A Word for 2021

What a year. I’m ready for 2021, and I’m sure you are, too. Despite the prevailing cultural narrative, I don’t think 2020 was a bad year. I think it was a learning year. A growing year. A refining year. After all, we can’t have gold without first melting down and refining dross—a worthless, impure metal.

“In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”

— 1 Peter 1:6-7

Look throughout the Bible and you’ll find many years, decades even, of struggle for God’s people. Think of the great flood, the 40 years the Israelites spend in the wilderness, and the 400 years of God’s silence between Malachi’s prophecy and Jesus’ birth. Difficult years are nothing new. And difficulty isn’t always bad.

My word for the past year was joy. I obviously had no idea what was going to come in the next 12 months, but God did. God knew we would face a global pandemic. He knew our way of life would completely change and perhaps never be the same. 

On a personal level, God knew that I would use 2020 to (mostly) take a break from writing. He knew I would focus on my health and resting whenever possible. He knew I would have a falling out with one of my best friends and struggle to make friends here in Colorado. He knew we would have car issues and various anxieties. He also knew I would grow closer with my family by making more phone calls and spending more time with them this year than ever anticipated.

The Father knows everything about your life, too, and that should give us great comfort. 

“If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.”

— 1 John 3:20

 Throughout this year, I’ve felt God convicting me of my attitude. He’s been showing me the posture of my heart and, by taking away so many of the things I looked forward to for 2020, revealing my idols. Let me explain. Without mom groups, childcare, and a busy schedule of activities, can I believe that I’m more than just a mom? That my role as a household executive sans pay (😉) is a worthy one? Without freelance writing jobs or a high blog readership, can I trust that I’m still called to be a writer? That my words matter? 

I have wrestled with all of those thoughts this past year. When the things I looked to for contentment and fulfillment were stripped away, I felt somewhat lost. Perhaps you can relate. I think it’s okay to mourn what we lost in 2020, whatever that looks like for you. Let’s process that and then resolve to see the good in this wild season. How might God want to change your heart through all of this?

When we have Christ, there is always goodness to be found (Exodus 34:6). He came so that we might have life and have it in abundance.

Which brings me to my word for 2021.  

Abundance.

“...I have come so that they may have life and have it in abundance.”

— John 10:10

I want to shift my perspective to focus on the abundant life God has bestowed upon me. I have access to this abundant life through Jesus, regardless of the circumstances around me and within me. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). He is always good and always true.

Two years ago on this blog, I wrote:

What would it look like to live out of abundance, rather than focus on what we lack? 

What do you feel like you are lacking? Money? A job? Health? A spouse? Children? Friends? A home? You are not alone in feeling like you lack something. As humans, we are going to feel that on this earth. But the thing is, we all have everything we need in Christ. He provides our souls with abundant grace, love, forgiveness, strength, and justice. 

This year, I’m praying my heart is fixed on God’s abundant mercy (1 Peter 1:3) and that I would experience an abundance of joy, even when I’m tested by severe affliction (2 Corinthians 8:1-9).

I’m ready to step into the abundant life the Lord has for me. Are you with me?

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How to Handle Conflict Well

I don’t like conflict. I don’t like arguments or drama. I don’t think many people do. Yet even as believers, we will have conflicts with one another. We will fight, and we will cause hurts. 

Thankfully, scripture shows us how to treat one another and how to handle conflicts when they arise. This is something I am still learning how to do well. As Jesus says to the scribes and Pharisees in John 8:7, “The one without sin among you should be the first to throw a stone at her [the adulteress].” Jesus is the only perfect one. He’s the only one without sin. So even when we feel wronged by others, we have to remember that we’re far from perfect. 

I’m a sinner, and I know I have hurt people in the past and will hurt people in the future. But I want to be a peacemaker. I want to handle conflict well. Ultimately, I want to follow the example of Christ.

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.”

— Matthew 5:9

These seven tips will help you resolve conflict in a healthy way. (Other suggestions? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.)

