery is a battle, but full freedom and restoration are possible.

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.

What Does The Bible Say About Body Image?

I’ve been thinking about this blog post for a long time. I haven’t written it because, well, there’s so much to say. I’ve written plenty on body image in the past, but not always from a Biblical standpoint. I’ve written about honoring our bodies and how to talk to a friend who has an eating disorder. I’ve encouraged us to quit dictating the morality of food and to forget about weight loss resolutions.

But talk about the Gospel and how that affects body image?

It’s a tougher topic entirely.

A writer at Christianity Today had this to say about the issue:

“Every time a woman turns on the television, strolls past a magazine aisle, watches the numbers rise on the scale, or spots that first gray hair, the battle wages on.

I cannot speak to the experience of men, but studies show that men fight this battle too. Images of six-pack abs, athletic builds, trendy clothes, and perfectly styled hair are all over the media…and if we're being honest, in many an evangelical pulpit.

For these two reasons—physical and spiritual—Christians need pastors to talk openly and thoughtfully about body image. The problem is, very few are doing this.

I can only speculate about why church leaders are largely silent about body image. Perhaps it's seen as a ‘women's issue,’ whereas the majority of pastors are men. Perhaps the topic is just too sensitive. Perhaps it speaks to a theology more concerned with the spirit than the body. Or perhaps it is an idol so entwined in Christian culture that we hardly even notice it.”

I definitely notice it, and if you’re reading this, I bet you do, too.

I thought moving from New York City to the Nashville area would mean I’d escaped the pressures of an image-focused and success-hungry society. That has been true to some extent. But the reality is the same across America: We are hyper-focused on our bodies. We are bombarded with images and headlines on a daily basis that tell us what to look like, what to eat, and how to work out.

Christians are not immune to this. I’ve heard beautiful, Godly women many times compare their diets and discuss the things they don’t like about their bodies. Men may not be talking about their body dissatisfaction in the same way, but body image is still a part of their lives.

So while I am not a pastor, I am a woman of the Word and a woman who loves the Lord. I’m also a woman who has experienced the deep pain and destruction of an eating disorder and poor body image—and the immense healing a relationship with Christ brings.

Throughout my years of struggle with food, exercise, and body image, the thing that has brought me the most comfort and encouragement is the Word of God. My identity is rooted in Him. When we accept Christ and live our lives for Him, that changes everything—including body image.

Paul writes in his first letter to Timothy, 

“for the training of the body has a limited benefit, but godliness is beneficial in every way, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come. ”

— 1 Timothy 4:8

This verse always stands out to me. It’s been helpful for me whenever I think “I just ate [insert “bad” food here] so I better [insert strenuous exercise] to burn those calories.” That sort of thinking is not the way God created us! I cannot stress this enough. That thinking comes straight from the devil. It tempts us and tricks us; it certainly doesn’t make us more like Christ.

Exercise is an amazing thing when done with a joyful heart and a true approach to health. But when exercise impedes your holiness, it’s time to take a step back. Reading the Word and praying has to come before time at the gym. Physical fitness and clean eating are not number-one priorities in God’s book, despite what culture may have us believe. We don’t need to work out six days a week, or sculpt six-pack abs, or force ourselves to run a 10K when we don’t even enjoy running. Those actions don’t make us healthy. God has created us with a beautiful mind, body, and spirit. Physical training of the body can only go so far when it comes to eternal life. I don’t know about you, but I don’t picture weight machines in heaven. Godliness, on the other hand, is with us for forever.

How much time do we think Jesus spent meal prepping, pondering his next workout, or deciding what He was going to wear? If I had to guess, I’d say approximately zero percent of His time was spent on this. He knew His Father would provide. He was concerned with His ministry and fulfilling the Father’s will. He wasn’t stressing about such relatively insignificant things as weight and clothing.

We know through through the book of Matthew that Jesus said,

“This is why I tell you: Don’t worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Isn’t life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the sky: They don’t sow or reap or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you worth more than they? Can any of you add a single cubit to his height by worrying?... For the idolaters eagerly seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you. Therefore don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6: 25-27, 32-34)

I love this picture Jesus gives us so much. Life is more than food and the body more than clothing. And God provides what we need.

Over and over in the Bible, we see God using the small and the weak. He picks the most unexpected people and utilizes them to advance His kingdom. He’s not looking for the people who look good and seem successful by societal standards. He’s looking for the people who love Him with all their heart.

