Steadfast in Every Season

Back in January, I wrote about my word of the year and why I chose "steadfast."

steadfast (adj.)

(1) Firmly fixed in place: immovable.

(2) Firm in belief, determination, or adherence: loyal.  

"I pray God cultivates steadfastness in me like His son, Jesus. This year, I pray my faith is resolutely firm. I want to be devoted to God no matter the situation or season. His love for us is unwavering—I want that kind of love for Him in return. I know I am prone to worry and anxiety. I like to be in control. But God, I give that to You.  

Lord, help me to stand firm in the faith. Guard me against sin and temptation and keep me focused on you. Give me steadfastness. Endurance for the fight and total surrender to the King.

That's the life I want to live in 2018: steadfast and true."

Here we are, 7 months later, and I need that steadfastness in my life.

I have felt my emotions running the gamut these past few weeks. Anger, frustration, impatience, irritability. I have felt like a hormonal teenager all the time, getting annoyed by the slightest things and allowing a cloud of negativity to hang over my usual sunny self.

Charles and I recently moved, and I find myself rooting my emotions in the state of boxes in our apartment. When our home feels disheveled, so do I. I let my emotions carry me away, rather than anchoring myself in the Father above and the truth I know in Him.

God loves feelings. Jesus Himself experienced the depth of feelings while here on this earth. He knows deep joy and love, grief, anxiety, and empathy like no one else. He understands feelings because He is the One who created them.  

So my feelings are not a bad thing. My feelings are not a problem in the eyes of God. Instead, my feelings are meant to show me more of Him. When I am upset about a messy apartment or frustrated that I can't do things exactly my way, what does that say about my heart?  

I think about Joseph in the book of Genesis. Joseph, whom God loved, was put through situation after situation in which his faith was tested. Yet he never wavered. He followed God, and he credited all to God's righteousness. Joseph was thrown into a pit by his brothers and left to die. Then his brothers changed their minds and sold him as a slave to men passing by. Why let him die when they could prosper off his pain?

Joseph ends up serving Potiphar. Potiphar’s wife demands the young and attractive Joseph have an affair with her. He denies her, and Joseph ends up thrown in prison, hated by both Potiphar and his wife.

God still follows him.  

“But the Lord was with Joseph and showed him steadfast love and gave him favor in the sight of the keepers of the prison… And whatever he did, the Lord made it succeed.”

— Genesis 39

He's respected and given more responsibility than the other prisoners. He helps the chief cupbearer get out of prison—and the cupbearer forgets about Joseph. Two. Whole. Years. Pass.

Finally, the cupbearer remembers Joseph. He gets him out of prison by telling Pharaoh he could interpret his dreams. Joseph explains how Egypt will have 7 years of abundance followed by 7 years of famine, and he helps Egypt prepare for this impending famine. So Pharoah uses Joseph and exalts him to the highest position in his kingdom.

“Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.”

— 1 Corinthians 15:58

Throughout his entire story—which spans years—we never see Joseph lose his cool. We don't see him freak out in the prison or complain to God.  

In fact, Joseph is the complete opposite. He is steady, he is faithful, he is true.

God is with him in all that he does. Joseph reflects the steadfastness of God, and he’s a symbol of the Messiah to come. He shows what it truly looks like to have unwavering faith that isn’t disturbed by feelings or situation. His example encourages me in this season where my belief falters. From the pit to the prison to the riches in the house of Pharaoh, Joseph walks with God.

What would it look like for us to walk with God, regardless of circumstance? What if we remembered God walks with us even when we don’t feel His presence? I think our lives would look quite different. Our feelings would become more steady. And our emotions would serve as a way to point us to God, not detract us from Him.

“Lord, give me steadfastness like Joseph, like the Father, like Jesus. Keep me steady, peaceful, grateful. Help me walk with You in every situation and season. I pray all these things in Your name. Amen.”

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.

In Sickness and In Health

Our wedding day was the absolute best day, and everything turned out better than our wildest dreams. But the beautiful photos don’t tell the full story (as social media rarely does).

While at our rehearsal dinner the night before, Charles felt sick. Tired, shaky, weak, dehydrated. He looked pale as we arrived for dinner, and as the evening went on, things only got worse. He couldn’t enjoy his meal, and he kept turning to me to tell me something wasn’t right.

As chocolate lava cakes came around to the tables, Charles got up and went outside. (Chocolate lava cakes are his favorite so I knew something was really wrong.) He sat outside the restaurant, and he told me and his family that he felt more sick than he ever had in his life. That he needed to go to the hospital immediately.