1. Pray.

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

— 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I often want to make lists, talk things out, read an article, or somehow try to solve a problem on my own before I turn to God. But prayer needs to come first. Prayer is how we talk to God and how He speaks to us.

Ask Him for wisdom and discernment. Ask for grace, compassion, and the words to say to your friend. Then ask for Him to shine a light on your own sin. 

2. Examine your own heart.

“Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?”

— Matthew 7:3

This one is tough. I’m thankful for friends who hold me accountable and remind me that I am a sinner, too. Jesus is the only perfect man—who’s also fully God. When you feel hurt or wronged by someone, examine your own heart, too. We all likely have a log in our own eyes. 

3. Address it without delay.

Even though it might feel uncomfortable, address the conflict as soon as possible rather than putting it off. Doing so is better for your relationship in the long run. Trust me, I’ve learned this the hard way. You don’t want bitterness and resentment to crop up and slowly take over like weeds. Address things quickly, honestly, and courageously face-to-face—or at least on the phone. Please, no texting. 

4. Listen.

Hopefully your friend is willing to talk to you to resolve this conflict. When they do, make sure you listen genuinely. Let them say what they need to say, even if it feels awkward for you. Listen and give them your full attention. 

5. Confess and repent.

I have been studying the book of John over the past few weeks, and I have been especially struck by Jesus’ restoration of Peter in John 21. Peter had denied Jesus three times before His death. But when He returns resurrected, Jesus gives Peter three opportunities to state His love (or deny Him again). Peter declares his love and faith.

“Lord you know everything; you know that I love you,” Peter says.

Peter has repented, and the Lord offers bold forgiveness and mercy. If we are to follow the example of Jesus, then we, too, are to confess and repent. “I’m sorry” are two simple words that go a very long way. 

6. Forgive.

“For if you forgive others their offenses, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well. But if you don’t forgive others, your Father will not forgive your offenses.”

— Matthew 6:14-15

Holding a grudge is a surefire way to destroy a relationship, not to mention your own emotional and spiritual health. As believers, we know that we have been forgiven much. Our Father has forgiven us for our sins, and He will continue to forgive us for future sins. We have done nothing to deserve this! 

“But God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

— Romans 5:8

When I meditate on that verse, I am so convicted. Jesus washes my sins away and offers me a clean slate every single day. He shows his grace and mercy. I’m not saying you need to condone continual, purposeful, unrepentant sin. But I am saying you need to forgive. If we are to live out the Lord’s command as light in this world, we have to forgive. 

I’ve had broken relationships in my life where I held onto hurt, pain, and blame for years. When I finally was able to forgive, I experienced freedom like never before. Keep praying God would soften your heart and cultivate tenderness leading to forgiveness. 

7. Propose a solution.

Explain how much the person means to you. Share how you value them and their friendship. Then propose a solution to move forward. Affirming the other person is crucial. You’re letting them know you love them, even after the hurts you’ve (both) experienced. 

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

— John 13:34-35

When You Can't Sleep

Sleep. Precious, precious sleep.

I can’t remember the last time I had a good night’s sleep or a night of sleep where I didn’t wake up to either a crying baby or a mind running wild. Eight hours of sleep sounds like a dream.

Chances are you’re in the same camp as me. Maybe you have a hard time falling asleep, staying asleep, or quieting your thoughts. Maybe you also have children who wake up throughout the night. Or maybe you live in an apartment complex with paper-thin walls and noisy neighbors. Google “how to get a good night’s sleep,” and you’ll find more than a billion results. 

The tips seem relatively simple:

Stick to a sleep schedule.

Avoid naps.

Turn off all screens.

Exercise during the day.

Consider a new mattress or pillow.

Etc. 

Etc.

Etc.

I’ve tried these suggestions, but I still fail to get quality sleep. Can you relate?