Think of David, who becomes King of Israel and whose line leads to Jesus.

“But the LORD said to Samuel, ‘Do not look at his appearance or his stature, because I have rejected him. Man does not see what the LORD sees, for man sees what is visible, but the LORD sees the heart.’”

— 1 Samuel 16:7

One of David’s seven older brothers would have been the logical choice for King. Yet the Lord chose David, the youngest and smallest, who was out tending to sheep at the time. David, the one who no one took a second look at.

We don’t have to look a certain way for God to see us or use us. What God cares about more than anything is our hearts. When I find myself tempted to restrict my food intake or believe the lie that I am weak because I don’t adhere to a regular exercise routine, I try to remind myself of this verse. What is my heart motivation behind eating healthy and exercising? What drives me to do these things—godliness or something else like public perception, approval, physical beauty? 

Don’t you yourselves know that you are God’s sanctuary and that the Spirit of God lives in you? (1 Corinthians 3:16)

I pray I honor the Spirit within me by treating my body with love, kindness, and respect. I know that when I stand before God on judgment day, He won’t ask me about my dress size or how fast I can run a mile. 

From the very first book of the Bible, we see that:

“God created mankind in His own image; in the image of God He created them, male and female He created them.” (Genesis 1:27)

God created us in His image.

The Creator of the universe, the almighty, all-knowing, and all-powerful Father, is perfect. He created us to reflect His image. That means He created us perfectly, too.

He created us in a remarkable and wonderful way. He knit us together in our mother’s womb before we were born. Psalm 139 reminds us of how much the Father cares for us in the way He created us. Our bodies, our minds, our personalities are all from God. They are not an accident. I believe God designed us exactly as we are—what we view as flaws are precious in His eyes. That extra skin around the waist of your jeans, those strong and muscular calves, that thick and curly hair, those smile lines around your mouth and eyes—all are beautiful in His eyes.

If God sees us as precious and beautiful, and we care about His opinion more than anyone else’s, then why wouldn’t we see ourselves as precious and beautiful, too?

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.

He Is Risen

If you’ve been around Christians long enough, you’re probably heard or been asked, “Do you have a personal relationship with Jesus?”

Maybe you've even been asked, “Have you been saved?”

And maybe you’re wondering what on earth these people are talking about. I’m going to be as real as possible with you and try to explain that the best way I know how.

To me, having a personal relationship with Jesus means He is the center of your life. He is everything to you. You live your life for Jesus, to become more like Him every single day. You know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you’re going to spend eternity in heaven with Him. You believe He rose from the dead, and that one day, you too will be raised from the dead by Him.

Having a personal relationship with Jesus means more than saying God is real. It’s more than thinking there’s someone up in the clouds making the world go around. It’s more than believing in heaven and hell. And it’s a lot more than going to church every Sunday.

A personal relationship with Jesus Christ changes everything.

I know this because I’ve experienced that radical change in my own life.

A few years ago, while I believed in God—even the trinity of Jesus, the Father, and the Holy Spirit—I had no idea how much He could change my life. I didn’t grasp the magnitude of His presence or His actions in my life right now. 

I didn’t read the Bible on a daily basis, and I didn’t have a desire to. I didn’t go to Him in prayer. Even though I believed in God, I relied fully on myself. I didn't see myself as a sinner in need of salvation. I controlled my life, and by most people’s standards, I was pretty good at it. I was successful in every area. I was a good person. What did I have to worry about?

It took everything falling apart and me hitting rock bottom—plus years after that with God continually pursuing my heart—for me to finalize realize what I was missing and Who I needed. 

I needed Jesus. When I began to see that, my life began to change.

Grace came into the picture, and I finally realized I could experience a deep sense of hope every single day. I didn't have to be perfect because I have a God who is perfect, a God sees me as perfect in Him. 

I had to understand the full picture of the resurrection of Jesus Christ to enter into a saving relationship with Him. You see, the resurrection changes everything! Jesus was fully man and fully God. He was perfect; he never sinned. Yet He died the most horrible death imaginable for our sins. Because, like you, I am a sinner. We all are sinners in need of our Savior. 

