My Word of the Year

It's only January 21, but the new year has already ushered in a host of changes. I started a new job in a new industry in downtown Nashville, and (drumroll, please) we are engaged! Within one week, I accepted my new job offer, gave my notice at work, and Charles proposed. Needless to say, the Christmas season felt extra special with friends and family this year. 

I've taken the past few weeks to soak up our engagement and focus on being present. The blog has taken a back seat because of that, but I'm ready to post as regularly as I can in 2018. I love this little space, and I'm so grateful to each of you joining me on the journey. 

The Lord has been teaching me so much in the past few weeks. I picked up my very first Powersheets One-Year Intentional Goal Planner at the end of the year, and I've been excitedly walking through the prep work since then. I first heard about their creator and author Lara Casey from my sister. Lara is an amazing mom, wife, entrepreneur, and sweet Christian. And her Powersheets have always intrigued me because their focus is on cultivating what really matters, with practical action steps. 

She gave me the idea for a word of the year a few years ago. Last year I chose "rooted," and the Lord truly used that word throughout those 12 months. I wrote in my journal:

“God, I pray for depth this year. Fewer commitments, fewer things, and greater focus on you. Help me to grow deep rather than wide. You will guide me. I pray I listen and obey. Strengthen my relationship because we’re both going deeper with you. Help me to do good work at my job and on my blog because I am growing deeper in you. Let all I do be an outpouring of that depth; let it continually point back to you. I pray for deeper health, healing, courage, and freedom. Let the roots grow deep, Lord.

Rooted in you, watered daily with Scripture and prayer so that I may grow and blossom. Rooted in you, Father.”

He did absolutely that—He grew the roots deep and allowed me to blossom in Him. He grew my relationship with Charles, He grew my understanding and love of His word, and He grew my process of healing and restoration. 

As I've sat and really contemplated what my word might be in 2018, God has reminded me of His faithfulness. He's reminded me how very big He is and how very small I am. And how's that a very good thing. He's brought me back to the start, to Genesis, to show me how much He's weaving His story and our stories from beginning to end. 

One word has popped up over and over for me: 

steadfast (adj.)

(1) Firmly fixed in place: immovable.

(2) Firm in belief, determination, or adherence: loyal. 

Synonyms include: faithful, devoted, steady, true, firm, constant, unwavering.

I’m making my way through Genesis, and no story better illustrates steadfastness to me than that of Abraham and Sarah. God chose Abraham to be the father of all nations, whose offspring would number more than the stars in the sky. The only problem? Both Abraham and his wife, Sarah, were old and childless. In Genesis 18, the Lord says to them that He will return in a year’s time, and Sarah will have a son. Sarah actually laughs at God, knowing she’s way past childbearing age. God speaks to them quite boldly:

“Is anything impossible for the Lord? At the appointed time, I will come back to you, and in about a year, she will have a son.”

— Genesis 18:14

God had changed Abram’s name to Abraham, from “high father” to “father of a multitude.” He had changed Sarai’s name to Sarah, from “princess” to “mother of all nations.” You know when God changes someone’s name in the Bible, He’s about to do something big. He changes names because He changes hearts. He writes the story. He makes history.  

With Sarah and Abraham, God was faithful. He gave them a son, Isaac. He came back to Sarah exactly as He said He would and at the very time that He had set (Genesis 21).

God is firm, true, unwavering. He is constant, and He is loyal, even when we falter. No matter what our lives look like, God is there. No matter what changes we go through or ups and downs we face, He remains the same.

God is the very definition of steadfast.

He is not slow to fulfill His promises, but He works on His own timetable. He wants all to be saved. (2 Peter 3:9) The Christian Standard Bible translates this verse in a way that really stands out: “The Lord does not delay his promise, as some understand delay, but is patient with you, not wanting any to perish but all to come to repentance.”

God is patient, and His timing is always the best. I fail to believe this sometimes. I want to do things my way, according to my own schedule. What I want, when I want. For example, I felt a tug on my heart that He was going to send me out from my full-time ministry job into a secular environment. I prayed about that for 10 months in 2017 before receiving an offer and trusting it was what God had asked me to step into it. God is much bigger and greater than me.

Think of Abraham and Sarah: waiting on God’s perfect timing was absolutely worth it. They had to go through difficulties before Isaac was born. The same is true for us. I know 2018 will hold more changes. Suffering will happen. I can find hope knowing God is still the same.

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

— James 1:2-4

I pray God cultivates steadfastness in me like His son, Jesus. This year, I pray my faith is resolutely firm. I want to be devoted to God no matter the situation or season. His love for us is unwavering—I want that kind of love for Him in return. I know I am prone to worry and anxiety. I like to be in control. But God, I give that to You. 

Lord, help me to stand firm in the faith. Guard me against sin and temptation and keep me focused on you. Give me steadfastness. Endurance for the fight and total surrender to the King.

