A Letter to the Friend Who Is Struggling
A few friends have recently disclosed to me that they have friends or family members in the midst of a struggle with an eating disorder. Hearing this breaks my heart. I wouldn't want anyone to go through that struggle, and I know it has to be so difficult looking from the outside in at someone you love in such pain.
I want this blog to a be a place of encouragement and hope. Not because of me and my words, but because of Christ. So a major part what I can do—really the biggest thing we all can do—is pray. Prayer moves the heart of God and moves our hearts. Prayer keeps us in tune with what He's saying to us. Prayer reminds us of our need for Him.
If someone close to you is struggling with mental illness, pray for them. Pray that God would heal them fully and provide recovery in a way that only He can. Pray for patience and trust.
I wrote the short letter below for a friend of a friend who is wrestling with an eating disorder. If you, too, know someone who's hurting, will you send this to them?
They can read this note and they can read my testimony, but mostly I hope that they read God's Word. The Bible is a lamp for my feet, a light for my path. It directs me, teaches me, and sustains me every single day. I'm not writing this to you as a woman who's 100 percent healed and who never deals with a negative thought about food or body image.
I'm writing this to you as a woman who's seen what Satan is capable of, who's played around with darkness, and who's been radically saved from death by the grace and power of Jesus Christ. I'm writing this as a woman who wants everyone to taste the sweetness of a relationship with God. It will change your life.
Hi friend,
How are you?
I want you to know you are not alone in this fight. I've shared your same struggle for years, and I understand what you are feeling and going through. More than that, Jesus understands. He knows your pain, your hurts, and your frustrations. And He can provide comfort the way no one else can.
Someone recently shared insight with me that I never thought about before. In Genesis 3, sin entered the world through an apple, through a woman taking a bite of this forbidden fruit. Sin entered the world through food. Think of how many women today struggle with food and their bodies; that's the sin nature within us. But how sweet is God to redeem this! To invite us into communion with him, to feast at the table of the lamb. Our story doesn't stop with Eve in Genesis. We now have a great hope in the resurrected Jesus.
God's Word has been a light to me in the midst of terrible darkness.
He's reminded me that the testing of our faith produces endurance (James 1:3). That trials help refine us and make us more like him. He is the vine; we are the branches. He is continually pruning us.
“We all, with unveiled faces, are looking as in a mirror at the glory of the Lord and are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory; this is from the Lord who is the Spirit.”
Are being transformed. That's present tense. That means it's happening now. I just love that. We are not perfect, but we serve a God who is. He has been tested in every way as we are, yet without sin. (Hebrews 4:15) We can run to Him and trust that He hears us!
He loves us and has called us to Himself even while we are still sinners.
When we accept Christ, our identity is completely changed. We were dead, but we have been made alive with the Messiah. Saved by grace through faith. (Ephesians 2:5) He brings us back to life. His Holy Spirit lives within us. I cling to that truth whenever I feel shameful or guilty. I pray we live as men and women who are free because we are in Christ Jesus.
“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away, and look new things have come. Everything is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.”
A new creation. That is how God see us and wants us to see ourselves.
Hold fast to the Truth. Ask God for full healing from the inside out. Surrender to Him on a daily basis, and never forget that He loves you and is faithful.
If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life.
And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.
Truly, He makes beautiful things.
What Do You Do When You're Mad At God?
Hi Maggie,
I came across your blog after reading some of your work for Verily (all great stuff, btw!). As you can tell by the header, I'm wondering if you could shed some light on how you deal with anger and frustration with God. I've been a believer all my life, but lately I've been struggling in my conviction that God is really there looking out for me. Over the past couple years there have been some trials and setbacks in my personal life, and I've started to feel like God and I have more of a Charlie Brown and Lucy relationship—He puts the thing I want out in front of me and says, "Trust me," and when I decide to put myself out there and go for it, He yanks it away, and I'm lying face up on the ground with a ringing in my ears. Suffice it to say, it's become difficult for me to choose trusting Him lately. I've started to go to church less and less and have pretty much stopped praying because I feel like there's no point—that He either doesn't listen or doesn't care.
I know it's partly on me because while He is all-powerful, I'm not entitled to anything FROM Him, and yet I can't help but feel upset at Him for placing these desires in my heart and never allowing them to be fulfilled or come to fruition. I'm curious as to if you've ever felt this way and what you've done to deal with it and gain perspective. And in the long term, what made it possible for you to start trusting him again? I'm hoping that in everything you've learned in your journey thus far, you'd have some words of wisdom for a fellow traveler. Thanks!
Michael
Hi Michael,
First of all, thank you for writing. Thank you for having the courage to ask a hard question. I’m encouraged by your desire to turn back to God and trust Him again.