Jesus died, and on the third day, He rose again! He was resurrected and ascended into heaven so that we might have eternal life. His blood was poured out for us. He was the ultimate sacrifice, and He died the death that we deserve. He is the only way we can have eternal life with Him, rather than eternal separation in hell. Our sins are what nailed Him to that cross. 

As my pastor proclaimed this Easter Sunday, Jesus loves us so much that He went to the cross. He is the only religious leader on the planet who rose from the dead. You can go around the world right now to find the remains of Mohammed, Confucius, Joseph Smith, and every other leader. But if you go to Israel and you look into Jesus’ tomb, you won’t see a thing. No bone, no remnant, no nothing. He is ALIVE. He is alive and active!

“He is not here! For He has been resurrected, just as He said. Come and see the place where He lay.”

— Matthew 28:6

We see in the book of Matthew, as well as the gospels of Mark, Luke, and John, that Jesus rose from the dead. Hundreds of eyewitnesses accounted this. And do you know who the first person the risen Jesus revealed Himself to? A woman. He showed up to Mary Magdalene, a woman who was once possessed by demons and who Jesus healed. She’s someone who society would have looked down upon in every way. Yet Jesus made Himself known to her. This is no ordinary man, and this is no ordinary story. Had a human written this story, written the Bible, I can guarantee you that Jesus would not reveal himself to a woman. Even more so, He wouldn’t have died. He would have instead been the typical hero we picture: strong and mighty and unable to die.

But that’s just it: Jesus is the strongest and the most mighty. And He hasn’t died—not really. He was resurrected on the third day, and He reigns over heaven and earth!

“He demonstrated this power in the Messiah by raising him from the dead and seating Him at His right hand in the heavens, far above every ruler and authority, every power and dominion, and every title given, not only in this age but also in the age to come. He put everything under His feet and appointed Him as head over everything for the church, which is His body, the fullness of the One who fills all things in every way.”

— Ephesians 1:20-22

We have access to God today through His word, through prayer, and through the Holy Spirit. Jesus is not some far-away God in some far-away place. He’s living and breathing in our lives right now. We can open up the Bible, read it aloud, and hear God speaking to us in this very moment.

God’s Word is so clear about what we must do in order to be saved. Baptism doesn’t save you. Repentance doesn’t save you. Going to church doesn’t save you. None of these works will give you a personal relationship with Jesus.

“If you confess with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.”

— Romans 10:9

A personal relationship with Jesus—a saving relationship with Him—comes down to our faith. You know you are a sinner, you believe Jesus is Lord, and know in your heart that the Father raised Him from the dead. That truth changes your whole perspective.

Will you declare that with your mouth? Will you speak it aloud? Will you proclaim Him as Lord and Savior over your life?

You don’t need a pastor to do that. You don’t need a priest. And you certainly don’t need me.

You need Jesus.

You can invite Him into your life right now—and I pray you do. My heart breaks for the lost, and lately I’ve felt particularly burdened for those who live their lives just like I used to—successful, independent, in control, and yet totally oblivious to the power of the resurrection of Jesus Christ and how He changes everything. That was me. I was lost. I didn’t have this great hope. I didn’t have absolute assurance that I’d be spending eternity in heaven with Jesus Christ. I kept striving, looking at one thing after the next to fill me up: my job, my body, my relationships, you name it. Here's the thing: Nothing ever did because nothing compares to Jesus.

Jesus' love for us and His call for us to follow Him is summarized so clearly in one of my favorite worship songs, “O Come to the Altar”:

Are you hurting and broken within
Overwhelmed by the weight of your sin
Jesus is calling
Have you come to the end of yourself
Do you thirst for a drink from the well
Jesus is calling

O come to the altar
The Father's arms are open wide
Forgiveness was bought with
The precious blood of Jesus Christ

We get to come to the altar. We have access to God right here, right now. We can have a personal relationship with Him, and we can be saved. Every single one of us is welcome. This salvation isn’t for a select few— it’s for the broken and the hurting and the man and woman like you and me.

I’m praying for you. I’m praying you would know and love Jesus. I’m praying you would accept Him into your life and finally receive the peace and hope you’ve been searching for all along. I’m praying your eyes would see and your ears would be open to hear.

If you declare with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and you believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved!

What are you waiting for?

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Still have questions? I’d like to invite you to read these other resources:

• The Good News (Long Hollow Baptist Church)
• How to Know God Personally (Cru)
• What Must I Believe to Be Saved? (John Piper)

If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.