We are 2 weeks away from getting married as I write this post. I've lost all hope of focusing on anything else during the next 14 days. We are so very excited and cannot wait to be husband and wife.

According to most bridal magazines, women's websites, and social media influencers, I should be hard at work to make sure I'll look my very best on the big day. I should be amping up my workout routine, focusing especially on my arms, shoulders, back, abs, and butt. I should be changing my diet, eating "cleaner" and preventatively dropping the weight that I'll surely put on as a newlywed. By now, I should have already considered fillers for my forehead lines, chemical peels to eradicate any acne, and regular facials to ensure my skin is on-point.

Oh, and one week before my wedding, a popular beauty magazine instructs that I should:

"Cut out salt, dairy, sugar, and bread. Oh, and booze. Sorry! It is all in the name of depuffing."

Okaaaaay then.

I should feel completely overwhelmed with the number of to-dos I'm supposed to be managing.

Praise God, I don't.

I have adopted a waxing schedule, and I've been getting regular haircuts. Other than that, I haven't done much outside of the ordinary. I definitely felt the pressure when we first got engaged to start working on myself. I'd be lying if I said I don't want to look my best on June 8. I want to look and feel my most beautiful, of course!

Today I feel the most beautiful I've ever felt, and I've done the complete opposite of almost all the "suggested" courses of action. After years of struggling with an at-one-point life-threatening eating disorder, I've experienced healing and restoration in so many ways. The thing that could have derailed my entire life is what God used to set me on the right track. His track.

Since moving to Nashville a year and a half ago, I feel like I've been coming back to life. I never expected to move here, but God plucked me out of NYC, brought me here, and connected me with the most amazing eating disorder dietitian and counselor. He placed me at an incredible church, grew my relationship with Charles, and brought more freedom into my life than I knew was possible.

If you go back to 2015 and read this blog when I first started, I think you can see it. This blog was my diary of sorts. it still is, but today God gives me the words from His word. I was a different person at 25... and certainly at 24, 23, and 22... than I am today at 28. The woman I was then was not in a place to get married. Today I am prepared and beyond excited to make this covenant with Charles. God has grown me in amazing ways.

For this growth to happen, I've had to let go. one of the biggest things I've had to let go of is my weight. Surrender my weight and that number, surrender my jean size, my food choices, my grocery list, my exercise routine, my innate tendency to be go go go. I've had to give up the things I held tightly to for so long and things I let define me in many ways.

I liked when people said, "You're so skinny," and "You could be a model" and "I wish I could look like you. What's your secret?"

My secret was a life-threatening eating disorder called anorexia.

I held those affirmations very closely. That was part of my identity.

But when Jesus enters your life, there's no room for double identities. To know who I am, I have to look to Him. This isn't something that happened overnight. This is years of God knocking on the door of my heart:

"Hey, Mags, I have better for you. This isn't you. I have a whole full life for you. But you've got to give me all of you."

Slowly, I gave Him pieces of my life. Leaving NYC and the active lifestyle that helped keep me at an artificially low weight, as well as an environment that rewarded that, was a huge step. Now, my recovery is the best it has ever been. I know the Lord has been building me up, and the only way I've begun to be the woman He's designed me to be is by gaining weight.

Weight restoration has brought life behind my eyes again. Weight restoration has cleared my brain fog and provided clarity in my thoughts. Weight restoration has given me confidence, self-esteem, and empowerment. Weight restoration has brought joy to my life. It has prepared me to be a wife to Charles—to serve him and serve God, not be mastered by the eating disorder. Weight restoration is setting me up to hopefully have a baby and be a mom one day.

So today I'm not losing weight for my wedding. I'm restoring it. I'm putting on any of the weight I was always designed by God to have. I'm continuing to push forward in my recovery even when the world is telling me to to do the opposite. And it's tough! But I know He didn't create me to be obsessed with my body, my plate, my wardrobe. He created me for far greater things than that. My pride pales in comparison to the beauty God has in store.

I believe I would never have experienced this abundant life without saying to God,

"Okay, Lord. You can have this. Take the weight, take my body, my life. I'm Yours. If an abundant life means 5, 10, 20, or however many more pounds, then, God that's what I want."

When I stand next to Charles and before Christ on our wedding day, I will praise Him for the eternal life we have in Him. We have a great hope and a future that's secure—that has nothing to do with my body size or shape.

If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life.

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.

Every December, the chatter is the same. Wherever I turn, I hear women discussing how to say no when holiday treats abound. How to stay in shape when winter is in full force. How to eat clean and drop a few l-bs as the new year rolls around.

You know the discussions I’m talking about. The get healthy slash be fit slash lose weight mentality is inescapable. Everywhere you look or listen, you’re sure to find someone discussing it. New Year’s Resolutions are synonymous with it. Magazine cover lines are all about it—as are Instagram posts, Pinterest boards, website banners, television commercials, bookstore windows, you name it. Weight loss is a major part of our culture, and each impending January 1 only amplifies that mentality a hundred fold.

“I feel so fat; I need to cut out carbs.”

