Pressing Pause
I’ve been pretty silent here and on social media since my daughter was born. The transition to two children has been simultaneously beautiful and wild, and 2021 was one of the best and hardest years I’ve experienced so far. Insomnia, postpartum depression and anxiety, and Covid brought hardship, while some other things that I’m not ready to talk about publicly yet led to deep restoration within our family.
This week, I finished reading Jodi Picoult’s latest novel, about a Manhattanite stuck on a tropical island as the Covid pandemic hits New York City and the world. The main character shares a realization halfway through the book that resonated with me during this season:
Here, I can’t lose myself in errands and work assignments; I can’t disappear in a crowd. I am forced to walk instead of run, and as a result I’ve seen things I would have sped past before—the fuss of a crab trading up for a new shell, the miracle of a sunrise, the garish burst of a cactus flower.
Busy is just a euphemism for being so focused on what you don’t have that you never notice what you do.
It’s a defense mechanism. Because if you stop hustling—if you pause—you start wondering why you ever thought you wanted all those things.
As a former New Yorker who traded deadlines for diapers, I so feel this! It’s not that I’m not busy anymore but that I’ve stopped hustling. My productivity looks different. (I’ve talked about this before.) And since giving birth to my daughter, I’ve finally allowed myself to pause.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been striving. I’ve been working to answer the question, “Am I enough?” Having a lot on my plate and pushing myself to be “the best” is the easy way out for me. But focusing on the present and finding contentment in Christ alone? That’s a lot harder. That’s when I start to gaze at myself and wonder if I measure up.
Perhaps you can relate to the thoughts below, some of which are my own and others are what I’ve heard from friends:
If I'm not freelance writing and continuing my professional career, am I enough?
If I’m not blogging and sharing God’s Word publicly, am I enough?
If I’m not exercising regularly, am I enough?
If I’m still single and so desire to get married, am I enough?
If I’m struggling with infertility, am I enough?
If I’m living paycheck to paycheck, am I enough?
If I keep getting passed up for that promotion, am I enough?
If my relationships are on the rocks, am I enough?
If I don’t have enough saved for my kids’ college and my retirement, am I enough?
If I don’t know what God thinks about me, am I enough?
Friend, you are enough.
In Jesus, you are enough. Christianity is the only religion in the world that says you don’t have to do it all, you don’t have to check off all the boxes, because God already has. He is the perfect one, not you. He created you, purposefully and intentionally. You are precious in His sight. And He guarantees (yes, guarantees!) your salvation through your faith and His grace. Not through anything you’ve done or anything you feel.
And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the bodya and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.
But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:1-10)
I’m so thankful for God’s grace and for the reminder that I am enough, even when I don’t feel like it. That I can come to Him with all my burdens and worries and find rest (Matthew 11:28-30).
My prayer this year is to live more like Jesus. In the words of Kristi McLelland, I want to stare at God and only glance at myself. “He must increase, and I must decrease.” (John 3:30) Yes, yes, yes. Thank you, Father.
Hope in a Time of Restlessness
The coronavirus is not a surprise to God. He is almighty, all-powerful, and all-knowing. God is who He says He is, and He really can be trusted.
Raise your hand if you’re feeling restless.
I’m willing to bet you’re holding both hands up high.
During this time of the coronavirus pandemic and social distancing, we’re all feeling a bit stir-crazy in our homes. It’s important to keep perspective and do our part to prevent the spread of this potentially fatal virus. And if you’re healthy, remember that the elderly and immune-compromised thank you.
Restlessness isn’t fun, but restlessness can be a gift.
God has taught me so much about restlessness this past year as a stay-at-home mom. I’ve had to adjust my definition of productive. I’ve had to see the value in spending more time at home and doing seemingly little things that often feel invisible. Last fall I wrote about my transition from career woman to stay-at-home mom. Here’s an excerpt:
I love being a SAHM. I love staying home with my son, and I feel incredibly grateful to have the opportunity to do so. I know this isn’t the case for many moms who desire to stay home but need two incomes to support their families. While, yes, we’ve had to make some financial sacrifices—like continuing to rent rather than buying a home and driving one car rather than two—the choice has been easy. This is what is best for our family.
Yet the prideful, approval-loving part of my heart still felt wounded when I was straight-up told no to my offer to work remotely. Since handing in my resignation letter, I’ve reached out to my editorial contacts to begin writing again, something I very much love to do. I’ve either been denied or ignored, and it’s frustrating.
Working is what I’ve done my whole life—from school to college to full-time career woman in NYC and Nashville. It’s what I know. It’s what’s comfortable. I enjoy working, and I am constantly striving to be “successful.” (Goodness, whatever that means.) I also tend to compare myself to others, so when I’ve been asked what my son and I do all day, I instantly turn from confident to sheepish.
I felt like I had to justify the statement, “I’m a stay-at-home mom.” But I truly feel proud of my job now—not sheepish. I’ve had months to process my new vocation. Through it, the Lord has prepared me for this time of social distancing and isolation and provided perspective I can now share with you.
