The Importance of Prayer

I haven’t blogged in three weeks. Seventeen days, to be exact. I haven’t blogged because I haven’t been writing. I haven’t journaled. And if I’m being completely honest, I haven’t really been praying either. Not really. Not the kind of prayers where I’m alone and talking aloud to God because He’s my best friend and I want to tell him what’s up. I’ve been doing a lot more of the “God, let me go down this list and tell you what I need as quickly as I can because I’ve got other things to do.”

As Tim Keller writes in his book, Prayer:

"When life is going smoothly, and our truest heart treasures seem safe, it does not occur to us to pray."

Keller nailed it; that’s me. I think some of us pray more when life is going smoothly because we’re grateful and want to thank God for what He’s given us. But in my typical experience, I pray more when I’m struggling. I selfishly see good times as the result of my own doing. I treat God like a genie who I need to grant me my wishes during hardship.

I can easily forget about spending time with God when I don’t feel a physical need for Him. When I think everything is good, and I have a handle on my life, I place God on the back-burner. I’m not experiencing an immediate need, so I let Him fade away while I focus on my life and the good things in it—entirely forgetting He’s the one who supplied all those good things in the first place. He gives and He can take away. And both are for my good.

My life is going really well right now. It feels stable, healthy, full. My prayer life has fallen flat.

And in these past three weeks, I experienced some movement in my life. Things are changing and evolving. It’s very exciting; it’s also nerve-wracking. I began to feel overwhelmed, fearful, and doubtful. I longed for ultimate security and confidence in my decisions. I wanted God to shine a flashlight down on me, illuminating the right path and darkening everything else.

Friends kept encouraging me to make decisions by following God’s call for my life. To listen to Him and walk in His way. That wise advice only made me more frustrated and stressed out. I wasn’t hearing God speak to me or light my way. So then I became increasingly stressed out and doubtful in God’s goodness.

God, I just want to hear your voice and know exactly what to do. I don’t understand why you aren’t making things abundantly clear to me.

Perhaps because I wasn’t actually spending time in conversation with Him or in His word.

“Pray without ceasing.”

— 1 Thessalonians 5:17

Without solid prayer and time with God, I became more anxious and overwhelmed. I prioritized other things above prayer. If I wasn’t hearing from God with direct and easy answer, then what was the point? But of course I won’t hear from God if I don’t talk to Him on a regular basis. How can He listen and help me when I won’t tell him what’s going on? That’s not much of a relationship.

I’d sit down to read Scripture, but I wasn’t truly focusing. I wasn’t remembering what I read throughout the day. I was reading, checking it off my list, and moving on. I’m going through a “Bible in a Year” plan right now. I’m eight months in at this point. I am learning a lot by immersing myself in so much Scripture. Yet, I’ve begun to approach reading in a very task-orientated way, especially if I’m reading it on my phone. It’s something I do to accomplish, rather than to experience the full weight and depth of the Word. I can put prayer on my daily to-do list, I can listen to sermons, I can jam to worship music, and I can read encouraging blog articles until my heart's content. But those activities are all supplementary.

Without prayer, I got nothing.

Without an active, living relationship with The Lord, these other actions fall flat. The rest of life simply doesn’t make sense.

It took a time of some discomfort and anxiety to remind me of that. I understand that I won’t always hear God speak back to me. I may not receive crystal clear or direction from Him, but I can trust He’s there. That’s what makes prayer a form of faith. We have to believe He is present and working, even when we can’t see or hear Him in the present moment.

Keller writes,

"Prayer is both conversation and encounter with God... We must know the awe of praising His glory, the intimacy of finding His grace, and the struggle of asking His help, all of which can lead us to know the spiritual reality of His presence."

(Read Prayer. Seriously.)

Prayer is a blessing. We’re given the gift of prayer to communicate with God whenever we want. The God of the universe wants to talk to us all the time. Knowing that fills my heart with wonder and awe.

I could continue writing about the importance of prayer for another thousand words, but I don’t think you really need to read more from me on it. What you and I both need is to actually do it—to actually pray.

So this morning, I opened up my Bible. I read Galatians, and I thought through what I was reading. Then I got down on my knees and prayed. I told God where I’m at and how I want to hear from Him. I felt Him freeing me through that action. He took on my burdens and carried them so I wouldn’t have to. I’m telling you I felt a sense of lightness throughout this day that I haven’t had in the past 17. Because when I’m scared, worried, anxiety-ridden, or doubtful, God knows exactly what I need. Him.