Now… Have I ever felt this way before? Yes, absolutely. Safe to say most if not all of us have felt this way at some point or another on the journey. We get these ideas in our heads of what life is supposed to look like, of how our days are meant to go, and how our plans are surely going to work out the way we envision them. We craft, and we tinker. We create, and we build. We think we know exactly what we need, when we need it, and how it's going to come about perfectly for us. And God gives us free will. He allows us to make decisions and to choose a path when we reach a fork in the road.
But, Michael, I have to tell you: Our plans are not always God's plans.
Anger at God can come on so suddenly. Be it a relationship ending, shattered job hopes, financial insecurity, the onset of illness, death of a loved one, or even the current state of our broken world—these things affect us and can quickly alter our view of God. Our circumstances are always changing. God remains the same—He is a good, good Father regardless of how we feel about Him or the unique situation we find ourselves in.
I have been thinking about your question a lot, Michael. When was I mad at God? I thought about relationships. A time when I felt like God was teasing me. Last year, I was dumped by someone I briefly dated. This man appeared to check off all the boxes as a fellow Believer who seemed to have his life together and who seemed to pursue me honestly. When things ended, it was very clear to me that he was not the right man for me. And yet, the breakup was a test of my faith. Why did God bring this person into my life and give me a sense of hope only to rip it away? Like you said, He put this thing in front of me, and I began to go for it. I allowed myself to open up again. As soon as I did, it was over. I felt foolish. I felt used. And I felt disappointed in God.
I spent time in His Word and in prayer. I journaled so, so much. I think the best thing I did was honestly talk to God. I was open with Him about how I felt. I told him I was upset and sad. I lamented. So tell him how you feel, Michael. Cast your anxieties on Him because He cares for you. He’s not looking at you like, Ha! Sorry Michael, you lost your chance. I dangled this thing in front of you and then took it away from you because you don’t deserve it. I want you to suffer.
God’s job is not to make us suffer.
He doesn’t create suffering. Remember that part of Genesis where God looks out on His creation and calls it good? That still holds true today. His creation is good and for our good. He did not intend for suffering to be a part of this world, but because of the fall in the garden of Eden, it is. We are broken people and we live in a broken environment. That wasn’t God’s intention for us. That’s why we’ll experience disappointment, doubt, fear, and sadness. We’re going to distrust God because of it.
He is still good.
A major turning point in my faith was recognizing that God doesn’t create suffering, but he allows it. That’s so important for us to remember. Suffering is not part of His design. The great news is He uses it to bring us closer to Him and bring glory to His kingdom. Christ suffered to an unthinkable degree—far more than we ever will. Our troubles here on earth are momentary afflictions. We can hope because Christ already came, died, and rose for us.
Before I was a Believer, I went through a time of serious depression and illness. I was caught in the throes of an eating disorder, and I hit rock bottom. By all medical and physical accounts, I should have died. It’s truly a miracle I survived after punishing my body and engaging in such destruction. At that time, though, all I thought was, Why did this happen to me? Why am I suffering like this? I had to withdraw from my first semester of college—totally not part of the plan. I lost many of my friends. My life completely changed. I couldn’t comprehend why God would do that to me.
I can now confidently say He didn’t “do that to me” or want me, His beloved daughter, to endure tragedy. But He used that time to bring me close to Him. That’s the greatest testing of my faith I’ve ever experienced. I wasn’t walking with Him then; He called me closer and closer to Him through the suffering. After my anger subsided, I didn’t know what else to do except to hope in Him.
Today I have an understanding of people and a merciful heart toward those who suffer that I did not have before all that happened. God’s used my experiences to strengthen my faith in Him. He’s showed me what really matters and to keep my eyes fixed on Him. It’s an extreme example, but perhaps you can relate to some part of it. He doesn’t need a near-death experience to fuel our faith; He uses even the smallest things in our lives.
Michael, I was talking about your question with my boyfriend, and he pointed me to Romans, specifically Romans 5. It’s a beautiful passage.
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.
And that’s why we can trust in Him. That’s why we can believe He sees us, knows us, and cares for us.
No matter how wonderful the desires of our heart are, they do not compare to Christ. We get Him and His plan—it’s better than anything we can envision or long for here on earth. Any suffering we go through now simply doesn’t compare with the glory God has in store for us. Remember that. Keep telling yourself the truth, even when you don’t want to hear it or don’t really believe it. Ask God to pull your heart closer to Him once again—and watch as He does His work.
Praying for you,
Maggie
If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life.
And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.
Truly, He makes beautiful things.
