One Year in Nashville

I’ve lived in Nashville for an entire 365 days, and I officially say “y’all” more than “you guys.”

I can’t quite believe I packed my bags, left New York City, and bought a one-way ticket to Nashville, Tennessee, just over one year ago. That simultaneously feels like yesterday and yet also feels like a lifetime ago. I miss many things about New York City. I miss my community there (although many of those friends have now left the city and scattered throughout the country). I miss my ability to walk everywhere and do almost anything at a moment’s notice. I miss the hustle and bustle, the fast pace, the city that never sleeps. I miss the art, culture, and fashion everywhere you turn. I miss the street bagels and falafel. I miss calling myself a New Yorker.

But I don’t for one second regret leaving New York City.

I knew in my heart that God called me to Nashville. It was that simple and that complex.

He brought me here for a whole bunch of reasons, including living in the same city as the man I love and beginning a job in full-time ministry. The Lord brought me here, and He’s shown up for me time and time again. I’ve grown more in the past year than the previous years combined. I’m learning what it looks like to really walk with Jesus on a daily basis, to share truth with others, and to let my faith be the rhythm of my life.

“I am sure of this, that he who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

— Philippians 1:6

In this time, God has revealed to me the sin that’s still within me. The deep desires for control, approval, and pride. He’s shown me I still have work to do when it comes to my own healing and recovery—but that He is faithful to finish the good work He began in me.

He’s helped me see the value of rest and of stillness. That while my type-A, perfectionist personality loves to be on the go at all times, often the best place to hear from God is in the quiet. Sometimes I need to get alone with Him and sit in the solitude.

This is the first time in my life I’ve lived alone. The extrovert in me wants people around who I can continually talk and hang out with. But I also relish the way this space is my own, the way I can connect with God however I want. I love that it provides rest.

I’ve rested more in this past year than I have in a very long time. I’ve traded the crazy city life, the gym, and hot yoga for walking in wide open spaces and practicing yoga at home. I’m working on a restored relationship with both food and exercise, so abandoning the high intensity sweat sesh is what I need right now. I’m learning to move in a way that feels good, to eat what’s enjoyable, and to appreciate my body the way God designed it. It’s been a long road for me, but the support God has provided here in Nashville has helped me so much.

“For the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, has said: “You will be delivered by returning and resting; your strength will lie in quiet confidence. But you are not willing.””

— Isaiah 30:15

This summer a friend of mine from New York also made the move to Nashville. She asked me if my stress level decreased since moving. I immediately and emphatically answered heck yes.

Living stress-free is still totally possible in New York City. It takes a lot of intention and discipline, but it can happen. Yet I now know for me personally, for my optimal health and wellbeing, I needed to step away.

Since moving to Nashville, God has shown me the joy of dating His way. He had to end some previous relationships in order to teach me and show me that something way better was just around the corner. He was preparing my heart while preparing my now-boyfriend’s heart. We’ve both seen firsthand how the love of a significant other is a representation of the Gospel. It’s an amazing thing, and if I had not moved to Nashville, if I had not given this man a chance while living and dating in the same city, I don’t know when I would have learned that lesson. And I would have missed out on this great love.

Most of all, in the past year, the Lord has reminded me that I am made in His image.

I am called to live a holy life. It’s clear the Lord purposely plucked me out of my comfort zone of NYC to do some deep work in my mind, body, and spirit. He has a plan for all of this, and it’s a lot bigger than anything I could plot out on my own.

So wherever you’re at right now—whatever emotion you’re feeling, whatever hopes you’re hoping for and whatever dreams you’re banking on—tell them to God. If you don’t feel like you have a relationship with Him, then ask Him to reveal Himself to you. He’ll show up and rock your word.

I know not everyone has a story of reckless faith or radical salvation. Not everyone has the story they thought they would have. It’s okay.

I am right there with you. I could not and would not have written my story this way. But I honestly wouldn’t change it. I’m convinced that God has authored my life like this because He’s using it for His glory. As Christians, He doesn’t call us to a life of happiness. He calls us to a life of holiness and sanctification. Sometimes that means wading through some really rough waters. But He is still good, and He is still faithful.