Recently I heard a sermon from Pastor Matt Chandler in which he discussed his sleep troubles. He said he goes to bed at 9:30 p.m. but sometimes struggles with racing thoughts. Chandler said he imagines himself laying his worries at Jesus’ feet:

“I will just say in my prayers, ‘I’ve got to sleep. You don’t ever sleep. You take this and run with it while I get some rest. I’ll be right back in the morning to do whatever it is You want me to do…’”

Sometimes, Chandler ends up getting out of bed, praying, and reading until 2 in the morning. It happens. But I love his approach, to go straight to the Lord and to ask for sleep. We’re human, and our sleep issues are part of that. God knows this, and He’s always there to provide us with rest—even when physical rest alludes us. 

“Come to me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take up my yoke and learn from me, because I am lowly and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

— Matthew 11:28-30

A couple of days after watching this sermon, I listened to a podcast interview with Jennie Allen. Allen is an author and speaker who’s passionate about discipleship. Her new book, Get Out of Your Head: Stopping the Spiral of Toxic Thoughts, details the 18 months she spent wrestling with anxiety, doubt, and sleeplessness. “Drawing on biblical teaching and neuroscience, she shows how to fight the enemies of the mind with the truth of God,” the book description states. 

Allen experienced trouble sleeping and had questions about her faith in the midst of running a successful ministry, teaching the Bible, and speaking about Christ around the country. Yes, even faithful, godly men and women like Chandler and Allen can have sleepless nights. 

“Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. You’re not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It’s the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won’t last forever. It won’t be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does. ”

— 1 Peter 5:8-11 (MSG)

All this got me wondering why? Why do we deal with this? Why can’t we simply get some quality sleep?

The short answer: We’re human. We’re sinners. We live in a broken world. 

The long answer: We as Christians are prone to attacks from the enemy, and Satan is a cunning guy. He wants to disable us and render us useless. Leaving us worn out, weary, and exhausted is a pretty easy way to do that, don’t you think? When we’re tired, we’re less focused. We’re not alert or on-guard. We’re run-down and weak.

But we don’t have to be.

We live in a fallen world, except we have the hope of Christ. We have the Savior, the light of the world, who offers us a better way. We have to get up and walk in it. He saves us by faith through grace. We have to trust Him.

I think of the third sign Jesus performs, detailed in John 5:

“After this, a Jewish festival took place, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. By the Sheep Gate in Jerusalem there is a pool, called Bethesda in Aramaic, which has five colonnades. Within these lay a large number of the disabled—blind, lame, and paralyzed. 

One man was there who had been disabled for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and realized he had already been there a long time, he said, “Do you want to get well?”

“Sir,” the disabled man answered, “I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up, but while I’m coming, someone goes down ahead of me.”

“Get up,” Jesus told him, “pick up your mat and walk.” Instantly the man got well, picked up his mat,and started to walk.”

— John 5:1-8

The disabled man is healed not by the pool but by his faith in Jesus. God tells him to “get up and walk,” and I believe that’s a call for all of us. We can remain run-down when we’re tired, or we can adopt an attitude of faith. We can get up and walk. 

That’s super convicting for me.

I honestly can’t remember the last time I got a good night’s rest. Even before our son was before, during the latter half of pregnancy, I was constantly waking up to pee or because I felt uncomfortable. Now I’m lying awake at bedtime with my mind on overdrive, or I’m waking up because I’m anxious or because my baby is crying. The cycle is enough to make someone feel a little crazy. 

As I’ve taken this sleep struggle to God, I’ve started to realize it’s often a spiritual attack. I can be crabby, angry, and lethargic, or I can open the Word every day, pray to God, and continue to walk by faith. This is something I’m still processing, and I think I’ll continue to throughout my life.

God wants us to rest in Him. 

“Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

— 2 Corinthians 12:7b-10

Paul, one of God’s greatest missionaries and disciples, had a thorn in his flesh that God never removed. We don’t know exactly what that thorn was, but we do know that Paul trusted in the Lord in the midst of his weakness. For me, sleeplessness is definitely a weakness. I can’t get through it without God. I just can’t.

My She Reads Truth bible puts it this way:

“Our insufficiency helps us press into Christ’s sufficiency… Anything that causes us to depend on Christ is a good thing. When we lean on Him, we will always, always, always find Him strong enough to hold us up.”