The Moment My Eyes Were Opened
She had dark black bruises around both eyes. Her hair hung limply around her face. Her clothes were the indistinguishable black of every other New Yorker. She sat at the foot of the subway steps, with her back against the wall. Her son lie with his head down in her lap. I never saw his face. He was either asleep, or perhaps too tired or sick to sit up. In fact, if you walked by them fast enough, you would not have even known he was there. He was a small lump that could have passed for a rumpled-up blanket. Until you saw his shoes. His little sneakers gave him away.
It was this woman’s eyes that struck me. Those espresso-colored eyes with their awful bruises underneath. They glanced up at me with a look of utter exhaustion, as if even the slow movement of her eyeballs up toward me was painful. She didn’t have to speak to me—this look said more than her words ever could. She was despondent, hurt, defeated.
I stepped to her side, out of the continual flow of foot traffic up and down the subway stairs. I reached into my purse to pull out my wallet. I handed her a $5 bill and for a split second, her eyes lit up with the recognition that someone saw her. Someone stopped.
“God bless you. God bless you. God bless you,” she said to me.
I touched her hand. I nodded and gave her a small smile as I fought back tears.
I stepped away and walked up the stairs, ascending into a gorgeous fall evening in one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in all of the city. No sooner did my feet hit the sidewalk before the tears came. Hot, wet crocodile tears streaming down my face.
I wept. I wept for this woman. For her son. For all the broken, the lost, the hungry. And for a few blocks, I couldn’t stop.
Streams of people continued all around me. I am sure someone saw me crying, but I let the tears flow freely. I realized I normally wouldn’t have even seen this woman, but on this night, she was put in my path. On this night, I had gotten off the subway at a different stop than my usual. I had planned to walk the rest of the way home while talking on the phone to my best friend.
As I began walking and dialed my friend’s number, the tears were still coming. I had a hard time catching my breath as I explained to her what had happened.
It’s okay; they’re good tears. Well, no, they’re really not good, but I’m okay. I’m sad.
There’s such brokenness in this world, Em. People are hurting. It is so hard, and I don’t know what to do.
A five-dollar bill created such a look of relief in this woman’s face. With five dollars, she and her son could each ride the subway one way. Or they could go to the McDonald’s down the street and buy two McDoubles, two sodas, and Chicken McNuggets off the Dollar Menu. But that’s it. Transportation or food. One or the other.
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
And yet she looked at me like I had given her the world.
Please hear me: This post is not my way of urging you to donate money, or to donate more money. This is not me patting myself on the back for helping this woman. This is me confessing how little I do to help. I don’t stop for each homeless person. I don’t volunteer at a shelter. I don’t often pray for them. I didn’t even understand the importance of tithing until recently. I am a good person, but I know I can do better. We can all do better.
Once I walked away from this woman, I immediately regretted not doing something more. Why didn’t I offer to take her to a women’s shelter, or take her to eat a real meal? I didn’t even tell her I would pray for her, or that she has a Father who loves her very much. Because when I looked in her eyes, all I could do was cry. Seeing my fellow human being in such a state really shook me.
It's so easy for me to complain about my life. I grumble about not feeling fulfilled in my career. I worry about my future and my finances. I stress about my social life and freelance work and finding time to fit it all in. Meanwhile the crestfallen and hopeless are literally lying at my feet.
It hurts to see a person in such brokenness because we are not meant to live like that. We weren’t designed for suffering. But we live in a fallen world, and suffering thrives.
“He raises up the poor from the dust, He lifts the needy from the ash heap to make them sit with princes and inherit a seat of honor. For the pillars of the earth are the Lord’s, and on them He has set the world.”
My hope rests in the new earth, a time when suffering will be no more, when peace and joy will reign throughout. I am so very grateful to our God who provides that and who has adopted us into His kingdom.
But while I’m still here, on this earth and in New York City, what can I do?
There are almost 60,000 homeless people in NYC alone. It’s overwhelming. I pray that the Lord would open my eyes to one person who I can help. To put one person in front of me. One person who I can have a relationship with, who I can pray for, and who I can extend more than a $5 bill.
Maybe this woman is my person.
In that moment, my eyes were opened. If I see her again, I will talk to her. I will let her know that she is not alone. I will do what I can to get her and her son to safety. Most importantly, I will pray. Whether I see her again or not, she is still out there, still wounded and hurting.
Father, protect her and her son. I pray that you provide food for them to eat and a safe, warm place to rest their heads. I pray they would know you and find hope in you. And Father, I ask that you cultivate a heart of gratitude in me. Help me respond to the plight of others around me in however you enable me to do so. Help me to take action. Make us a city of doers, Lord. A city that believes in spreading kindness and humanity toward our fellow neighbors. Give us your strength to fight for our brothers and sisters, God. Make us more like Your Son, and help us remember His love and His mercy knows no bounds. Thy will be done. I pray all these things through Jesus Christ. Amen.