I have lofty dreams for this blog and for my ministry. I have a feeling He has even bigger things in store over the next 12 months, and I’m excited to watch Him work. I am privileged to get to write in this space and share what I’m learning with each of you on a regular basis. I love this little blog—it means so much you’ve stuck with me through all the transitions and changes. Thank you for showing up.

Here’s to another year!

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.

My First Podcast Interview

I was honored to do my very first podcast interview last week for the brand new Long Hollow Stories podcast. This weekly podcast gives a behind-the-scenes look at the life within our church, giving others a chance to hear how God is moving within our midst. 

When my boss talked about starting a podcast this summer, I thought it was an exciting idea. I thought this would be something I'd totally listen to—stories of God working in and through His people. I never once thought I would be on it. But when he approached me last week with an opportunity to share my story—to share specifically about anxiety and eating disorders—I knew I had to say yes. I felt in my heart that God could use this story as a way to show people more of Him. 

I was actually shaking as we sat down to do the interview. I had read over my testimony that morning, and I brought a notecard into the studio with some of my favorite verses on it. Other than that, I didn't do any formal preparation. I prayed. I asked God to give me wisdom and to speak through me. I prayed that His words would be mine. I prayed that He would get the glory through this. And I will keep praying that. To thine be the glory.

I'm still a work in progress. I still struggle, and I still have room for healing. But God is faithful. He reminds me that trials lead to endurance and strengthen our faith. That when I seek Him, He hears me and delivers me from all my fears. That I am His, a new creation, no longer a slave to the old self.

Let me tell you, friends, amazing things can happen when your life is in His hands. 

Click below to listen, and as always, feel free to comment or send me a message to keep this conversation going!

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.

Bought With a Price

Last fall, I bought a pair of Madewell jeans, easily the most expensive jeans I’ve ever purchased. They were perfect. High-rise, skinny legs, dark wash, contrast stitching, and a slight crop at the ankle. They had these “magic pockets” that made everything look smooth and sleek, not to mention some extra stretch in the cotton so I could move without feeling restricted. “Legs-for-days” was how they were advertised.

I discovered them at the back of the store on the sale rack; even still, I had to decide whether I could swing this purchase. I think my internal monologue went something like:

Hmm, they were originally $128. Now they’re marked down 20 percent. They are so comfortable. They look great on me. I’ll wear them all the time, so my cost per use is going to be low. Yes, they’re totally worth it. Okay, I’m doing it!

I handed over my card to the saleswoman, and within seconds I walked away with my first pair of designer denim.

I bought them for a price. I knew I wouldn’t be able to buy other clothes that month or even the next month. This was splurge purchase for me, and I had to make them worth it.

For 12 solid months, those jeans were totally worth it. But now, they no longer fit. It’s time time to remove them from my wardrobe and pass them on.

Maybe you could care less about jeans. Maybe you think I’m crazy for spending that much money on fashion. (And maybe I am.) But more than likely, you have saved for something at some point in your life.  You’ve made a big purchase. A new iPhone. A car. Sports equipment for your kiddos.

Or maybe you’re trying to simply make it through the week, stretching every dime to keep a roof over your head, pay those bills, and put dinner on the table each night.

All these things have a cost. We buy them for a price, and we have to weigh the cost-benefit to us. What will I have to give up to purchase this? Is the price worth it?

My boyfriend shared 1 Corinthians 6 with me recently, and it really hit home as I took that pair of jeans out of my closet. 

“‘All things are lawful for me,’ but not all things are helpful. ‘All things are lawful for me,’ but I will not be dominated by anything. ‘Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food’—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, ‘The two will become one flesh.’ But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.  Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

— 1 Corinthians 6:12-20

I bought those jeans for a price. That was nothing compared to what Christ did.

Jesus, himself, bought us for a price.

When we’ve repented, when we’ve recognized Him as Lord and given our lives to Him, he brings us into the fold. He doesn’t question whether we are worth it, whether we’re the right fit, whether he can find something better. He loves us, and He accepts us into His kingdom.

And when we keep sinning—and keep crying out to Him as our Savior and the only answer to our brokenness—He forgives us. His Spirit is still within us. In all our mess, our sin, and our mistakes, he doesn’t dispose of us. We are worth it. We are priceless to Him.