Our pastor came outside, we laid hands on Charles, and we prayed over him. Then we drove him to the ER.

After waiting a while and getting brought to a room by wheelchair, Charles was hooked up to an IV. The doctors diagnosed him with dehydration, hyponatremia, and hypokalemia. Low sodium and low potassium, and if he had kept drinking plain water and losing nutrients as much as he was, he would have been in serious trouble. Charles told me he never felt that sick in his life, and that before he got to the hospital, he thought he was going to die.

We took this photo in the ER around 1:30 am, when doctors told us Charles was almost back to normal and okay to go home. The nurses wished us well and congratulated us on our impending nuptials, just a few hours away. Our brother-in-law said it best: Charles and my wedding was Friday, June 8, with a beautiful ceremony and celebration. But our marriage was built in that hospital room on June 7 (and in the early hours of June 8).

We know Charles is healthy and full of life today because of our Father. Jesus protected him, saved him, and gave us the gift of our wedding. Our marriage is a testament to His Grace. Thank you, Lord! And here’s to many more years by your side, Charles.

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.

Take Heart, Daughter

I've been in a Bible study led by Kristi McClelland for the past 7 weeks on Jesus and women, in the first century and now. My mind has been blown more times than I can count. Reading the Bible in the context in which it was written is life-changing. One lesson—and one passage—has really resonated with me in particular. And when my pastor Robby Gallaty preached on the same message this Sunday, I knew I had to share with y'all.

“But for you who fear my name, the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in its wing.”

— Malachi 4:2

I've read and heard this verse many times, but I never knew the true meaning until about a month ago. I always pictured this as God offering protection and shelter under His wings like momma bird to its baby. It's a beautiful picture, but it's not the full picture.

Malachi is the final book of the Old Testament. This is one of the last things God says to the prophets before the 400-year intertestamental period.

400 years before Jesus comes on the scene, and God says "the sun of righteousness"—the Messiah—will have healing in its wing. 

To understand what this means, we have to look to the original Hebrew translation. When Jesus spoke, He made sure He could be understood by everyone. Understanding the culture helps us understand the meaning. Well, rabbis in the first century (and many today) wore a prayer shawl called a "tallit." The shawl has tassels on its ends. The corner and end of the tallit is known as "kanaph." Guess what "kanaph" is translated as? That's right: wing.

Jesus, a rabbi, wore a tallit, which had a kanaph. And God told His people 400 years before He sent His son to earth that the Messiah would have healing in its wing. But God doesn't leave the story there.

The first chapter of the New Testament (right after Malachi) is Matthew. Look at Matthew 9. A woman who has been suffering from bleeding for 12 years, isolated and cast out, approaches Jesus as He walks through town. She reaches out to His WING and is immediately healed.

“And behold, a woman who had suffered from a discharge of blood for twelve years came up behind him and touched the fringe of his garment, for she said to herself, ‘If I only touch his garment, I will be made well.’ Jesus turned, and seeing her he said, ‘Take heart, daughter; your faith has made you well.’ And instantly the woman was made well.”

This woman knew her Bible. She loved the Lord, and she reached out to Jesus. When I learned the truth of this story, I cried. I cried because it's not just a Biblical story -- it's a story that still happens today. This is my story. God healed me from anxiety, an eating disorder, depression, guilt, shame. Because He is my helper, I rejoice in the shadow of His wing. (Psalm 63:7)

He saved me like He saved the bleeding woman, and He offers that grace and mercy to every single one of you. 

Take heart, daughter; your faith has made you well. 

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.

Get Up and Walk

Now Peter and John were going up together to the temple complex at the hour of prayer at three in the afternoon. And a man who was lame from birth was carried there and placed every day at the temple gate called Beautiful, so he could beg from those entering the temple complex. When he saw Peter and John about to enter the temple complex, he asked for help. Peter, along with John, looked at him intently and said, “Look at us.” So he turned to them, expecting to get something from them. But Peter said, “I don’t have silver or gold, but what I have I give you: In the name of Jesus Christ the Nazarene, get up and walk!”

Then, taking him by the right hand he raised him up, and at once his feet and ankles became strong. So he jumped up, stood, and started to walk, and he entered the temple complex with them — walking, leaping, and praising God. All the people saw him walking and praising God, and they recognized that he was the one who used to sit and beg at the Beautiful Gate of the temple complex. So they were filled with awe and astonishment at what had happened to him. — Acts 3:1-10

Faith in the name of Jesus changes lives.