Talk to Him.

Even if you’ve never before done it, there’s nothing to be afraid of. He won’t judge. In fact, he’s the best listener there is. Talk to Him and put it all out there. Trust me: His power through prayer is beyond your wildest dreams.

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.

What Do You Do When You're Mad At God?

Hi Maggie,

I came across your blog after reading some of your work for Verily (all great stuff, btw!). As you can tell by the header, I'm wondering if you could shed some light on how you deal with anger and frustration with God. I've been a believer all my life, but lately I've been struggling in my conviction that God is really there looking out for me. Over the past couple years there have been some trials and setbacks in my personal life, and I've started to feel like God and I have more of a Charlie Brown and Lucy relationship—He puts the thing I want out in front of me and says, "Trust me," and when I decide to put myself out there and go for it, He yanks it away, and I'm lying face up on the ground with a ringing in my ears. Suffice it to say, it's become difficult for me to choose trusting Him lately. I've started to go to church less and less and have pretty much stopped praying because I feel like there's no point—that He either doesn't listen or doesn't care.

I know it's partly on me because while He is all-powerful, I'm not entitled to anything FROM Him, and yet I can't help but feel upset at Him for placing these desires in my heart and never allowing them to be fulfilled or come to fruition. I'm curious as to if you've ever felt this way and what you've done to deal with it and gain perspective. And in the long term, what made it possible for you to start trusting him again? I'm hoping that in everything you've learned in your journey thus far, you'd have some words of wisdom for a fellow traveler. Thanks!

Michael

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Hi Michael,

First of all, thank you for writing. Thank you for having the courage to ask a hard question. I’m encouraged by your desire to turn back to God and trust Him again.

Now… Have I ever felt this way before? Yes, absolutely. Safe to say most if not all of us have felt this way at some point or another on the journey. We get these ideas in our heads of what life is supposed to look like, of how our days are meant to go, and how our plans are surely going to work out the way we envision them. We craft, and we tinker. We create, and we build. We think we know exactly what we need, when we need it, and how it's going to come about perfectly for us. And God gives us free will. He allows us to make decisions and to choose a path when we reach a fork in the road.

But, Michael, I have to tell you: Our plans are not always God's plans.

Anger at God can come on so suddenly. Be it a relationship ending, shattered job hopes, financial insecurity, the onset of illness, death of a loved one, or even the current state of our broken world—these things affect us and can quickly alter our view of God. Our circumstances are always changing. God remains the same—He is a good, good Father regardless of how we feel about Him or the unique situation we find ourselves in.

I have been thinking about your question a lot, Michael. When was I mad at God? I thought about relationships. A time when I felt like God was teasing me. Last year, I was dumped by someone I briefly dated. This man appeared to check off all the boxes as a fellow Believer who seemed to have his life together and who seemed to pursue me honestly. When things ended, it was very clear to me that he was not the right man for me. And yet, the breakup was a test of my faith. Why did God bring this person into my life and give me a sense of hope only to rip it away? Like you said, He put this thing in front of me, and I began to go for it. I allowed myself to open up again. As soon as I did, it was over. I felt foolish. I felt used. And I felt disappointed in God.

I spent time in His Word and in prayer. I journaled so, so much. I think the best thing I did was honestly talk to God. I was open with Him about how I felt. I told him I was upset and sad. I lamented. So tell him how you feel, Michael. Cast your anxieties on Him because He cares for you. He’s not looking at you like, Ha! Sorry Michael, you lost your chance. I dangled this thing in front of you and then took it away from you because you don’t deserve it. I want you to suffer.

God’s job is not to make us suffer.

He doesn’t create suffering. Remember that part of Genesis where God looks out on His creation and calls it good? That still holds true today. His creation is good and for our good. He did not intend for suffering to be a part of this world, but because of the fall in the garden of Eden, it is. We are broken people and we live in a broken environment. That wasn’t God’s intention for us. That’s why we’ll experience disappointment, doubt, fear, and sadness. We’re going to distrust God because of it.

He is still good.

A major turning point in my faith was recognizing that God doesn’t create suffering, but he allows it. That’s so important for us to remember. Suffering is not part of His design. The great news is He uses it to bring us closer to Him and bring glory to His kingdom. Christ suffered to an unthinkable degree—far more than we ever will. Our troubles here on earth are momentary afflictions. We can hope because Christ already came, died, and rose for us.