I’m reading through parts of the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) right now, learning about Jesus’s life on this earth, as fully man and fully God. Everywhere He went, He went in peace. He spoke the truth, and He shared the light of the Father with people. He was completely devoted to the Father and fulfilling the mission God had for Him. He was perfect.

He loved us so much that He died for us, as sinners and broken people. Our sins are what nailed Him to the cross, yet He still took on the most horrible death imaginable in order to give us a way out. He gives us hope and an opportunity for life eternal through faith in Him.

Christ bought us with a price—and we are not our own.

Our bodies, our possessions, our whole lives belong to God. Thinking about what He went through in order to give us life and to entrust us with the Holy Spirit really puts things in perspective. He will never dispose of us or outgrow us like a pair of jeans. He’s not looking for the next best thing. He’s with us for the long haul.

Is He as priceless to us as that thing we saved our money for? Is He as priceless to us as we are to Him? The big question for me is whether I live like I’ve been rescued from death, purchased by the blood of Christ, and extended mercy, grace, and life eternal.

Knowing and fully understanding the fact that I am not my own helps me cast off the weight of sin. It helps us order our lives with God in His rightful place, most high.

My body is God’s; that includes the physical, emotional, and mental. When I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior, the Holy Spirit began to dwell within me. Remembering that empowers me against temptation. God is right there within us, so it’s no wonder Satan so often tries to attack the body. Think about it: drunkenness, pornography, sexual immorality, and disordered eating and exercise seem so common. They’re sins against our own bodies and against Christ within us. And Satan is too sneaky to let the emotional and mental sins gets past him. Hate, lust, anger, jealousy, and greed are just as much of an assault on the body.

Yet we are no longer slaves to sin.

“For he who is called by the Lord as a slave is the Lord’s freedman. Likewise he who is called as a free man is Christ’s slave. You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of people. Brothers and sisters, each person is to remain with God in the situation in which he was called.”

— 1 Corinthians 7:22-24

Our bodies are now members of Christ because we were bought at a price. This amazes me. Jesus paid the ultimate price for me, and He paid the ultimate price for you, my friend. That price is way more than a pair of trendy jeans that I may grow out of get tired of after a year or two.

I pray I live my life in a way that’s reflective of my being bought by the King of Kings.

We were created to live each day for Him and to glorify God with our bodies. He has us in this very moment and at this very place with great purpose. Jesus paid the price that you couldn’t in order to give you new life in Him.

What will you do with it?

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.

How to Talk to a Friend in the Midst of Disordered Eating or an Eating Disorder

A version of this post originally appeared on verilymag.com.

September is National Recovery Month, and it's given me pause to reflect on my own recovery. Praise God for the way His hand was on me and for calling me into a relationship with Him. The more open and honest I’ve been in my journey, the more freedom I’ve experienced. Satan doesn't have a hold over my past anymore, and Christ has given me a unique way to talk about Him. He's brought great healing and recovery into my life. 

As I’ve gotten healthier, I’ve noticed that our country is obsessed with what we eat and how we look. Think of how many times you’ve seen a blog post about eating clean. How many times you’ve seen the hashtags #fitspo and #goals on Facebook and Instagram. How many times you’ve seen a headline about some celebrity’s pregnancy weight. We are bombarded with this information from multiple platforms on a daily basis, and the prevalence of eating disorders has continued to rise.

Many of you have asked me what you should say to someone with an eating disorder, and rightfully so. Learning how to speak around a friend who you know struggles or has struggled with an eating disorder, disordered eating, or poor body image is a process. Every person is different; their stories are unique. What I write below has been helpful and encouraging to me in my recovery, but please remember that your friend’s individual needs may differ.

Talking to a friend whom you suspect has an eating disorder—but has not admitted that to you—is incredibly difficult. Regardless of what she—or he, as one in four individuals with eating disorders is male—is experiencing, approach them with love and care. If your friend is struggling, and you want to talk to her, I would suggest keeping a few things in mind; these guidelines apply for any kind of recovery:

Be intentional. 

Set aside time for a private, distraction-free discussion. Frame the conversation by stating that you are concerned and are bringing this up to your friend because you truly care. Assure them that you love them no matter what.

