Help Me Make the Blog the Best It Can Be

There’s nothing like the smell of fall in the air to help revitalize you. I haven’t been writing as much these past few months with our wedding and settling into married life, moving into a new place, and taking on more work in my day job. But I have so many ideas in mind for this space, and I am excited to get back to writing in this new season!

I’d love your feedback in making this blog better than ever. Will you fill out the quick survey below? And as always, feel free to leave me a comment or send me a direct message. I can’t wait to hear from you.

Steadfast in Every Season

Back in January, I wrote about my word of the year and why I chose "steadfast."

steadfast (adj.)

(1) Firmly fixed in place: immovable.

(2) Firm in belief, determination, or adherence: loyal.  

"I pray God cultivates steadfastness in me like His son, Jesus. This year, I pray my faith is resolutely firm. I want to be devoted to God no matter the situation or season. His love for us is unwavering—I want that kind of love for Him in return. I know I am prone to worry and anxiety. I like to be in control. But God, I give that to You.  

Lord, help me to stand firm in the faith. Guard me against sin and temptation and keep me focused on you. Give me steadfastness. Endurance for the fight and total surrender to the King.

That's the life I want to live in 2018: steadfast and true."

Here we are, 7 months later, and I need that steadfastness in my life.

I have felt my emotions running the gamut these past few weeks. Anger, frustration, impatience, irritability. I have felt like a hormonal teenager all the time, getting annoyed by the slightest things and allowing a cloud of negativity to hang over my usual sunny self.

Charles and I recently moved, and I find myself rooting my emotions in the state of boxes in our apartment. When our home feels disheveled, so do I. I let my emotions carry me away, rather than anchoring myself in the Father above and the truth I know in Him.

God loves feelings. Jesus Himself experienced the depth of feelings while here on this earth. He knows deep joy and love, grief, anxiety, and empathy like no one else. He understands feelings because He is the One who created them.  

So my feelings are not a bad thing. My feelings are not a problem in the eyes of God. Instead, my feelings are meant to show me more of Him. When I am upset about a messy apartment or frustrated that I can't do things exactly my way, what does that say about my heart?  

I think about Joseph in the book of Genesis. Joseph, whom God loved, was put through situation after situation in which his faith was tested. Yet he never wavered. He followed God, and he credited all to God's righteousness. Joseph was thrown into a pit by his brothers and left to die. Then his brothers changed their minds and sold him as a slave to men passing by. Why let him die when they could prosper off his pain?

Joseph ends up serving Potiphar. Potiphar’s wife demands the young and attractive Joseph have an affair with her. He denies her, and Joseph ends up thrown in prison, hated by both Potiphar and his wife.

God still follows him.  

“But the Lord was with Joseph and showed him steadfast love and gave him favor in the sight of the keepers of the prison… And whatever he did, the Lord made it succeed.”

— Genesis 39

He's respected and given more responsibility than the other prisoners. He helps the chief cupbearer get out of prison—and the cupbearer forgets about Joseph. Two. Whole. Years. Pass.

Finally, the cupbearer remembers Joseph. He gets him out of prison by telling Pharaoh he could interpret his dreams. Joseph explains how Egypt will have 7 years of abundance followed by 7 years of famine, and he helps Egypt prepare for this impending famine. So Pharoah uses Joseph and exalts him to the highest position in his kingdom.

“Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.”

— 1 Corinthians 15:58

Throughout his entire story—which spans years—we never see Joseph lose his cool. We don't see him freak out in the prison or complain to God.  

In fact, Joseph is the complete opposite. He is steady, he is faithful, he is true.

God is with him in all that he does. Joseph reflects the steadfastness of God, and he’s a symbol of the Messiah to come. He shows what it truly looks like to have unwavering faith that isn’t disturbed by feelings or situation. His example encourages me in this season where my belief falters. From the pit to the prison to the riches in the house of Pharaoh, Joseph walks with God.

What would it look like for us to walk with God, regardless of circumstance? What if we remembered God walks with us even when we don’t feel His presence? I think our lives would look quite different. Our feelings would become more steady. And our emotions would serve as a way to point us to God, not detract us from Him.

“Lord, give me steadfastness like Joseph, like the Father, like Jesus. Keep me steady, peaceful, grateful. Help me walk with You in every situation and season. I pray all these things in Your name. Amen.”

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.

7 Things I've Learned in 1 Month of Marriage

It's been a hot minute since I've regularly written in this space. Our wedding and honeymoon were in early June, and I wanted to settle into newlywed life, enjoying every minute with Charles before heading back to the blog. But lucky for you, dear reader, he loves when I write and is my biggest encourager. I am so thankful for him.

We are officially one month into marriage—I can't believe it! I'm by no means a marriage expert (LOL), and I have a lifetime of learnings to do. But in the past few weeks, I've learned a few things worth sharing with you.

1. Marriage is no greater than singleness in the eyes of God.

While I was single, I remember a married friend sharing with me that marriage is absolutely amazing but that it's not the ultimate end goal. She said as a wife, she could be easily distracted by her husband rather than focused on the Lord. Paul echoes this in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35:

“I want you to be without concerns. The unmarried man is concerned about the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. But the married man is concerned about the things of the world—how he may please his wife—and his interests are divided. The unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the things of the Lord, so that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But the married woman is concerned about the things of the world—how she may please her husband. I am saying this for your own benefit, not to put a restraint on you, but to promote what is proper and so that you may be devoted to the Lord without distraction.”