Before I was a Believer, I went through a time of serious depression and illness. I was caught in the throes of an eating disorder, and I hit rock bottom. By all medical and physical accounts, I should have died. It’s truly a miracle I survived after punishing my body and engaging in such destruction. At that time, though, all I thought was, Why did this happen to me? Why am I suffering like this? I had to withdraw from my first semester of college—totally not part of the plan. I lost many of my friends. My life completely changed. I couldn’t comprehend why God would do that to me.

I can now confidently say He didn’t “do that to me” or want me, His beloved daughter, to endure tragedy. But He used that time to bring me close to Him. That’s the greatest testing of my faith I’ve ever experienced. I wasn’t walking with Him then; He called me closer and closer to Him through the suffering. After my anger subsided, I didn’t know what else to do except to hope in Him.

Today I have an understanding of people and a merciful heart toward those who suffer that I did not have before all that happened. God’s used my experiences to strengthen my faith in Him. He’s showed me what really matters and to keep my eyes fixed on Him. It’s an extreme example, but perhaps you can relate to some part of it. He doesn’t need a near-death experience to fuel our faith; He uses even the smallest things in our lives.

Michael, I was talking about your question with my boyfriend, and he pointed me to Romans, specifically Romans 5. It’s a beautiful passage.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

And that’s why we can trust in Him. That’s why we can believe He sees us, knows us, and cares for us.

No matter how wonderful the desires of our heart are, they do not compare to Christ. We get Him and His plan—it’s better than anything we can envision or long for here on earth. Any suffering we go through now simply doesn’t compare with the glory God has in store for us. Remember that. Keep telling yourself the truth, even when you don’t want to hear it or don’t really believe it. Ask God to pull your heart closer to Him once again—and watch as He does His work.

Praying for you,

Maggie

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.

Courage, Dear Heart

I got a tattoo.

Yes, me, Maggie. The girl who loves puppies and watching Parenthood on a Friday night. I got a tattoo. It may be the smallest tattoo known to mankind, but it is there and it is real. Sometimes I look down at it, and I rub my index finger across it as if to test that it’s still permanent. (It is.)

I have been wanting this tattoo for more than a year, often drawing it on my wrist to confirm that I like it. On multiple occasions, I was asked by people if my Sharpie doodle was a real tattoo. After months and months, I realized I still liked it and wanted to make it happen.

So after grocery shopping recently, I decided to pop into my local tattoo parlor. The tattoo artists told me they had plenty of availability that evening. Cash only, and we’ll see you tonight, they said. I headed back a few hours later with my sweet friend, Katie. (Thanks, Katie!) I was in and out in about 20 minutes. Needles don’t really scare me, and the process wasn’t painful. I practically blinked and it was over.

I walked out of the tattoo shop beaming and excited about my new ink. I did it. I was officially tatted UP.

My tattoo is three small dots on my inner wrist—representing the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, with me always.

The number three shows up a lot in the Bible. See faith, hope, and love, a series of three. The three times Paul pleaded for the thorn to be removed from his flesh. And, of course, Jesus’ rising from the dead on the third day. I’m also one of three kids. The tattoo is a reminder to me of all of these things, as well as a physical declaration of my identity.

Since getting tattooed, I’ve had four or five strangers notice it and ask me what it means. I’ve told them honestly: I’m a Christian and it’s for the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. So far everyone’s response has been, Oh that’s cool. Or, I really like it. Or, that’s awesome. None of these strangers are Believers. They might be replying like this simply because they’re surprised and don’t know what else to say. Or they might truly think it's cool. I believe a lot more people in this world are searching for God and the truth found in Jesus Christ than may outwardly admit it. 

These three dots remind me to be courageous.

I have no problem enduring a bit of pain from a needle. And I am happy to tell total strangers about my faith when they ask me about the tattoo. God’s given me the courage to do that. But the courage to abandon my desire to control and follow him wholeheartedly? That courage sometimes still alludes me. Sometimes I’d rather cling to my schedule, my plans, and my busyness than courageously surrender to Him. Okay, most of the time.

You feel me?

It takes courage to say no to my own plans and follow His. It takes courage to stop revering my favorite bloggers and start revering Him. It takes courage to pray for the drunk guy on the street when all I want to do is judge.

God keeps bringing up this idea of courage to me.