“I can’t believe I ate [fill-in-the-blank]. I definitely need to go for a run tomorrow.”

“If I could just lose ten pounds, I’d feel so much better about myself. My life would be better, too.”

Hear me when I say: I won’t resolve to lose weight this year. Or next year. Or the year after that.

I won’t resolve to eat clean. Clean food is food that’s been washed and prepped.

And I won’t resolve to burn more calories by spending endless hours at the gym.

What I will do is resolve to accept and love my body, and to nourish it body, mind, and soul.

This goal is not going to be easy, and that’s why I’m publishing it here on my blog. I want us to hold each other accountable. It’s time to speak truth to our dear girlfriends, sisters, and daughters. It’s time to speak truth to ourselves. You are beautiful, and you were designed by the greatest artist of all time. Your curves, your soft belly, your strong thighs—those are no mistake. God made you exactly the way you are. He knew what He was doing, and He created you in His image. He crafted your personality. Your strength, your sensitivity, your gentleness, your boldness. All designed by the One above. The best part: He gave you a heart and a soul and the opportunity to live life eternally long after your physical body has passed away.

Thinking about that gives me confidence. Know that the Lord actively created you and continues to pursue you. Put your faith in Him. Rest secure in that.

Today, I feel beautiful and worthy. I am happy. My walk through body image and health has been a long one. I’ve made great strides, but I’m still a work in progress. Believe me, I still have days when I worry about the way I look or the food I eat. I still let those annoying messages about “health” bother me sometimes. That’s why I see an awesome nutrition counselor on a regular basis here in Nashville. She has helped me understand that I’m in a season of restoration.

Since moving here, I’ve learned about the importance of rest. I’ve entered into a restoration both physical and spiritual as I embrace the full woman God has designed me to be. My physical restoration includes weight gain. It’s uncomfortable, challenging, and anxiety-provoking. And it’s the complete opposite of what culture tells me to do. So I have to turn away from the prevalent New Year’s resolutions talk and preach the truth to myself.

In reality, health is different for every single person. For me, health means eating more calories than what a magazine tells me to and not worrying about whether my food is organic or free of refined sugars. Health means doing yoga and taking walks rather than running a half marathon or doing high-intensity interval training. Health means trusting my body and living free of the rules I was once enslaved to during the height of my eating disorder.

And I recognize this country has an obesity epidemic. You may be reading this right now and thinking, Yeah but two-third of Americans are overweight. This is true. Naturally, the message we constantly hear is one of weight loss. But we are not often told about the other side of this problem. Did you know at least 30 million Americans of all ages and genders suffer from an eating disorder? That number only encapsulates the people who report it. In addition, anorexia is the deadliest of all mental illnesses.

Clearly, with this many people suffering on both ends of the spectrum, we are doing something wrong. The message of weight loss and dieting is a failure.

We need to find a way to focus on treating our bodies well—whatever that looks like. Cooking together, enjoying real food, moving because it feels good, and developing spiritual fitness so that we can run with endurance the race that lies before us.

“Therefore, since we also have such a large cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us lay aside every weight and the sin that so easily ensnares us. Let us run with endurance the race that lies before us, keeping our eyes on Jesus, the source and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that lay before Him endured a cross and despised the shame and has sat down at the right hand of God’s throne. For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, so that you won’t grow weary and lose heart.”

— Hebrews 12:1-3

There is no easy answer, but God has given me a heart for this, and I simply must speak up. I am passionate about being a good steward of the body God has given me, and I want to encourage others to do the same. I strive to treat my body the way Christ would want me to—to utilize it to the full potential of the gifts He has given me! I pray and hope this for you, too.

Take a second to think about the amount of time you spend focused on food, your body, your weight, your exercise routine. How much time do you spend working out? How much energy do you put into dieting attempts? How much brain space do you give to negative body image thoughts and restrictive food rules?

Now how much time do you spend with God? In prayer or in the Word?

“For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer.

If you point these things out to the brothers and sisters, you will be a good minister of Christ Jesus, nourished on the truths of the faith and of the good teaching that you have followed. Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.

This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance. That is why we labor and strive, because we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all people, and especially of those who believe.”

— 1 Timothy 4:4-10

Physical fitness is great⏤but it cannot compare to godliness and time with the Lord.

Don’t let the continual chatter about weight loss goals distract you or bring you down. Don’t use such talk to justify harmful behaviors or set produce negative thoughts. Filter out the unhealthy, unhelpful, and unproductive voices. Don’t follow them and don’t engage with them. Preach the truth to yourself and find the different voices that remind you your identity stands in Him alone.

Ultimately, we have to fix our eyes on Jesus. I really believe that’s the only way to achieve true health.

Forget resolving to lose weight or get fit. Resolve to enjoy your life! Enjoy food and enjoy moving because you have a body that can. I pray all of you who are struggling with any aspect of food, fitness, or body image let Jesus reign supreme in your heart instead. God has a mission for us and it doesn’t involve flat abs, clean eating, or record-setting weight loss. Spend more time with Him. Follow His call for you. And ask Him to reshape your heart and instill confidence in your body and the woman He’s made you to be.

If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life.

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.