Our worth doesn’t come from our jobs, our bank accounts, the number of groups and activities we engage in, or how much we check off our to-do lists. It doesn’t depend on our children’s behavior or education. Not on our social life or relationship status. Not even on the cleanliness or organization of our homes.
It’s way too easy to get wrapped up in these things and ultimately find our identity in them. I didn’t realize until I decided to stay home after having my son that my sense of worth was intimately entwined with my writing, my full schedule, and my approval from others. I don’t like to be still. I don’t like to rest. I want to move and be on the go. This striving and impulse for achievement is rooted in my desire to control. I want to be in charge, and I want to do things my way. God has been stripping me of this control for years, reminding me He is in charge and He is worthy of my trust.
Maybe He’s teaching you the same thing through COVID-19.
We value our control, freedom, and autonomy—just as Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. Rather than trusting in the Lord and the provision He established for them, they took matters into their own hands. They ate the forbidden fruit. They questioned God’s goodness.
“Now the serpent was the most cunning of all the wild animals that the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You can’t eat from any tree in the garden’?”
The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat the fruit from the trees in the garden. But about the fruit of the tree in the middle of the garden, God said, ‘You must not eat it or touch it, or you will die.’”
“No! You will not die,” the serpent said to the woman. “In fact, God knows that when you eat it your eyes will be opened and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” The woman saw that the tree was good for food and delightful to look at, and that it was desirable for obtaining wisdom. So she took some of its fruit and ate it; she also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.”
Did God really say that?
Is God really good?
Can He really be trusted?
We’ve been wrestling with these questions since the beginning of time. But Jesus, God’s own son, went to the cross and answered “Yes” to those questions a million times over.
He is really good, and He really can be trusted.
The coronavirus is not a surprise to Him. He is almighty, all-powerful, and all-knowing. What if this awful virus is the thing that He’s using to bring you back to himself? To finally force you to surrender to Him and live in light of the good news?
What if He wants you to stop your striving and rest in Him?
I know this is all easier said than done. I’m still learning, too. But I believe in God’s Word, and I believe He is who He says He is. I’m praying for health and healing throughout the world. I’m praying for miracles. I’m praying more people come to know the Lord personally and begin to live their lives for Him because of this virus. I’m praying God’s glory would be undeniable. I’m praying for you.
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
Change the Way You Think About Self-Care
I’ve been hearing a lot about the idea of self-care lately, and I am all for it. The dictionary defines it as you would pretty much expect.
Self-care: noun, care for oneself.
That sounds simple enough, right?
But I think for many of us—certainly for myself—self-care is an elusive concept. What does it look like to care for oneself when you’re working full-time, caring for a family, or trying to grow that side hustle? (Or all three?) Where does self-care come into play? How can I take time for myself when I have all these other things I need to do first?
It’s time we see self-care in a new light.
If the phrase self-care throws you off, think of it differently. Think of it as soul-care.
When we press pause, when we rest, and when we care for our souls, we’re more in-tune with what God is saying to us.
While I’m no expert in rest, I will say I’ve seen first-hand how much it does a body good. Resting is productive in its own way. It’s a time when our body repairs, rebuilds, and recharges. I truly believe more and more of our health problems today stem from stress and not knowing how to cope with our stress in healthful ways. Resting gives us a chance to take a breath.
I have a really hard time simply resting. I was home sick with a sinus infection for a few days last week, and even then, I didn’t want to be still. I always want to feel productive and like I’ve accomplished something. Half the time when I'm watching TV, I’m doing something else. Maybe you have a hard time slowing down, too, or maybe you don’t know how to fit that into your already jam-packed schedule.
But even God, the Creator of the universe and everything in it, rested.
“On the seventh day God had completed his work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done. God blessed the seventh day and declared it holy, for on it he rested from all his work of creation.”
God paused, looked at all He had done, and declared it to be good. He instructed us to keep holy the sabbath—to rest and take good care.
What would it look like to take an entire day unplugged, tuned in to God, and simply enjoying the creation He created for us?
Matthew 22:37-40 tells us,
“He said to him, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most important command. The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets depend on these two commands.’”
We've seen this passage countless times, and even people who don't read or believe in the Bible know we're to love others. That's the Golden Rule. But I recently heard on a podcast a refreshing way to interpret it. Take the scripture a step further. Love the Lord your God. Okay, yes. Then, love your neighbor as yourself. Think about that: as yourself.
Do you love yourself? Do you see yourself as God sees you? Are you actively caring for yourself in the way that honors the Lord? I think of soul-care is as a beautiful act of love that shows we value ourselves and believe we are worthy. If we are to love others, we have to love ourselves.
If we want to pour out to other people, we have to first fill up ourselves.
So as much as I enjoy ending my day with an episode or two of Friends, doing so doesn’t really fill me up. It’s restful, yes, but not rejuvenating. It’s not restorative or redemptive. It doesn’t bring life to my soul.
But spending time with the Lord, reading His Word, praying, memorizing scripture—these things encourage my soul and fill my heart.