As I read Acts 3 this week, I was struck by this passage about a man who’s healed. He’s not only healed, but he becomes strong. He has spent his entire life disabled, begging at the gates of the temple. That’s when Peter and John come across him. It’s after the resurrection of Jesus, and they’re traveling around Jerusalem to preach the Good News.

They find this man, and he turns to them—expecting money, food, or something material. But he receives a gift beyond a small token. He receives complete healing. This man is restored!

I don’t know about you, but when I read that, I get chills. 

Peter tells this man, in the name of Jesus, to get up and walk. And there’s an exclamation point at the end of the sentence. This isn’t some passive suggestion that the man stretch out his legs and try taking a gentle stroll. No. This is a command to rise up and boldly walk in full strength. 

I know this man’s story firsthand because it’s like my story. I am in the best place mentally, emotionally, and physically than I have been in a long time. Actually, ever. I praise God for that. While, yes, I’ve been in counseling, and I’ve prioritized my health, these are not the reasons for my recovery from my eating disorder. Recovery without Christ is empty. He’s the one who has brought healing into my life. 

He’s making me more like Him with each passing day. My biggest prayer as of late is that I would know Him more. That I would love Him more and walk out the calling He’s given me.

Because, as believers in Jesus, we are free, even if we don’t experience the fullness of that freedom on this side of heaven. We get to experience sanctification—being refined and becoming more and more like Jesus with each passing day. We might not have perfect health or happiness here on earth, but we can trust that God is restoring us until we meet Him in heaven. 

While I’m in the best place recovery-wise that I’ve ever been, I’ve also been experiencing a lot of digestive stress and discomfort the past few months. I’m working with doctors to find some relief, and it is getting better. The more I shift focus off of myself, the better I actually feel. Intense nausea, acid reflux, bloating, stomach pain—these symptoms all serve as reminders that I cannot control everything, as much as I may try.

Surely you know someone in your life who was diagnosed with an illness out of the blue. It makes no sense. We can’t understand the why. And sometimes we’re not going to. The thing is: God is still faithful. He is still good. God can heal and does heal every single day. Nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37). No matter how much we manipulate, plan, and hyper-organize our lives, we are not in control.

What we are in control of is our response to God’s call.

He has true power and might. He is sovereign. He sees our pain, our suffering, and our frustrations. Guess what? He knows what all of that feels like. 

Charles and I been talking a lot lately about how Jesus is both fully God and fully man. We've been reading the books of Mark and John, where Jesus walked on Earth leading up to His death and resurrection. We’re struck by Jesus' utter humanness. He was perfect. He was without sin. He was and IS God. 

But He also went through intense pain, hurt, and suffering. He experienced deep loneliness. He was separated from God the Father, and He was abandoned by many of the people He came to save here on earth. They put Him to death, a death He knew was coming. Yet He still loved the and still showed them his might power and grace.

In John 6, Jesus feeds the five thousand. You know the story: He miraculously makes five loaves of bread and two fish enough food to feed five thousand people, plus leftovers!

“‘I am the bread of life,’ Jesus told them. ‘No one who comes to me will ever be hungry, and no one who believes in me will ever be thirsty again. But as I told you, you’ve seen me, and yet you do not believe.’”

— John 6:35-36

He asks us to believe. Our belief informs our faith. We take His word as true. Jesus extends great hope and eternal life to His disciples, yet many desert Him:

“From that moment many of his disciples turned back and no longer accompanied him. So Jesus said to the Twelve, ‘You don’t want to go away too, do you?’”

— John 6:67

That "do you" coming from Jesus reminds me He felt the same things we do when we are lonely and afraid. He understands that pain. He was tempted in every way as we are—yet He is perfect. He emphasizes with us and our weaknesses in a way  no one else can. No matter how alone we feel, we are never alone with Jesus. No matter how much pain or suffering you experience, you’re never out of God’s grasp. 

He can heal any illness—mental, physical, emotional, spiritual—in an instant. We need to believe it.

Even if we don’t find full healing right here, right now, we can trust in His full restoration in His kingdom. He’s the bread of life, providing everything we need and then some. He’s given us a holy calling to live out regardless of circumstance. He’s given us strength and courage. 

He commands us to get up and walk! Let us run with endurance the race that lies before us, sharing our testimonies about Jesus to others. Testimony means “do it again.” I want to trust in Jesus to do what He did in Acts 5 and John 6 again and again and again. He’s so much greater than we can comprehend, and His will will be done.