I sat on the subway last week while a young man preached the Gospel. As in the legitimate, John 3:16 Gospel. He spoke aloud to the whole train, clear as day, even when a woman rolled her eyes and said, “Alright, already! Oh my God.” He continued talking, explaining everything from Adam and Eve to our sin to Jesus’ dying and rising again. He put it all out there. That takes courage.

I just so happened to be listening to a sermon podcast on courage at the same time.

And when I went to counseling the same night, my counselor suggested I pray for courage.

Courage is a theme for me. Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be courageous. I remember reading through the Harry Potter series, hoping I, too, would have been called a Gryffindor because of my bravery. I want to be bold and unafraid.

This blog is a product of that desire. I talk so often about bringing things into the light. I believe we were made to let others into our messes, and, even more so, to let God into them. He already knows all about it anyway—and still He loves us. So I strive to let Him work in the mess and refine my heart in the process.

Theologian John Piper writes,

"Christian courage is the willingness to say and do the right thing regardless of the earthly cost, because God promises to help you and save you on account of Christ. An act takes courage if it will likely be painful. The pain may be physical, as in war and rescue operations. Or the pain may be mental as in confrontation and controversy."

It will likely be painful. And probably more painful than the I’m-going-to-ink-three-dots-on-your-wrist sort of pain.

Right now, I’m in a season of my life where I need courage to press into the uncomfortable. God’s been doing a whole lot of healing in me, physically, mentally, and spiritually. He’s renewed me in so many ways. I’m not the same woman I was five, three, or even one year ago. I’ve talked openly about my struggle with an eating disorder—and God has brought significant healing into that area of my life! His work has been slow and gradual, but it has been persistent. Even when I’ve taken steps back, He has propelled me two steps forward. That is a huge praise.

Now it’s going to take some work on my end to continue God’s healing and restoration. He will do it, of this I am confident. But I must be a ready and willing participant. I can finally say I’m ready. I want to live wild and free, not tethered to anxiety, insecurity, or disordered thinking. Those thoughts will come and go, but I know they don’t control me anymore. I’ve tasted the sweet fruit of freedom, and I want more.

The book of Josuha contains my favorite word on courage:

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. ”

— Joshua 1:9

I am going into the unknown. That’s scary and uncomfortable. For me, full freedom means kicking any old habits to the curb. Like an annoying ex-boyfriend who just won’t quit: They’ve got to go. Full freedom looks less like having a perfectly scheduled calendar and a five-year plan, and more like days full of space for Him to breath into. Full freedom starts where preconceived notions of what a good Christian life looks like end. And if I’m being honest (as I always want to do with you), full freedom for me means living with a few more pounds on me than I have right now. As a woman who is healthy, full, whole. A woman who values The Lord more than a particular dress size or the way her abs look. A woman who willingly walks as God designed her to, even if it’s scary, unfamiliar, or anxiety-provoking.

Because He looks at me—as He looks at you—and calls us good.

We have to trust in God's declaration and know it's truth that holds more weight than anything we're afraid of. It matters more than our feelings.

It’s going to take me significant courage to push through feelings of instability. What awaits me on the other side of the uncomfortableness and the unfamiliar is good and beautiful. Throughout my life, the things I’ve been most afraid of, whether that was rappelling, traveling internationally, or interning in New York City, ended up being the most worth it. Pushing through the fear was the best thing I could have done. The Lord was with me every step of the way.

He is in all of it. He is with us wherever we go.

Like the tattoo on my wrist, He is there no matter what. Nothing is too big or too small for Him to work in. We cannot scare Him away. As we continue to accept His love and His truth, His Spirit dwells within us. He’s not only a part of our lives, but He is truly the past, the present, and the future lives we live. Rest secure in that.

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.

You Learn A Lot About Your Heart When You Don't Have A Closet

Last month marked my fifth move in New York City, and I’ve only lived here for a little more than three years. Moving is never a fun experience, but moving apartments in NYC is enough to make one run away and give up everything to live in a hut on the beach.

In New York City, apartments come and go every day—usually your best bet for finding one is a mere two weeks out. You can’t really plan, and you don’t have a lot of control over your options.

I felt sick with the stress of finding my latest place, affording movers, and coordinating the whole moving process. Moving is one of those things that makes me truly anxious.