Let us pray:

Father, help me put on the full armor of God. Help me press into Your sufficiency in the midst of my exhaustion and insufficiency. Give me rest. Refresh my soul. Help me to walk in Your way. Thank you for Your truth, Your love, and Your care. Make me more like You. 

In Your holy name, I pray.

Amen.

6 Ways to Make Friends in a New City

We moved to Denver at the end of 2019, leaving behind three years of building up our community in Nashville. Colorado is a completely new environment for us, and we’re in the process of making it our home. We are creating new rhythms for our family and so thankful for this fresh start here. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of waking up to see the mountains each day!

Part of making this our home means making friends. But, how on earth do you do that as a stay-at-home mom? Or in my husband’s case, when you work a busy full-time job? 

I’m no longer sharing a commute with my roommate or chatting with my co-workers at lunch. In fact, my bestie happens to be about 10 months old and likes to nap twice a day. He’s a whole lot of fun, although it is a little hard when he can’t talk back to me (😉). 

Jesus, God himself, had friends—12 disciples in his core group. But three of those men, Peter, James, and John, were his best friends. They were present for moments that the other disciples were not, and they knew Jesus intimately. God demonstrates for us the importance of friendship and reminds us to “stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” (Hebrews 10:24-25) 

A word of hope if you feel lonely right now: God wants to be your friend.

It might sound cliche, but it’s true. You’ll always have a friend in Jesus. In fact, He said it himself:

“This is my command: Love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this: to lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. I do not call you servants anymore, because a servant doesn’t know what his master is doing. I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything I have heard from my father. You did not choose me, but I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce fruit and that you fruit should remain, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he will give you. This is what I command you: Love one another.” (John 15:12-17)

I find that so encouraging. We’re never alone when we have Christ.

Maybe you’re in a new place or a new season of life like me. So let’s get out there together! Here are six ways to make new friends:

1. Check out the local library.

Okay, the library has been my jam. If you’re a mom or dad, you’ve got to get in on the free weekday story time. My son adores the stories, music, and time with other littles. I’m loving the selection of books, audiobooks, and magazines, as well as the discounts on local museums, zoos, restaurants, and businesses. Our library facilitates a number of book clubs for various interests that I’d love to join once Charlie is a little older. Oh, and did I mention it’s all free? 

2. Get involved at your church.

We recently found our church home and are excited about all the opportunities to form community. I’ve been attending a weekly Bible study while my son hangs out in the nursery. There are a lot of other groups at all times of the day and for all life stages, such as Celebrate Recovery, Financial Peace University, and even a Bible journaling class. Being involved in the local church is such a core part of our lives as Christ followers, and how awesome we get to make friends that way, too.

3. Sign up for the YMCA.

You can sign up for any gym, but I really like the YMCA for its plethora of programs and Christ-fueled mission. A family membership is super reasonable and includes the gym, workout classes, a pool, and more, depending on your location. They also offer childcare, which is great if you’re a mom of young children. I’m looking forward to taking some yoga and barre classes and enrolling our son in swim lessons this summer. 

4. Take a class or join a group.

Consider taking a class for something you’ve always wanted to learn. Piano? Cooking? Knitting? There’s a class for that. I’ve had my eye on a pasta-making class at Whole Foods for a while now, and what better friends are out there than fellow Italian food lovers? Eventbrite has no shortage of local events and groups, and I’ve also heard good things about Meetup.com.   

5. Volunteer.

Volunteering is good for you and good for others. Your church is likely connected to various ministries that can use your help. You can also reach out to your local food bank, pregnancy care center, or parks department for more opportunities. Meet others, and live out God’s command to love your neighbor. It’s been a long time since I’ve volunteered, but I’m ready to use my time and giftings to give back.

6. Hang out at the park.

If you have little ones, take them to the park. They’ll get some fresh air and physical activity, while you can chat with other parents. This one may take some stepping outside of your comfort zone. But I’d be willing to bet the other moms or dads are looking for friends just like you. 

How do you make new friends? I’d love to hear your ideas in the comments below.