I now understand what my friend and Paul mean. I quickly run to Charles first because he's right here next to me, and I look to him for empathy, prayers, solutions. Being able to do this is a blessing. But as believers, whether married or not, we're called to run to Christ first. That's why Paul said to the unmarried, it is better for them to remain unmarried like he is (1 Corinthians 7:8).

To all my single friends: I'm not saying you need to stay single for the rest of your life. What I am saying is you are valuable, you are worthy, and your singleness is an honor in the eyes of God.

2. Sex is a gift.

We didn't sleep together before marriage. And we agree it was one of the hardest and best things we've both ever done. Whether you've already crossed this threshold or not, it's never too late to make a new start. We can honestly say this decision has given our marriage more life and passion than we ever imagined. Waiting means way more excitement, more value placed on the act, and a greater closeness with God than I thought was possible. We had to run to Him when tempted and remember that He loves us even though we are weak:

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we.”

— Hebrews 4:15

Not having sex with each other and not living together before marriage was also the biggest witness to our faith. People often couldn't believe we weren't living together, let alone not sleeping together. But it was never something we felt embarrassed or self-conscious about.

I think that was the Holy Spirit empowering us in our decision and helping us stand firm in God's clear direction for relationships. Saying no to sex before we were married showed us sacrificial love—a sliver of the sacrificial love God has for us. 

3. Pride will destroy your marriage.

I want what I want when I want it. For the past 28 years, I've been doing life my way. Trying to meekly follow The Lord, yes. But also doing it my way. I don't like to be wrong. I don't like to be challenged. I don't like to not be in control. That's where my sinful inclinations lie.

Now I have a husband. This isn't a 50/50 relationship. We are each called to give our marriage 110 percent every day. We're called to love each other, serve each other, and sacrifice for each other. That is no small task, especially for someone like me who enjoys being in charge. We also have to be quick to confess and then quick to forgive. Me stubbornly holding a grudge gets us nowhere, except me being more upset. 

Without humility, joyful servitude, and constant sacrifice for each other, our marriage won't work. No marriage will.

4. There are few things better than sharing homemade breakfast sandwiches and coffee with your husband.

Especially if you're still in your PJs. One of Charles' top love languages is "acts of service," and I'm so thankful he's chosen to utilize this with food! Whether he's cooking or I am, there is something so special about sharing home-cooked meals at the table together. 

(Want to up your breakfast sandwich game? Buy bread from the local bakery and invest in some quality butter. Mmm, mmm, mmm.)

5. Sleepwalking is real.

My husband has dealt with insomnia for years, and his back issues complicate sleeping even more. But his sleepwalking was a strange surprise two weeks into our marriage. Sleepwalking exists, and I've learned this firsthand. I've also learned the power of forgiveness and patience.

Since returning from our honeymoon, we've had to temporarily sleep in separate beds, until we move apartments and a new king mattress arrives.

I can't get mad at him for insomnia and sleepwalking—two unfortunate habits he'd much prefer didn't happen at all. And that's the thing: We're all human. We all have quirks. When you get down to it, sleepwalking (or sleeping soundly) has absolutely zero influence on our character and holiness. How we respond is much more important.

So when Charles is feeling exhausted, we pray God would give him rest and refresh him. When I'm feeling annoyed at the disrupted sleep schedule or at his worn-out demeanor, we pray for patience. God hears our prayers and is faithful.

6. Iron truly does sharpen iron.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

— Proverbs 27:17

In the words of Ron Swanson on Parks and Recreation, "The thing I love about Tammy is she calls me on my crap. Every guy needs that!" 

Really, though. Except in biblical marriage, we can call each other out and then graciously point the other person to Jesus. Marriage isn't an excuse to belittle the other person or maliciously point out wrongs. Marriage was created by God to reflect His glory and to help bring us closer to Him. Marriage is sanctifying. 

7. There's no one else I'd rather go on this journey with. 

I love Charles with my whole heart. We are two broken humans divinely brought together to live out God's call for our lives and help the other look more and more like Jesus with each passing day. He's my partner in ministry, my love, my best friend. There's no one else I'd rather do this life with.

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.

Three Years of Blogging

This week marks three years since I started this blog. Three whole years of blogging! This blog is officially a preschooler.

On July 1, 2015, I posted my testimony to this blog, sharing for all the world to see the woman I once was and the woman God transformed me into. This blog was something I felt a stirring to do for a long time, but it took having my heart broken to really push me into writing it. I’m amazed at the way God used something painful in my life for my very good.

This blog has gone through many changes of its own. In 2015, I was baptized and shared my story with my church in New York City. I was growing in my faith and diving headfirst into the Bible, ready to soak up all God had for me. I was also still wrestling with my eating disorder, going to counseling every week, and figuring out what I wanted in my career and in my life. 

Photo by Kat Harris (2016)

That summer I decided to be single for a while and try to take my time getting to know The Lord, rather than going about life according to my own plans..

Little did I know I’d be meeting Charles only a few months later. It was October 31, 2015, at the wedding of his sister, who also happened to be my roommate. I didn’t see him coming, at all. The craziest part of all: God used this very blog to show Charles more of who I am. Despite the long distance between us, Charles pursued me after falling in love with my heart written down right here.

Can I get a praise Jesus for that?

Photo by The Siegers (2018)

This small corner of the Internet has given me a place to process my thoughts on body image and anxiety, to meet some of the most kind-hearted readers around, to grow closer to Christ, and ultimately to share the hope of the Gospel. I feel like a very different person from who I was in 2015, and I believe the blog reflects that.

I’d love to know what you think of the blog and what you’d like to see in the future.

Please share more with this quick survey.

Thank you for joining me on this journey! Here’s to countless more years of blogging.

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.