I had been checking apartment listings every hour of every day. I was so afraid that I would miss something great and regret it later. My counselor suggested I take a step back. She reminded me that I was not going to be homeless. The Lord abundantly provided during all of my moves, and He was clearly working. My family would have a place for me should I need it, and I had plenty of community around me to support me in the process, too.

After talking to her, I set up filters and email notifications on a few apartment rental websites. Then I stopped checking and let the websites do the work for me.

Just as soon as I quit freaking out, my roommate (not me!) received an email listing for a great spot. She and I saw the place the first day it went on the market. That day was the same day the rental company lower the rent to be within our budget and removed the broker fee. My roomie and I applied that day, and the apartment was ours within forty-eight hours.

If that's not a God thing, I don't know what is.

The situation was yet another that showed me the value in letting go. Loosening up, relaxing the grip on my life, and giving God the space to enter in.

Try as we may, sometimes we just have to let go a little. Moving so often, and under such tenuous city circumstances, taught me to let go of my need to control everything, but in a broader sense it taught me to let go of other things in life that weren’t necessary. Moving has been a grand adventure in learning to simplify my life and let go of the rest.

Here’s the thing: We live in a world full of stuff. It’s tempting to want more and more. During my latest move, my roommate and I discovered we had three SodaStreams. Three! And our new apartment is a sixth-floor walkup. Without closets.

Moving so often really forced me to think about my approach to life. When something suddenly becomes an extra five pounds that must be boxed, carried up six-plus flights of stairs, and stowed in a 900-square-foot space, you really start to examine what it adds to your life.

So I have to ask myself: “Can I find pleasure in a simple glass of tap water and avoid the clunky, costly presence of a 21st-century bubble infuser?”

Yes. Yes, I can.

It’s a lesson in moving, but it’s a lesson in life just the same.

Quality over quantity—that simple lesson has helped me redefine my life overall. I don’t have time to go to every event or see every friend, colleague, or former classmate who comes into town. I make time for the friends who also make time for me—the people I know will bring me life by being around them. When I’m seeing fewer people overall, I allow the relationships I do have to grow stronger, and our time together becomes that much higher quality.

Even more than quality over quantity, I'm learning what true quality really is. True quality means faith and provisions from God. You can't buy that kind of quality. I'm starting to understand why Jesus told us not store up for myself treasures on earth. Earthly treasures are just things. Just things. They are replaceable. As fun or as pretty as they might be, they don't add to my existence.

“But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

— Matthew 6:20-21

Moving to an apartment without closets revealed all the junk I'd been storing up—not just in my closet (and under my bed and in random drawers) but in my heart. It's so easy to store things away, never really addressing them until they're forced to the surface. If I can hide it under the bed, then it doesn't really exist.  

Let me tell you: Cleaning out the closet is good.

Clear out the junk. Organize the mess. Put everything on display and bring it into the light.

Your heart—and your apartment—will be happier when you do.

Oh, and those moving woes I had? Definitely #firstworldproblems. I live and work in the most expensive city in the country. I’m grateful to be able to make a living here in the Big Apple. These moves have shown me that I don’t need to control and plan out everything in my life. For a planner like me, it’s hard to come to grips with the fact that I can’t look for an apartment until the month before I need to move. But there’s such value in being able to let go and trust that everything will work out. It might not look the way you envisioned in your head, but it will work out according to His greater plan. This I know to be true.

Even when I think I’m not going to land an apartment, or not be able to afford moving fees, or not be able to find a roommate, I am pleasantly surprised with ample provision. When I think I can’t get rid of something because someday I’ll want it, I always find that isn’t the case. I’m happy to be free of it, and I can focus more on the things I have that I love. Being intentional about my approach to life and things makes me that much more thankful for it all.

Home is where the heart is. My apartment is my oasis. I rely on good food, good friends, and good music filling the space to make it feel like home. Lots of decorations and knickknacks no longer have a place in my space. They take up room, they’re hard to pack and move, and they ultimately end up collecting dust. Buying fresh flowers on the street after work or picking up a candle from the sale section at Marshalls are two indulgences that make my apartment cozy and comfortable. The rest of my focus is on the peace of my home and love of those I have in it.

I would never have chosen to move five times in the past three and a half years, but looking back on it, I’m grateful for the changes. I’ve learned to not sweat the small stuff and to give up the things I don’t truly need. To let go of control and surrender to Him. Now I understand that at the end of the day, possessions aren’t what makes a house a home. People, experiences, and the presence of God are. My life is so much fuller because of it.

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.