Ask questions. 

Start by asking if they are struggling rather than placing blame or judgment. They will feel better knowing that you gave them a chance to speak and didn’t automatically assume there's a problem.

Be specific.

It is best to share specific examples of why you are concerned, according to the National Eating Disorders Association. Gently let them know of behaviors you’ve witnessed that raise a red flag. Start your sentences with “I” rather than “you.” For example, “I’m concerned about you because [fill-in-the-blank]."

Pray. 

Talk to God before talking to your friend. Ask Him for guidance and to speak through you. When you do speak to your friend, whether they are a Christian or not, ask if you can pray over them. You'll be surprised how many people will accept prayer when they're hurting. It's the most powerful tool we have. 

Addictions and dysfunctional behaviors are about so much more than what they manifest as on the surface. An eating disorder, at the core, isn't about food. Saying that your friend should simply eat more, quit binging and purging, or stop overexercising is oversimplifying recovery and will make her feel more isolated. The root of an eating disorder varies but often stems from obsessive desires for control, approval, and perfectionism. Keep that in mind when talking to your friend.

If your friend has already told you that they have an eating disorder or addiction (a huge step in any recovery), you will be able to have conversations that look a bit different than those with a friend whose is still secretly struggling. Here are a few of the things that have been helpful to me in my own recovery:

“I love you, and I don’t think of you any differently. Do you know that God also loves you?”

This is perhaps the most important statement you can make. Assure them they are worthy and loved, and nothing they say or does will change that. God loves the least among us—the sinners, the broken, the hurting, the messes. He didn't come to save perfect people but the broken ones, like you and me. 

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”

— John 3:16

“How are you doing?”

Give your friend a call to catch up. Ask how they have been doing not just with food but with all aspects of life. Our friends need commitment and consistency to keep a friendship alive.

“We all have our struggles. In fact, I struggle with X.”

We all struggle. Even if you don’t wrestle with a full-blown addiction or disorder, you currently face or have faced some sort of struggle of your own. Opening up to your friend fosters trust, reminds her no one is perfect, and will help her be fully honest with you in her recovery.

“You are more than your weight/fitness routine/the food on your plate.”

Talk about her character, not her physical appearance. We so often resort to looks—from body shape to hairstyles to clothing—when starting a conversation with someone. Compliment your friend on her intelligence, her kindness, and her courage. She is already hyper-focused on her body, so even if you think telling her “You look healthy!” or “You are beautiful!” is helpful, keep the focus on her internal values instead. Remind her how brave she is for choosing recovery and healing.

We know as believers that our identity is in Christ alone. Reassure your friend of this. Being a Christian doesn't mean you'll no longer struggle, but it does mean you're no longer a slave to sin. We were created in His image, bought at a price. He is making us new.

“We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin.”

— Romans 6:6

“Would you like to come over for dinner on Friday?”

Friends who cook for me and invite me to dinner are such a gift. Someone who is in recovery will need lots of support around her, particularly during mealtime. Satan works in isolation; Don't give him that chance.

"How can I best be a friend to you during this time?”

This gives her the opportunity to tell you how you can best serve her. If your friend is in recovery, they can tell you what they need from you, and they will so appreciate that you asked.

Please know, if your friend is harming herself, it is absolutely appropriate to suggest they seek professional help. ANAD offers a free guide on how to talk to someone and intervene if necessary. Psychology Today is also an excellent resource for finding specialized therapists, psychiatrists, support groups, and treatment centers in your area. You can tell her you read this blog and want to help however you can. Every day counts in recovery—the sooner one can address the problem, the greater the likelihood of full recovery.

If your friend rejects help, then I would continue to let them that you’re there for them. Ultimately, they have to be ready to recover on their own. 

Most importantly, keep praying for them. Pray for God to move and for them to be ready to surrender to Him fully. True recovery is possible through Christ, so don't lose hope.

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If you want to talk more about Jesus Christ and faith and what-the-heck-is-all-this-stuff, shoot me a message. I love meeting new people, whether virtually or in person, and gabbing about life. 

And if you'd like to know more of my story, you can read my testimony here.

Truly, He makes beautiful things.