That's the life I want to live in 2018: steadfast and true. 

What I've Been Up To This Past Month

Excuse my lapse in blogging this past month. There's a good reason for it, I promise:

We're getting married! [Insert all the heart-eyes emojis here.]

I'll be sharing some of our story on the blog in the coming months, but for now, I would covet your prayers for our engagement and marriage. My biggest prayer request is that we would keep our eyes fixed on the Lord and that He would prepare our hearts to come together in this amazing covenant. 

I'd also love to hear what you're interested in reading from me during this season. Singleness and dating? What engagement looks like in light of Jesus? How I'm not dieting before the wedding? Share with me in the comments below or shoot me an email here! 

A Letter to the Friend Who Is Struggling

A few friends have recently disclosed to me that they have friends or family members in the midst of a struggle with an eating disorder. Hearing this breaks my heart. I wouldn't want anyone to go through that struggle, and I know it has to be so difficult looking from the outside in at someone you love in such pain. 

I want this blog to a be a place of encouragement and hope. Not because of me and my words, but because of Christ. So a major part what I can do—really the biggest thing we all can do—is pray. Prayer moves the heart of God and moves our hearts. Prayer keeps us in tune with what He's saying to us. Prayer reminds us of our need for Him.

If someone close to you is struggling with mental illness, pray for them. Pray that God would heal them fully and provide recovery in a way that only He can. Pray for patience and trust. 

I wrote the short letter below for a friend of a friend who is wrestling with an eating disorder. If you, too, know someone who's hurting, will you send this to them? 

They can read this note and they can read my testimony, but mostly I hope that they read God's Word. The Bible is a lamp for my feet, a light for my path. It directs me, teaches me, and sustains me every single day. I'm not writing this to you as a woman who's 100 percent healed and who never deals with a negative thought about food or body image.

I'm writing this to you as a woman who's seen what Satan is capable of, who's played around with darkness, and who's been radically saved from death by the grace and power of Jesus Christ. I'm writing this as a woman who wants everyone to taste the sweetness of a relationship with God. It will change your life.

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Hi friend,

How are you? 

I want you to know you are not alone in this fight. I've shared your same struggle for years, and I understand what you are feeling and going through. More than that, Jesus understands. He knows your pain, your hurts, and your frustrations. And He can provide comfort the way no one else can.

Someone recently shared insight with me that I never thought about before. In Genesis 3, sin entered the world through an apple, through a woman taking a bite of this forbidden fruit. Sin entered the world through food. Think of how many women today struggle with food and their bodies; that's the sin nature within us. But how sweet is God to redeem this! To invite us into communion with him, to feast at the table of the lamb. Our story doesn't stop with Eve in Genesis. We now have a great hope in the resurrected Jesus. 

God's Word has been a light to me in the midst of terrible darkness.

He's reminded me that the testing of our faith produces endurance (James 1:3). That trials help refine us and make us more like him. He is the vine; we are the branches. He is continually pruning us. 

“We all, with unveiled faces, are looking as in a mirror at the glory of the Lord and are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory; this is from the Lord who is the Spirit.”

— 2 Corinthians 3:18

Are being transformed. That's present tense. That means it's happening now. I just love that. We are not perfect, but we serve a God who is. He has been tested in every way as we are, yet without sin. (Hebrews 4:15) We can run to Him and trust that He hears us!

He loves us and has called us to Himself even while we are still sinners.

When we accept Christ, our identity is completely changed. We were dead, but we have been made alive with the Messiah. Saved by grace through faith. (Ephesians 2:5) He brings us back to life. His Holy Spirit lives within us. I cling to that truth whenever I feel shameful or guilty. I pray we live as men and women who are free because we are in Christ Jesus. 

“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away, and look new things have come. Everything is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation.”

— 2 Corinthians 5:17-18

A new creation. That is how God see us and wants us to see ourselves. 

Hold fast to the Truth. Ask God for full healing from the inside out. Surrender to Him on a daily basis, and never forget that He loves you and is faithful.

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.

How to Talk to a Friend in the Midst of Disordered Eating or an Eating Disorder

A version of this post originally appeared on verilymag.com.

September is National Recovery Month, and it's given me pause to reflect on my own recovery. Praise God for the way His hand was on me and for calling me into a relationship with Him. The more open and honest I’ve been in my journey, the more freedom I’ve experienced. Satan doesn't have a hold over my past anymore, and Christ has given me a unique way to talk about Him. He's brought great healing and recovery into my life. 

As I’ve gotten healthier, I’ve noticed that our country is obsessed with what we eat and how we look. Think of how many times you’ve seen a blog post about eating clean. How many times you’ve seen the hashtags #fitspo and #goals on Facebook and Instagram. How many times you’ve seen a headline about some celebrity’s pregnancy weight. We are bombarded with this information from multiple platforms on a daily basis, and the prevalence of eating disorders has continued to rise.

