Pressing Pause

I’ve been pretty silent here and on social media since my daughter was born. The transition to two children has been simultaneously beautiful and wild, and 2021 was one of the best and hardest years I’ve experienced so far. Insomnia, postpartum depression and anxiety, and Covid brought hardship, while some other things that I’m not ready to talk about publicly yet led to deep restoration within our family.

This week, I finished reading Jodi Picoult’s latest novel, about a Manhattanite stuck on a tropical island as the Covid pandemic hits New York City and the world. The main character shares a realization halfway through the book that resonated with me during this season:

Here, I can’t lose myself in errands and work assignments; I can’t disappear in a crowd. I am forced to walk instead of run, and as a result I’ve seen things I would have sped past before—the fuss of a crab trading up for a new shell, the miracle of a sunrise, the garish burst of a cactus flower.

Busy is just a euphemism for being so focused on what you don’t have that you never notice what you do.

It’s a defense mechanism. Because if you stop hustling—if you pause—you start wondering why you ever thought you wanted all those things.

As a former New Yorker who traded deadlines for diapers, I so feel this! It’s not that I’m not busy anymore but that I’ve stopped hustling. My productivity looks different. (I’ve talked about this before.) And since giving birth to my daughter, I’ve finally allowed myself to pause.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been striving. I’ve been working to answer the question, “Am I enough?” Having a lot on my plate and pushing myself to be “the best” is the easy way out for me. But focusing on the present and finding contentment in Christ alone? That’s a lot harder. That’s when I start to gaze at myself and wonder if I measure up.

Perhaps you can relate to the thoughts below, some of which are my own and others are what I’ve heard from friends:

• If I'm not freelance writing and continuing my professional career, am I enough?

• If I’m not blogging and sharing God’s Word publicly, am I enough?

• If I’m not exercising regularly, am I enough?

• If I’m still single and so desire to get married, am I enough?

• If I’m struggling with infertility, am I enough?

• If I’m living paycheck to paycheck, am I enough?

• If I keep getting passed up for that promotion, am I enough?

• If my relationships are on the rocks, am I enough?

• If I don’t have enough saved for my kids’ college and my retirement, am I enough?

• If I don’t know what God thinks about me, am I enough?

Friend, you are enough.

In Jesus, you are enough. Christianity is the only religion in the world that says you don’t have to do it all, you don’t have to check off all the boxes, because God already has. He is the perfect one, not you. He created you, purposefully and intentionally. You are precious in His sight. And He guarantees (yes, guarantees!) your salvation through your faith and His grace. Not through anything you’ve done or anything you feel.

And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the bodya and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:1-10)

I’m so thankful for God’s grace and for the reminder that I am enough, even when I don’t feel like it. That I can come to Him with all my burdens and worries and find rest (Matthew 11:28-30).

My prayer this year is to live more like Jesus. In the words of Kristi McLelland, I want to stare at God and only glance at myself. “He must increase, and I must decrease.” (John 3:30) Yes, yes, yes. Thank you, Father.

By Grace Through Faith

PART ONE.

I love this photo. If I had to use only one word to describe it, that word would be peace.

To me, it's the perfect depiction of peace, rest, and total awe at God's creation. The boats are docked for the night, the sun is gently setting, and a storybook pink glow is spreading across the water. 

This picture of peace is what I think of when I think about salvation. When I think about Jesus and calling Him the Lord and Savior of my life, I feel a deep sense of peace. I am assured of my salvation; I know where I’m going when this life ends.

I don’t have assurance because I did X amount of good deeds, read the Bible X minutes a day, or prayed X number of prayers. I don’t have assurance because I've been baptized, because I led X people to Christ, or because I write a blog about God.

Those things don’t save me. 

Those are what the Bible refers to as “works,” and while they can help lead me closer to God and grow in my relationship with Him, they are not the reason I have an eternal hope.

Salvation is not something I earn. It’s something God freely gives to me through faith by His grace.

If you want to look at one text in the Bible to understand this better, look no further than the book of Romans. Over and over again, Paul writes to Rome that the righteousness He has comes by faith in Jesus Christ. Grab a pen and circle how many times in Romans that Paul says “faith” or “by faith.” Paul is sharing the Gospel—that means Good News—with the people of Rome, and he does not mince words. Paul is clear that we all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. 

Think about it; even children lie and manipulate. We all sin, even when we don’t want to. Our sin nature is a direct result of the fall—that time Adam and Eve listened to Satan and ate from the forbidden fruit in the garden of Eden. Sin is innately within us. 

“Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin,in this way death spread to all people, because all sinned. In fact, sin was in the world before the law, but sin is not charged to a person’s account when there is no law. Nevertheless, death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over those who did not sin in the likeness of Adam’s transgression. He is a type of the Coming One.”

— Romans 5:12-14

But wait before you click away, feeling defeated—the story doesn’t stop there. 

Jesus is the One who is perfect, who has no sin within Him. He died the death that we deserve and rose again. He did this so that all might be reconciled to Him. The whole world! His message isn’t for the “good” people or those who seem holy. His message is for every single one of us.

Jesus came for me, while I was (and am) a sinner. While I was still dead in my trespasses, a slave to sin, He saved me. 

“ And you were dead in your trespasses and sins in which you previously lived according to the ways of this world, according to the ruler of the power of the air,the spirit now working in the disobedient. We too all previously lived among them in our fleshly desires, carrying out the inclinations of our flesh and thoughts, and we were by nature children under wrath as the others were also. But God, who is rich in mercy, because of his great love that he had for us, made us alive with Christ even though we were dead in trespasses. You are saved by grace! ”

— Ephesians 2:1-5

Salvation comes from accepting Christ and repenting, a big word that simply means to turn away from. When I repented, I turned away from my sin. I acknowledged that I am a sinner, and I will continue to sin even when I don’t want to. To accept Him, I declared Jesus Christ the Lord and Savior of my life. I invited Him in. I told Him my life is His. 

And by doing that, God’s Word tells me that I am saved. Saved by grace through faith, and this is not of ourselves but it is God’s gift. Not from works so that no one may boast. For we are His creation, created in Christ Jesus for good works that He prepared ahead of time so that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:8-10)

When we accept Christ, we get to fully claim our new identity in Him. The Holy Spirit dwells within us. The old self is gone; the new self remains. Will we still struggle? Of course. Yet we’re no longer slaves to sin. We have a new identity as holy saints, as servants to the King. 

Think about the person you love the most: your spouse, your child, your sister or brother, your best friend. Picture them, and now think of everything you would do for them. You want them to know and feel how deeply you love them. You’d do anything for them.

The way Jesus loves us is like that, except to a greater degree like we can’t even imagine. So when we put our life in His hands, when we’re “saved,” good works are a natural outpouring of the love we have for Him. They’re not what guarantee we’ll one day spend eternity with God. They’re the visible, external fruit of the amazing transformation and hold He has on our hearts.  

“Do you have passion for Jesus Christ? Do you have a love affair for the Word of God?”

My pastor asked us those questions this Sunday. They're questions I have to ask myself on a regular basis. I have to continually ask God that I would become less and He would become more.

So ask yourself, what’s the fruit of my life?

Do you want to spend time with God, in prayer, in His Word, and living a life for Him? That’s what living a “saved” life looks like. It’s not about doing a certain number of good deeds to tip the scales in your favor. If you’re living a life based on deeds and good works, you’ll never be satisfied. You’ll never not be sinful, and you'll never know what's going to happen on the day you laid to rest.

Knowing we are saved doesn't mean we don't do good works or that we live our lives however we want because we're guaranteed to go to heaven. If we're truly a Believer, then we're fully living in our new identity. When we're saved, we can't help but do good works to serve God with every ounce of our being. 

“And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day. ”

— Genesis 1:31

God looked at His creation and declared it to be good. He looked at man and declared him to be very good. Did you catch that? He looks at you and me and says we are very good. He loves us in a way we cannot even comprehend. We are worth Jesus to Him—the only perfect man who ever lived, fully man and fully God. That is how much God loves us.

“But the gift is not like the trespass. For if by the one man’s trespass the many died, how much more have the grace of God and the gift which comes through the grace of the one man Jesus Christ overflowed to the many… So then, as through one trespass there is condemnation for everyone, so also through one righteous act there is justification leading to life for everyone. For just as through one man’s disobedience the many were made sinners, so also through the one man’s obedience the many will be made righteous. The law came along to multiply the trespass. But where sin multiplied, grace multiplied even more so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace will reign through righteousness, resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”

— Romans 5:15, 18-21

When we are Believers, we are no longer under the law but grace. Grace multiplied even more through Christ Jesus.

That is the most freeing, joyful news possible, friends. That should bring us peace that warms us to our very core. We get to have life beyond this one, a life with Jesus in eternity. And when craziness ensues in the world around us, we can be sure of the kingdom that awaits us. You're invited to His table. All you have to do is surrender to Christ. By grace through faith. 

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.