Reading the Bible is my number-one soul-care and self-care technique. Even when I don’t feel like doing it, God shows up. He honors that discipline and that desire. His Word is living and active, and He really does restore us through it.
When I’m not reading, I like to practice these other soul-care activities:
- Taking a walk.
- Listening to a podcast.
- Journaling.
- Listening to worship music.
- Praying with a friend.
- Cooking.
- Doing Christian yoga.
The hustle mentality will burn us out, but self-care is a lifelong practice. God designed us and included a natural rhythm of a sabbath. There’s a purpose for that. When we’re caring for ourselves—caring for ours soul as God intended it—we’re able to honor Him and live the life He created us for.
What’s your go-to soul-care technique? Share with me in the comments below and let's continue to encourage one another.
If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life.
And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.
Truly, He makes beautiful things.
The Stomach Bug Put Things In Perspective
My first day back to adventures in Nashville after recovering from the stomach bug.
It was not my intention to go two and half weeks without blogging, but then life got in the way.
Life does that sometimes. Sometimes we’re forced to let go of our own plans—to “let go and let God,” as my best friend likes to say.
Last week, a nasty stomach bug knocked me down. On the first day that it hit, I could not do anything. I couldn’t read, I couldn’t journal, and I could hardly focus on TV. I could not eat, and I could not drink. I didn’t have the energy to even stand up. It was the most sick I’ve been in years.
Praise the Lord, this did not last too long. Four days later, I felt relatively normal again and was able to eat and drink mostly like usual.
I think in a way, God used the situation to tell me to slow down.
God wants our obedience, and I think at times He puts us in situations where the only choice we have is to listen to Him.
I was on the couch, barely able to move, and all I could do was think and pray.
I’m reading through the book of Exodus right now. Maybe it’s because I am journaling through it or maybe it’s because I’m discussing it within my discipleship group, but this is the first time the Old Testament is really clicking with me. I can actually see parallels between what happened thousands of years ago, what Jesus did for us in the New Testament, and what’s going on in my own life.
Take a look at a few of the passages in Exodus 12. I read a commentary to better understand this, and it helped me put the pieces together. The ten plagues over Egypt have ended, and the Lord instructs Moses and Aaron regarding Passover. He’s preparing them to help bring the Israelites out of Egypt and to the Promised Land:
“Here is how you must eat it: You must be dressed for travel, your sandals on your feet, and your staff in your hand. You are to eat it in a hurry; it is the Lord’s Passover...
He summoned Moses and Aaron during the night and said, ‘Get up, leave my people, both you and the Israelites, and go, worship Yahweh as you have asked. Take even your flocks and your herds as you asked and leave, and also bless me.’...
The people baked the dough they had brought out of Egypt into unleavened loaves, since it had no yeast; for when they have been driven out of Egypt they could not delay and had not prepared any provisions for themselves.”
The Israelites had to eat the Passover meal in faith, trusting that God would in fact deliver them. They had to be dressed for travel and ready to walk in the deliverance that the Lord prepared for them right then and there. Later in Chapter 12, we see God tell Moses and Aaron to leave and worship Him. The people must leave in the middle of the night, with bread that has not baked, and with no preparation or provision for themselves. They had no choice but to do what God told them to do.
In the midst of my stomach bug, I had no choice but to stop and trust God. I had to rest. I had to be still. I had to take good care of myself.
And I thought a lot about the Exodus story. As with the Israelites, the Lord wants our obedience. We obey because we know and love God. He has delivered me from the old self, from sin and death. He’s given me new, eternal life in Him. I’m called to trust in Him and walk in that truth every day. The same is true for you, friend. If you've turned from sin and given your life to Christ, you have been made anew. Do you believe that? Does it change your day-to-day life?
If I believed that 100 percent of the time, I would relinquish the control I try to tightly hold on my life. I’d hand the reigns over to God.
Daily obedience and trust in God means I get to live a full, free life.
One of my favorite parts of Exodus is chapter 14 verses 13 and 14.
“But Moses said to the people, ‘Don’t be afraid. Stand firm and see the Lord’s salvation. He will provide for you today; for the Egyptians you see today, you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you must be quiet.’”
The Lord will fight for you. Be quiet, be still, let Him work.
The God who demanded obedience from the Israelites is the same God who asks that of us today. He’s the same God who paves the way when we trust Him. The same God who provides. When He puts us in situations where our only choice is to listen to Him, let’s stop resisting Him and do what He says.
In this season of my life, obedience looks like taking good care of my body. God's calling me to obey Him by eating well, resting and taking a break from exercise, and most of all, surrendering control to Him. Obedience changes my life and leads me closer to Him.
Obedience is an act of worship.
So what if God simply wants us to be quiet? What does it look like for you to be quietly obedient to Him? How is He asking you to follow Him and walk in the new life He’s given you?
Pray that He will open your eyes. Pray for the wisdom and courage to do all He's asking of you. And then trust. You don't have to be afraid to obey. God has already gone before you and prepared the way.
If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life.
And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.
Truly, He makes beautiful things.