Many of you have asked me what you should say to someone with an eating disorder, and rightfully so. Learning how to speak around a friend who you know struggles or has struggled with an eating disorder, disordered eating, or poor body image is a process. Every person is different; their stories are unique. What I write below has been helpful and encouraging to me in my recovery, but please remember that your friend’s individual needs may differ.

Talking to a friend whom you suspect has an eating disorder—but has not admitted that to you—is incredibly difficult. Regardless of what she—or he, as one in four individuals with eating disorders is male—is experiencing, approach them with love and care. If your friend is struggling, and you want to talk to her, I would suggest keeping a few things in mind; these guidelines apply for any kind of recovery:

Be intentional. 

Set aside time for a private, distraction-free discussion. Frame the conversation by stating that you are concerned and are bringing this up to your friend because you truly care. Assure them that you love them no matter what.

Ask questions. 

Start by asking if they are struggling rather than placing blame or judgment. They will feel better knowing that you gave them a chance to speak and didn’t automatically assume there's a problem.

Be specific.

It is best to share specific examples of why you are concerned, according to the National Eating Disorders Association. Gently let them know of behaviors you’ve witnessed that raise a red flag. Start your sentences with “I” rather than “you.” For example, “I’m concerned about you because [fill-in-the-blank]."

Pray. 

Talk to God before talking to your friend. Ask Him for guidance and to speak through you. When you do speak to your friend, whether they are a Christian or not, ask if you can pray over them. You'll be surprised how many people will accept prayer when they're hurting. It's the most powerful tool we have. 

Addictions and dysfunctional behaviors are about so much more than what they manifest as on the surface. An eating disorder, at the core, isn't about food. Saying that your friend should simply eat more, quit binging and purging, or stop overexercising is oversimplifying recovery and will make her feel more isolated. The root of an eating disorder varies but often stems from obsessive desires for control, approval, and perfectionism. Keep that in mind when talking to your friend.

If your friend has already told you that they have an eating disorder or addiction (a huge step in any recovery), you will be able to have conversations that look a bit different than those with a friend whose is still secretly struggling. Here are a few of the things that have been helpful to me in my own recovery:

“I love you, and I don’t think of you any differently. Do you know that God also loves you?”

This is perhaps the most important statement you can make. Assure them they are worthy and loved, and nothing they say or does will change that. God loves the least among us—the sinners, the broken, the hurting, the messes. He didn't come to save perfect people but the broken ones, like you and me. 

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”

— John 3:16

“How are you doing?”

Give your friend a call to catch up. Ask how they have been doing not just with food but with all aspects of life. Our friends need commitment and consistency to keep a friendship alive.

“We all have our struggles. In fact, I struggle with X.”

We all struggle. Even if you don’t wrestle with a full-blown addiction or disorder, you currently face or have faced some sort of struggle of your own. Opening up to your friend fosters trust, reminds her no one is perfect, and will help her be fully honest with you in her recovery.

“You are more than your weight/fitness routine/the food on your plate.”

Talk about her character, not her physical appearance. We so often resort to looks—from body shape to hairstyles to clothing—when starting a conversation with someone. Compliment your friend on her intelligence, her kindness, and her courage. She is already hyper-focused on her body, so even if you think telling her “You look healthy!” or “You are beautiful!” is helpful, keep the focus on her internal values instead. Remind her how brave she is for choosing recovery and healing.

We know as believers that our identity is in Christ alone. Reassure your friend of this. Being a Christian doesn't mean you'll no longer struggle, but it does mean you're no longer a slave to sin. We were created in His image, bought at a price. He is making us new.

“We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin.”

— Romans 6:6

“Would you like to come over for dinner on Friday?”

Friends who cook for me and invite me to dinner are such a gift. Someone who is in recovery will need lots of support around her, particularly during mealtime. Satan works in isolation; Don't give him that chance.

"How can I best be a friend to you during this time?”

This gives her the opportunity to tell you how you can best serve her. If your friend is in recovery, they can tell you what they need from you, and they will so appreciate that you asked.

Please know, if your friend is harming herself, it is absolutely appropriate to suggest they seek professional help. ANAD offers a free guide on how to talk to someone and intervene if necessary. Psychology Today is also an excellent resource for finding specialized therapists, psychiatrists, support groups, and treatment centers in your area. You can tell her you read this blog and want to help however you can. Every day counts in recovery—the sooner one can address the problem, the greater the likelihood of full recovery.

If your friend rejects help, then I would continue to let them that you’re there for them. Ultimately, they have to be ready to recover on their own. 

Most importantly, keep praying for them. Pray for God to move and for them to be ready to surrender to Him fully. True recovery is possible through Christ, so don't lose hope.

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.